Author frannie Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 Frannie, below is one of the many posts from you two years ago...you know exactly what you are worthy and deserving of just as I did at the time and still do. This is (as I proved many times in my process) a three steps forward, two steps back process at times and you are in the thick of it. There isn't a doubt in my mind that you can do this. Its so cliche and so tossed around on this forum but its true...your needs matter and they are valid. I'm not saying he doesn't agree...just that he is making the choice not to meet them. It is definitely painful to go back and read some of our old threads, but its healing, too. I would encourage anyone, no matter how they arrived at this point, that they are worthy of a whole relationship. I know first hand you can do NC...you've done it before for even longer and you can do it longer this time. Hang in there "Stating what you want and need from a situation is NOT NEEDY. Needy is bending over backwards and accepting Anything he throws your way because you don't have the guts to say, 'this isn't working and I need more, and if you can't help with that, then we'll have to part'. Needy is afraid to state needs in case they don't get met. As for the first part of your statement: If a MM cares for you, he Will Let You Go, because he cannot give you what you need. Hanging onto people because of your own desires is selfish, not caring. You state what your needs are, and if he can't meet them, he lets you go, and you walk away with dignity. That is how it should go. Either that, or he gets his act together and leaves his M, and catches up with you later, IF you're free." HA! Yeah... that is how it should go! Go me! Thanks for quoting that back to me, made me smile Thanks for all the supportive posts much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
st951 Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 GEL wrote (on p. 1) From what you've said about him and even his own thread here, he doesn't want to make a real decision...His decisions are by default-things happen because of his indecison... I think this is a very important point that needs more inspection. I take it as a strong caution: be very careful of who you marry and who you have children with. It seems to me that a whole lot of men are just falling into marriage with women that they don't really care about, and continuing to get their wives pregnant when they don't really care about them. They end up attached to the kids but indifferent to the wife. I'd really hate to be the wife in such a situation. But I think a lot of guys don't put a whole lot of thought into it. I am not seeing "true love" in many marriages. In fact I think it's awfully rare. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 Hi Frannie. After all these years, I FINALLY had a chance to call my mm Wife. I doono if you read my last thread. But he had finally moved in after I said I had enough. I left for a month. I came back early cause he moved in. He broke down several weeks later. He said in the car crying, not leaving , not coming, he was breaking down bad. So I picked up the phone. Something I have always wanted to do, to finally speack to her, to ask, if she really really knew about us. I mean all these years, I only heard what he told me. ano way really to verify. So he was my chance.... I called, she was pissed at first, kept ask why I am calling. I told her she needs to come and pick up her husband, cause he misses the kids. She called me some names. Then she calm down, I let her talk at the begining so she can get out her anger. But I figured once she got it out, it would be my turn., Finally. First thing i asked if she knew how long this was going. She was off by a year. Ok, I asked her serveral other things, she knew, she knew all he said she knew. So then I asked, if she even cared. She basically said she deals with it. WTF???? Deal with it, WTF does that mean? She was very cold when we talked about mm. It was she was not speaking of her H, but more like it was her child. I donno, I dont get it. he ended up going home. She said nothing. Its been 2 weeks, they still have not tallked about the weeks he was out of the house with me. It was like it never happened. They are back to their same routine, living like roomates. She does not ask where he is going, where he has been. Why is he late, nothing. I think as long as he comes home at night, and brings home the money, she is happy. Amazing, to me. I am at the end of my rope too. My mm wont tslk to me about This subject right now. I ask so when are you moving> He kepts avoiding the conversation, or says stop, I am not eeling good now, later, And later does not come. I sometimes think I just should pack up my stuff and leave town. Just get in my car and drive, and start somewhere new again. its crazy. I figured they both are insane. And I am sitting her between the two, and going crazy myself.. Good luck Frannie. You will probably find out like I did, that she really does not care. But to selfish to let him go, cause it might just damper her purse strings, and the neighbors will talk, ya know:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Author frannie Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 I sometimes think I just should pack up my stuff and leave town. Just get in my car and drive, and start somewhere new again. its crazy. I figured they both are insane. And I am sitting her between the two, and going crazy myself.. Good luck Frannie. You will probably find out like I did, that she really does not care. Yes, there is always the case that the W will turn a blind eye, or deny the 'facts', or endure a poor situation, because it is easier, more convenient, or whatever. To me it's no different really to an OW who will endure the misery and lack of commitment of an affair relationship, rather than as you say, getting out of it, getting in your car and driving away to a less crazy situation. Personally I have got out of the lies, out of the situation. I have been total NC for over a month now. It really is up to xMM to sort out his own life and come and find me, or choose to stay there and endure for whatever reasons he has. In the end, we can only make choices for ourselves. You too, Mino... why are you still putting up with it? Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 Yes, there is always the case that the W will turn a blind eye, or deny the 'facts', or endure a poor situation, because it is easier, more convenient, or whatever. To me it's no different really to an OW who will endure the misery and lack of commitment of an affair relationship, rather than as you say, getting out of it, getting in your car and driving away to a less crazy situation. Yes, there is no difference at all. Both enable the messed-up situation. Both deserve understanding and sympathy. He doesn't. He is a selfish coward. Frannie, I am so glad for you. Truly. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 In the end, we can only make choices for ourselves. Amen frannie, Eh--Men!! Link to post Share on other sites
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