kitty_candy_4040 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 OK so here's the deal: I've known this guy for two years, and there has always been something there..We finally are single at the same time, and we've now been dating for about three months. He is such a great person through and through...and I thought we'd have the perfect relationship. Well funny how when you go from friends to boyfriend/girlfriend you learn what the person is really like...My boyfriend is drop dead gorgeous, but every girlfriend prior to me has cheated on him. Well a few wks ago, I went to a club with my girlfriends and he got all pissed because I didn't tell him I was going to a club that night.. (it wasn't planned it just happened...whats the big deal?) So he told me that every time he's been cheated on, it happened in a club. I told him that i care about him so much, and I've waited so long to be with him..I'm not going to risk loosing him! I thought we were done with that..but ever since that night..I've seen more and more signs of him being overprotective. I went out one night with my friends and didn't invite him; he calls me while I'm out, I tell him where I am and he gets pissed again! He's mad I didn't invite him..! Ok...sorry! And whenever I don't hang out with him and his friends he gets mad and says that his friends think I don't like them because I "never hang with them" (which is not true btw), and if I want to just relax and have a night to myself..he gets mad again! I know that we can have something so strong; we were such great friends and I thought us taking it to the next level could only make things better. My girlfriend said that she sees him as the type that would try to isolate me from my friends, and I gotta say..I can see him maybe try to do that. It's like he wants me all to myself, and if I'm out-he HAS to be there, but I need room to breathe. Every time I bring it up, I just joke about it and say yea gimme some room to breathe! And he'll get mad and not talk to me for a little while. It's so frustrating; Id hate to break up with him, I just KNOW we can have something great-please someone help me! I need some advice as to what to do (if there is anything to do). Any advice would be great!! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 How often do you invite him versus not invite him? And how often do you go hang with him and his friends versus turn him down? Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 How often do you invite him versus not invite him? And how often do you go hang with him and his friends versus turn him down? That's an important question. For example, if you are going out with friends he has never met, he should be suspicious. Is he sometimes invited to the club too, or only invited when you do other things with friends? If he is invited every 2-3 times you go out, he should be cool, but if he's been invited once out of 10 times, that is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kitty_candy_4040 Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 well we have known each other for two years, so he's known all my friends for a very long time. my friend has a sports game once a week, and the one time I didn't go out of my way to invite him...he freaks! Maybe I'm just being too nit picky and thinking too much of this-but do you guys think that he's being too overprotective? whenever im out with my friends i always invite him-and he usually goes but like i said, if i wanna have a night just with my friends, he'll get bummed he's not invited. idk maybe its b/c hes used to being invited so much-i really dont know. aah im so confused! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 How often do you have nights where it's just the two of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kitty_candy_4040 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 ALL THE TIME. almost every night is an -us- night lol Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I just joke about it and say yea gimme some room to breathe! And he'll get mad and not talk to me for a little while. You shouldn't have to pay for what others have done to him. every new relationship a person should be over their ex and the baggage needs to be checked. If he has had other girls cheat on him fine.. but that doesn't mean you will cheat and it also doesn't mean that he needs to suffocate you in the process of him dealing with his insecurities. Tell him what you are willing to accept and make him stick to it.. if he gets all pissy about it then let him stew about it without you for a while. Then kick him to the curb.. if he is showing this kind of pressure this early then it will get worse unless you putting your foot down brings him back in line.. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Get rid of him. Controlling men are very insecure and you cannot make him better. Find someone that has their sh@t together. Get rid of anyone that wants to control you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lee725 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I am wondering whether it is this same over-protective behavior which has lead to his past GF's cheating on him? If he has this continual behavior in every relationship then perhaps it is just a reoccurring personality trait in him. As you said in your post you have known him a couple of years, but it was not Untill you become involved in a relationship with him yourself you have seen this... Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I am wondering whether it is this same over-protective behavior which has lead to his past GF's cheating on him? People don't cheat because of the behavior of others. They cheat because they have a personality flaw. They may attempt to use that as an excuse but it's just that, an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 No wonder all his exes look for a way out if he treated them like this!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kitty_candy_4040 Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 Well i sat him down and had a talk with him about some issues. We talked everything out, and it seems like things are going to be ok. I've actually noticed a difference in his behavior too. I don't think he was realizing a lot of the things he's been doing... So keep your fingers crossed for me that everything continues to go well. Thank you for all of your help! I took everyone's advice into consideration. And I will always be on guard for when and if this behavior rises again. Thanks again everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
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