BlueEyedGirl Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I have known this guy for 5 years or so. We used to hang out in the same social circle for a bit, but have long since stopped. He seemed to develop some sort of fixation with me straight away. He was calling me and messaging me around 20 times a day, telling me that I'm beautifull and how much he likes me. He always came off as kind of creepy and I was never interested in the slightest. So I told him that I'm not interested in him and he seemed fine with that and asked if we could stay friends. I didn't really want that even, as I said he creeps me out but said yes as I didn't know what else to say. After that, I never initiated contact and he would periodically call or message and I pretty much never replied. Then I made a mistake. I was going through a bad break up and had this guy on my MSN where he would constantly IM me and I would ignore him. But few times I was feeling particularly bad about my break up and had few long IM conversations with him where he mostly listened and I would go on and on about ex bf. I beleive that this is when he got particularly attached. I quickly realized my mistake and stopped talking to him alltogether. This is when things got bad. Over the last two years he has been constantly harrasing me. He always calls from a private number because he knows I don't answer my phone if I see that it's him. When things are bad, he calls about 30 times in the space of an hour. When things are good, I don't hear from him for 2 or so weeks (never more that that). I have moved and changed my phone numbers (they are unlisted). He has somehow found out my new numbers (I have heard that he was harrasing people I'm friends with for information about me constantly). I have answered my phone few times and really snapped telling him "I"M NOT INTERESTED LEAVE ME ALONE" he would calmly reply "I just want to be friends". He has also told me that he knows my home address. Anytime I talk to him for even 30 seconds he would take as an encouragement to call even more. This has been going on for at least 2 years consistently with no signs of it dying down. I'm sick of keeping my phones on silent, not answering to private numbers and having to go through 30 missed calls to make sure I haven't missed an important call from someone else. Does anyone have any ideas how can I get this guy to leave me alone for good? Link to post Share on other sites
StartingOver07 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Where do you live? In the US you can get a restraining order. Tell him not to contact you again ever. Do not beat around the bush and write down your exact words and the date and time you tell him this. If/when he contacts you again, file for a restraining order. Keep any/all evidence you have of his stalking you, as well as information about how many times you've changed your number, creepy things he's said, names of friends he's pried your numbers from, etc. Another option is to have a man answer your phone one time and tell him to bugger off. Link to post Share on other sites
NoChance Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Do not have a man pick up, do not communicate with him at all in any way. If he is this persistant, and harassing your friends, he is very close to breaking the point between stalker and assaulter. Go to the police, get a restraining order and get him out of your life. I had a similar situation with a girl who I broke up with, but she would not accept it. It got to the point where for a few years after she finally left everytime the phone rang I would jump/heart race a bit, just because I instantly thought it was her again. Look at your situation, he is not in your life at all, yet he is a part of it with all the stress he is creating for you. He is trying to convince you to be his freind by following you and telling you he found out where you live? That is a borderline threat... Unless he is planning on doing something, why would he mention he knows where you live? Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLemonade Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 He is acting like the typical stalker and it definitely could escalate. No one pursues a friendship when someone has specifically said, GO AWAY unless something is not right in their head - get the rest. order and no more contact of any kind. Prayers for you - I have dealt with a stalker in my past, it was an ex - not exactly the same situation, but I totally understand the unease and fear that kind of pursuit causes. Most of the time they are, underneath it all, wimps and once you involve the authorities, it should die off pretty quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Nintenja Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 :eek:Sheesh... Remind me never to become your friend... Instead playing games and ignoring him, you should have told him WHAT HIS PROBLEM WAS. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 He is seriously disturbed and obsessed with you. He has no other life going on. I once had a guy text me 66 times ( I had to pay for all those texts and deleted my texting ability ) I kept that off for almost 2 years. Recently got the texting back. Each text was a mindless stupid comment such as hey who** and stuff like that. You can also contact the phone company and they can block him from calling you. Go before a judge and tell him you have had enough. Good luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
HoustonScrewed Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 At first don't to a restraining order, it can ruin his life in many ways. Also you did send him mixed messages. When he calls you try to tell him that you are sorry for misleading him and that you would appreciate it if he didn't contact you any more. If he calls you again, have someone from your local PD call him back or confrence him in. If the other options fail then go to the court house and file a restraining order. You have done everything that you can to stop him! Link to post Share on other sites
ratzskinakie Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Hopefully he is not one of those crazy people that will one day just have a breakdown of some sort and decide to go to your house and do something crazy. In the U.S. you can get a gun, alot modern generation people say that is crazy but it's just as a right as free speech or have a protest (but of course not an absolute right). or some pepper spray and boiling water might just do. my point is, have plan and be prepared for the unexpected because crazy people happen. Link to post Share on other sites
LikesMeNot Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 This guy has a problem. A restraining order or a man to answer a phone won't work if you have other options. You say he harrased your friends to get your number? You and your friends have to stop going easy on him. You haven't exactly put your foot down. With such an idiotic boy stalking you, by telling him to leave you alone, he probably wants to see (or talk) to u more (same vice versa, that's how I know) Bring it to him at school, then at home (parents can be effective) and, if you must, at court. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Get a new cell phone number and be more descrete the next time you give it out. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Get a second phone line and second cell phone. Then put the first phone line and cellphone on silent and only use the second one. Also, tell all your phone contacts never to give out your number to anyone. Hopefully he won't figure this out, so he will just keep calling you all the time not realising you aren't even hearing the messages. Do the same with your IM, email, and anything else. Another thing you should do is buy a shredder and religiously destroy any paperwork before you throw it out (e.g. mailshots, card info, bills, statements). Stalkers can find out a huge amount about you by going through your rubbish. Go ex-directory as well. As for a restraining order, often this can aggravate a stalker, so it is not really worthwhile unless all other options have been exhausted. Finally, you should contact some group that specialises in support for people who are stalked. Stalking is a serious issue that can escalate to sexual assault, rape, kidnapping and even murder. Treat it with his level of seriousness, otherwise you may regret it later. Document as much as you can, and inform the police, so that in future if you need to call on them, there's already prior history and they will take it more seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 http://members.tripod.com/~heinzb/harrass.html Link to post Share on other sites
NYHottie2968 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I just wanted to say I am sorry for what you are going through. I have been stalked by two of my prior boyfriends. I had a restraining order on the one bf for 2 years. He kept harassing me even with the restraining order. I was told on every occasion from the police that the only way they could enforce the order was if he physically hurt me. I was in shock. The only way this person finally left me alone was over time. I never replied to any of his mail, phone calls or anything. I really did everything I could to avoid him 100%, and I think time was the only cure for that. I cant say that would work for you but I feel for you and it is a real hard thing to go through. Surround yourself with friends. Try not to be alone if you think he will be someplace you may be. Always keep car keys in an easy to get to location. Have an escape plan. Better safe than sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
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