Timberlane Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Despite both of us being very careful to use birth control (The Pill and sometimes condoms/spermicide combined) my FWB is now pregnant with my child. I can't tell you how conflicted the whole thing is, although we are both looking forward to meeting the little wee one in a few months. But the strain of not having a real relationship that we could fully dive into is very disheartening. So those of you in FWBs, keep this risk in mind. Ask yourself if you could be with that other person? You might not take the risks so casually after that. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Have you verified it's yours or are you taking her word for it? If this is just a FWB I'd strongly recommend you get a DNA test. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Why isn't it possible to develop a full relationship with her? You certainly have the sexual chemistry, you are already friends if there really was a Friendship as part of the FWB, and you're both committed to being parents. Arranged marriages have prospered on far less than that. Are you sure that you would be entirely incompatible? In any case, maybe they ought to rename FWB to FWBAR - friends with benefits and risks. Link to post Share on other sites
NoChance Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Have you verified it's yours or are you taking her word for it? If this is just a FWB I'd strongly recommend you get a DNA test. If a girl has one FWB, she most likely other guys in circulation as well. Make sure she hasnt pinned down the best Dad first. If its still you then I'd have to agree with norajane and say unless theres some glaring reason she is only a FWB for you, at least give a try for a real relationship for the sake of your future kid. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Despite both of us being very careful to use birth control (The Pill and sometimes condoms/spermicide combined) my FWB is now pregnant with my child. I can't tell you how conflicted the whole thing is, although we are both looking forward to meeting the little wee one in a few months. But the strain of not having a real relationship that we could fully dive into is very disheartening. So those of you in FWBs, keep this risk in mind. Ask yourself if you could be with that other person? You might not take the risks so casually after that. Hey! Congratulations! You'll love the baby and you'll be so happy and so proud... Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 This can get messy and then messier. While the courts are not as unfair to fathers in regards to custody as they use to be, things haven't changed much for the fathers who were never married to the mother. It's almost as if the courts see this as an indication of their ability to be responsible as a parent. My ex roomie is a single dad. He became a dad from the same situation you now find yourself in. When his son was six months old, the mom pretty much turned the kid over to the dad. From that point to when the boy was eight, she lived within walking distance, never paid any support and saw her son maybe once a week. She would not ever try to work her schedule at her crap job in a way to help my roomate hold steady income. He is a talented enough writer/journalist to work from home most of that time. When their son was eight, some of the sites he wrote for went under and he couldn't keep it together. He needed to move back to his home state, where his family could help him and get a regular job. He told the mom and she wasn't happy, but would not do a thing to change her schedule to allow him to get a regular job in the area. So he moved. Her mother drove her to that state and she pulled their son out of school and put him back in his old one. Despite her lack of effort or interest all those years, her drinking history, or the fact that she would keep a kid cooped in a back room at a convenience store while she worked her shift, it took my roomate a year to get his son back. His dad had to take out a loan for all the legal fees and travel. He won, but gets barely any child support granted to him and is required to do all the driving for her visits. All because they were never married. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 In any case, maybe they ought to rename FWB to FWBAR - friends with benefits and risks. This is just close enough to FUBAR to have a dual message. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timberlane Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 Hey, just noticed I got some responses. Ha. As for the paternity of the child, I'm 100% certain it's mine, but there will be blood tests in any case. Crude, but certainly reassuring. The mother would not hide the paternity of this one, nor is she the type to lie even about small stuff. All told, she has some pretty good genes, too. And it wasn't the girl in this case that was seeing others on the side, it was me. I was the only person she was seeing and in fact she had actually thought we were getting serious. Miscommunication there. Eh, who knows what will happen in the future? The fact is, we are both in for a hell of a ride and we are trying to keep it all on track. I had thought my (now ex) wife and I would have been having a kid by now. Still haven't told her about it. Or my parents. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I married mine, had a great number of years together and while the 'husband and wife' part ended, we are still best friends and very close parenting partners. We have a great kid to show for it, we both gained new extended families and we will always have each other about as close as you can get for the rest of our lives. Our relationship grew from FWB into something deeper during the time we bonded while our baby was in the hospital. She was in there a total of three months (she was born at 28 weeks), and we spent part of every day there with her in the neonatal unit watching her fight to live. That time brought us together in ways that may not have happened otherwise. We married as a family. We married the day our baby got out of the hospital and we went home together as a family. Our marriage has always been based on that, so that is why we are still family even if we aren't husband and wife anymore. Easy marriage, no fuss split - pieces of paper don't change what we had or still have. Now, that said, it doesn't always work out that way but I can say I'm happy with how things turned out overall. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Despite both of us being very careful to use birth control (The Pill and sometimes condoms/spermicide combined) my FWB is now pregnant with my child.. I'm not trying to dout you but if you were using all of those I find it very hard to believe she got preg. Are you sure she didn't stop taking the pill at least? you said she thought there was a R forming maybe she didn't take it to force the issue? I just think thats such a one in twenty billion shot if even possible just doesn't sound right! Link to post Share on other sites
downthatslide Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 This is frightening to me. I could not raise a child with any FWB of mine. There is just no way I could do that to myself or to a prospective offspring. Best wishes, you have guts sir! Link to post Share on other sites
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