k07 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 im 16 now in tenth grade. I've liked this girl since 5th grade. Every year from 5th grade on we've had a thing on and off. She gives me mixed messages. By always asking who i like. I'll say its still you nothings changed. She'll say but maybe it has n start saying how she might be starting to like me. Then the next day complaining to me she dosent have a bf and she watns one and names lla the people she would consider and none of them are me. Im tired of going through this its been hell for 6 years. She knows i love her i've told her and she just does the same stuff. Any ways i can get over her would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 (edited) Dude... She's got you wrapped around her little finger, and she's manipulating you. I don't necessarily believe she's "evil", being you are both still young, but I'm more worried that if you did end up in a relationship with her, you would basically give her all the power and be a doormat. She knows you like her, she knows you always have... That's not the mystery here, it's the problem. To her, you are a toy: reliable, always there, unconditional. "A thing on a string, to be thrown and retrieved..." She doesn't have to work for you, she can roll you out to the end of the string and then reel you right back in with a jerk of her wrist, just like a yo yo. Again, I'm not saying she's bad, but over the past 6 years, and through your mutual and understandable inexperience, you've taught each other an imbalanced way of interacting with each other that I believe probably wouldn't work very well if you did link up in a relationship. For you, I wish that you could see yourself as an attractive young man on your own terms, grow into and feel your life as an individual, instead of thinking of yourself in terms of your (practically) lifelong devotion to her. If I were to suggest something, I would try not being so devoted to her for a while. Don't be so quick to affirm your unconditional, unchanging love for her. Start to experience your life, and see yourself as an individual. Believe me, if you enter into a relationship and you are just a devoted puppy dog, grateful for whatever she gives you, it won't work for either of you in the long run. You will eventually grow tired of it, at a point where you realize you do need to understand yourself as a confident and independent individual, and if that doesn't happen first, she will eventually lose respect for you as she has to carry all the weight in the relationship. Next time she casts around for you to sit up and beg, and reaffirm your undying devotion to her, try not buying into it. If she starts suggesting boyfriends that might work for her, enthusiastically join in, and suggest a few possibilities of your own, not bothering to notice that you are not on the list. Then ask for her help in drawing up a list of girlfriend prospects for you. If she wriggles the conversation around in some way to get you to reaffirm that you still like her, tell her that's all well and good, but in order to be the kind of real man that she deserves, you really have to know who you are first, and you'll let her know when you've got that figured out. I know this is hard for someone who's 16, and I don't know how to tell you how to do it, but you need to find your confidence in yourself as a person, as an individual. Don't let your self worth be defined by the attention of a woman from the outside. I'm not saying "shun them, ignore them, don't be interested" in girls... No, that part of being 16 I remember quite clearly... But make sure you value and honor yourself, you as a unique and valuable and strong individual, before you cast your line out to link up in a relationship with someone else. And I'll tell you what - having that confidence and independence will only make you more attractive in the long run. Likely, if you don't respond right away to her with your usual "I've always liked you and I always will..." but come off as a little more calm, thoughtful, and independent, it may drive her a little crazy for you... And you know, I could just be full of BS here, as I realize I really don't know what it's like to be 16. To some degree, I'm trying to fit the last 28 years of my experience (everything since I was 16...) into a few paragraphs, and maybe that just doesn't make sense to you.... Take it or leave it, I hope something here helps... Good luck. Edited January 22, 2008 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
Author k07 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 thanks a lot man that helped Link to post Share on other sites
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