7 Days NC

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

I am 7 days NC, and I know that it's still ridiculously early days, but I don't know if I am a) doing the right thing b) doing it the right way.

 

I feel really strong right now, probably because I am not seeing him, but part of me thinks I am just stronger and could handle just hanging out with him, no strings, no commitment, just being "us". I feel that if we just tried being casual again it would be easier for him, and I do think that we could talk through things more and maybe reach a resolution. I feel like such a hypocrite as well as the worlds biggest loser.

 

Even if NC is the right thing to do, I don't know if I am doing it right, I feel like I am just waiting for him to contact me, just wasting time waiting for "us" again. I am working on myself, well a bit, but I am also looking up Gaelic Love poems for his birthday card (June) and wondering whether in to post him the ticket for the show we are supposed to watch in March.... I am even considering a valentines card, not a "I love you I want you back come back" card just a "I love you, I hope you are happy - BTW I would take you back if you asked" card.

 

I feel like such a desperado, and I know that it makes no sense, but I miss him so much and I know him and he wont fight, maybe because he doesn't want to and maybe because he can't. He let the girl he loved before me the "love of his life" walk away and he didn't fight. I don't think he knows how and I think his depression means that he thinks that people are better off without him.

 

It's so bloody hard!!!

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Don't listen to these people telling you to go NC and all those idiotic ideas.

 

If you want to talk to him, do.

 

Don't talk to him if that's what you want to do, or if he tells you he wants you to leave him alone etc.

 

I think those cards etc are romantic and a way to resolve your feelings.

 

Ariadne

[screwedup55]

I agree with Ariadne. People say NC, because the experience they had with NC and NC helped them through it. Experiences may be similiar, but every experience is unique. The people involved in them are different and they think and react differently.

 

You need to do what you need to do. There is no right or wrong here only life experiences.

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

Thanks for the advice it's good to know that if I crack I am not the worst person in the world and that it's ok to want to see him.

 

It's just a really hard day, I miss him a lot and dating site ads keep flashing up and the thought of seeing anyone else or dating makes me want to cry and vomit all at the same time.

 

The radio doesn't help, I don't know how many people here are UK based but wow the songs in the charts lately are just killers!!!

 

Apart from Leona Lewis and her bleeding love.

 

You have "Elvis isn't dead and you're coming back to me" and "I thought it was over but it's not I'm in love with a fool and you don't know what you've lost"

 

I am going to try to be NC for a little longer, because although I worry that he hasn't got it in him to fight I wish that for once in his life he would prove me wrong.

[screwedup55]

I have never really gone through an extended period of NC with my ex. People say that is the only way to heal. Even though she is with someone else, I still enjoy talking to her. I have to say I'm healing. It might go faster with NC though. I don't know.

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

I don't know why this day has gone so wrong nothing has happened but emotionally I am a wreck!! I just miss him so much, I know I have probably done it to myself last night was the first time in ages that I let myself think about him and now I am ruined.

 

I want to call, text, facebook whatever but it's only been 7 days and at the end of the day I should try to retain some dignity. And if just thinking about him has done this to me then what would seeing/talking to him do?

 

Now Mariah Carey "Always be my baby" is on the radio, sometimes I hate working in an office!

 

I feel really bad posting on here all the time but I feel like if I leave these thoughts in my head I will go crazy and my friends I think are probably a little bored of it.

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

I think that maybe I could handle talking to him, but didn't it kill you when your ex got with someone else? I am not sure if I am at that stage yet.

I think the difference is you seem to be hurting but not desperate for your ex back, I am hurting and I think I want him back, I don't know.

 

Oh fiddlesticks!!!

[screwedup55]

It did and does hurt very badly that my ex is with someone else. I do want her back badly. I'm trying to be realistic about it. She's back with her ex who she never got over. So I really don't think I have a chance. But I can't imagine not being friends with her. We have the ability to talk about stupid little things, just to talk.

 

Most of the talk of pride and dignity is stupid in my opinion. The only thing you have to worry about your pride and dignity is if you do something that damages your self respect. Sometimes people are too worried about their own egos.

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

I agree I try not to worry about what is wrong or right but do what feels best. I need to be true to myself not some rule in a book or website.

 

I just don't know if the temporary relief of talking to him is doing what's best for me. I don't think I have given myself enough time away to gain perspective and understand the situation.

 

I love him and I miss his friendship incredibly, I don't think I can imagine him not being a part of my life even though this time last year or even this time 6 months ago I didn't even know he existed. I'm going to try to stick to this, not for egotistical reasons but I owe it to myself to give myself a chance of being happy without him.

 

No doubt I will be back in an hour or a day or a week distraught because I want to poke him....

 

being single hurts, it's lonely and sad, but it's nothing to being heartbroken, I just don't understand why those seem to be my only choices in life!

[screwedup55]

If you need support. We are all here.

[jdeedee]

NiceGirl whatever you do we'll be here to support you. I think the most important thing in the world is to do what you feel is right. If there is inkling of doubt regarding contact with your ex what does your gut say? We know where other people are at and where we are at. Will you feel better if you contact him and he doesn't reply? Will it tear into you for the next month or will it provide some amount of closure in your life?

 

What if he does reply? Do you think you are solid enough to survive conversing with him?

 

Answers you know in your gut I guess. Sorry I'm having a bit of a rough day so my advice is probably jumbled.

[Jmina]

Hey,

its good that you came here to at least get your feelings out so you have more room for direction.

 

I feel that if you cant handle not seeing him, you probably couldnt handle seeing him just under 'friend' terms. especially if he makes it clear thats all you are and will be.

 

Youre going to go through SOO many emotions at the early stage so just keep trusting yourself on this. Stick with your intuition.

 

If you just HAVE to break NC well, you are only going to learn from it one way or another.

 

I have been in no contact for 7 months but i emailed her last week, and it paid off for me. but that was after a long time in nc. It is helping me move on that a) i know she really is gone for a long time. and b) she sends peace.

 

I think maybe stick to NC for a while yet and make some contact if you feel the same questions bug you for a long time that you need closure on... maybe you just need to tell him how you feel. Im sure he alredy knows, but time apart defenetly will give you more of a chance of reconciliation.

 

Just work on yourself now. find what you like to do and do it. write everything you feel down and learn. about yourself, about love, about everything you can. help other people. but best of all just stick to you.

 

Jmina

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

Firstly thank you so much again for the support, I feel so indulgent talking on here, just expressing myself. I am always the listener, and now I feel that I have opened a floodgate.

 

You are both right I need to listen to my gut but first I need to give my gut time to think.

 

It's just that I get such crazy thoughts, for instance today I need to take a pregnancy test and part of me wants it to be positive, not because I want a baby to trap him or anything. Just because I would have to call him then!! (wow I am nuts) I know that is an irresponsible and silly thing to say but.... I am saying the things in my head that are too crazy to say to people who know your name!!!

 

Part of me wants to call him before I do it, it's the second one I am doing since meeting him and I just feel like I shouldn't have to do these things alone.

 

I joked to him that I am surprised that my doctor hasn't taken me into care the amount of sex related problems I have had in the past 6 months!!

 

And I go through everything alone, I deal with it and then when it's fixed I tell him and he is like oh ok, whilst I have days and weeks of worrying about stuff.

 

Rubbish rubbishness!!!

[jdeedee]

It's not a crazy thought. I hope everything is okay.

[screwedup55]

You're not nuts. You really want to interact with him, because you miss him and the feeling you get when you are interacting him. I miss that feeling too.

 

Best wishes and also hope everything is okay.

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

Thanks so much for reply to my crazy thoughts and not thinking I am a complete nutter.

 

I just did the test and it was negative and I am incredibly happy, I really don't want a baby right now, especially not with a man who can't do a relationship where he never had to try not even once! Speaking to someone who doesn't want to speak to me is really not as important as I thought it was.

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

I was going to email this to him but I am going to email it to this instead....

 

Hey you,

I have been having some abnormal uterine bleeding and one of the reasons for it according to the woman at NHS direct could be an ectopic pregnancy, also Stella says that Malcolm’s ex went to the doctor with weird bleeding and it turned out that she was pregnant. So I have been worrying for about 4 days so I did a pregnancy test today it’s about a week too early to give me any sort of result but I felt like if I was so pregnant that it was making my body bleed constantly for 21 days then surely something would show up and it didn’t. And you know what I was a little disappointed, not because I want a baby yours or anyone else’s, but because if I had seen 2 lines I could have called you, I would have a legitimate reason to break this no contact thing. I want to be your friend, I miss you.

 

You never let me fight for us as a couple you couldn’t be a relationship with me, and then 6 weeks later you can’t be in a friendship with me, I want to fight for our friendship. I know we can make friendship work, I am not saying we need to talk everyday or even every week. We would need rules, for instance no sex, no talking about our love lives with other people.

 

You said that you love me but you can’t be happy with me, I don’t know what that means but I think it means that you are not in love with me but that you care deeply for me, surely that’s a fantastic basis for a friendship.

 

You broke up with me nearly 2 months ago, you have never relented, I gave you so many opportunities to change your mind and you were sure, and now I understand that and although it’s hard to have to get over you, it will be easier if I don’t have to miss you all the time.

 

I don’t want this to turn into the tragic story about the guy I loved that said he loved me but couldn’t be with me, and I don’t want it to turn into the story of the guy I liked and then I hated. I just want this to be the story of two friends who are friends end of story.