I'm 32 and I want to cry

[georgejungle]

I'm 32 and I'm a dude and I just feel like crying. I have

such a great amount of pain in my heart, like it's broken

but for all the wrong reasons. No worries, i may be depressed

but i'm not doing anything dumb to cure it. I feel dumb because

of it, because, i have no reason at all to be depressed..really.

 

I'm just a big ball of worry and stress, always have been, but more so lately. And now that i'm older and married, i feel a stress to do right by it, to be that big adult with the rent and the job and the wife. I want it all and i feel in control of it all . . .yet it's like (for me) being a rad race car driver in a race doing so well, then all of the sudden realizing how fast i'm actually going and then freaking out over it, even though i've been doing it and doing it well for quite a while. So what's the worry?

 

So Here i am, sitting at work, just worrying about things. My mind clouded with everything I wish i could to do to improve things, take care of my wife even better than I try so hard to do, keep myself healthy, etc. I'm close to being diagnosed with irritable bowel and a lot of my docs just

continually ask if i'm stressed. Heck yeah, i am. But of WHAT?

 

I really need to find an inner peace within that i can latch onto that

will help me stay focused and STOP thinking about the Negative things

in live all the time and Focus on the GOOD stuff. I have too much fear inside me.

I have too much fear of letting those I love down. Of not being able to perform,

of not being able to be that upstanding man my wife deserves. I want to be strong.

[ElvenPriestess]

just remember to try and not over analyze things. Take things at face value, in a positive light. You love your wife. You CAN AND DO take care of her, you ARE succeeding. So don't think or dwell on things going so right they could go wrong, just think of how awesome things are going. How satisfied you are and your wife is with you. It's very human and normal to cry, but ask yourself why? Fear of something that isn't actually happening? Think about it. And feel better. Things are going great!

[Green]

theres a new George of the Jungle series on Cartoon Network, pretty good

[swansong519]

It sounds like your "inner critic" is working overtime. You need to tell that bugger to shut his pie hole because he isn't helping.

 

Punishing ones self for choices/mistakes/decisions or second guessing ourselves seems like it's becoming a national pastime.

I know there are times that if I actually had a whip handy I would probably self flagellate.

 

I also feel the weight of life and past decisions and the fear that I'm not good enough or haven't done enough....especially, haven't done enough.

 

The truth is...you care. You care about the people around you...the people you love...

You're clearly a sensitive person and there is no shame in "feeling"...or wanting the best for the people you love....BUT...you ned to be gentler with yourself. It is not in your power to make everyone around you "happy".

 

You're human...you make mistakes...you're not perfect...but you obviously care and are doing your best. What else can you expect from yourself?

 

The next time that critic starts whispering negative things in your ear, find a private spot and say out loud....enough! Stop it! you're not helping! I may not be perfect but I'm a damn sight more capable than you're giving me credit for!

 

And...keep talking...keep sharing...and don't be ashamed for how you're feeling. A man can be a man and still be caring and sensitive.

[SeraBella]

Why not talk to your doctor about this? It's very normal to feel this way, believe it or not.

 

They could recommend some treatment...either with therapy or drugs. And a lot of people are against the drugs, but so many of them don't alter who you are...they just make you feel normal. I went on anti-depressants 7 years ago and they took a few weeks to work, but once they did, I couldn't believe how much better I felt. I still cared about things, I was still me, but the things that bothered me, and the things that stressed me just rolled off my back. A friend even said "You're so laid back, and easy going, that's why I love you." Something I NEVER would have expected to hear. I stopped taking the about 5 years ago, and I haven't felt the need to go back. I still get depressed sometimes, but that's normal. And I don't ever feel the way I used to. The only thing I thought was "why didn't I do this sooner?"

[Kasan]

I think that there are an incredible amount of people in life who look very calm and serene on the surface, but are paddling like mad underneath the water.

 

We all have anxieties and worries about being good enough, strong enough, on and on we go. You can worry and fret about everything, but the most amazing thing that I have found is the worst can happen, and life goes on.

 

You still stand, the world doesn't end, and you learn to appreciate the good moments in your life, and become strong, because you know in your wisdom that life does through you curve balls.

 

To stress out about things that you can't control to the point of making yourself sick is just counter productive.

[georgejungle]

thanks all. thanks so much.

 

i'm going to try and combat this, i just feel afraid as some mentioned

to spill my guts about everything. Makes me feel less of a man in some ways because that's the way I was brought up. You don't show all your weaknesses. You suck it up and move on like a trooper. I don't want to feel crappy and inadequate and make my wife worry about me and then in turn Worry about Worrying her. Ugh, it's silly i know.

 

I'm going to get stronger, i just need to let it all out, keeping it all in makes me feel like exploding! I'm going to take the time to relax and NOT think. Let all the negative energy out and keep positive. That's all i can really do anyway.

Edited January 22, 2008 by georgejungle

[JamesM]

Yeah, been there done that...and survived. It is like confidently driving fast on the highway when you suddenly realize that you are driving on ice with no way to stop short of a crash.

 

I remember for me that this was about the same age as you. We had a new baby and another was on the way. It suddenly hit me that I was not only married, had a house, two cars, etc. but now I was also responsible for a family. How did this all happen so quickly? It seemed just yesterday that I was thinking of marriage.

 

That was almost 13 years ago, and now I am approaching the time when my four children will be teenagers. The thought scares me.

 

I would like to say that the panic and anxiety disappear completely, but they don't. However, you DO learn to realize what the cause is and how to eliminate the fears before they become too big of a problem.

 

There is the idea that was also mentioned that counseling may help. Is there any event that precipitated this anxiety? Is there some bill due? Are finances out of control?

 

Many times if we answer the problems that caused the anxiety, we can eliminate the anxiety...at least for now.

 

Hang in there...welcome to adulthood. You DO get used to it and actually enjoy it.

 

BUT...then you become 40. Been there done that, too...and survived.

[D-Lish]

Everything you are describing- word for word is indicative of depression and anxiety disorder. How do I know? Because I have suffered with it my entire life.

 

The sadness, the stress, the constant worrying and butterflies in the stomache. I didn't get it diagnosed until my divorce about 5 years ago or so. I started some meds- found a combination that worked and things are soooooo much different and better.

 

Depression isn't something you control- it's a chemical imbalance... and it's easily managed with medication. I can't tell you the difference it made for me. Especially the anxiety part of it- which often made it hard for me to function. It got to the point where I was afraid to do anything or go anywhere. It was awful.

 

There is a stigma attached to depression/anxiety disorders and being on medication. It doesn't make you less of a man to seek help!!

It makes you responsible to seek that help.

 

Here is what I suggest- do a little research of the symptoms of "GAD" (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and Depression. See if those symptoms fit. Then, speak to your doctor.

 

If you had a deep cut you'd get stitches right? If you had an infection you'd take antibiodics right? A broken arm.... you'd get a cast....

You get the picture. It is no different to seek help and take meds for Disorders that affect the brain.

 

Just do a symptom check online. I am no Doctor of course- I am only telling you that I suffer from the same- along with many-many others, and your descriptions of how you feel remind me almost word for word how my life was once affected.

[JamesM]

I'm 32 and I'm a dude and I just feel like crying. I have

such a great amount of pain in my heart, like it's broken

but for all the wrong reasons. No worries, i may be depressed

but i'm not doing anything dumb to cure it. I feel dumb because

of it, because, i have no reason at all to be depressed..really.

 

I'm just a big ball of worry and stress, always have been, but more so lately.

 

I have too much fear inside me.

I have too much fear of letting those I love down. Of not being able to perform,

of not being able to be that upstanding man my wife deserves. I want to be strong.

 

D-Lish, excellent points. I do not want to ignore this big possibility. When I reread his post after reading yours, I can see that this may be true. I understand your feelings above, but they are misfounded.

 

Healing a disease is never a sign of weakness. However, ignoring one is not only dumb, it is a sign of immaturity and weakness.

 

When we are strong, we fear not to appear weak.

 

When we feel weak, we fear that others may see so we attempt to appear strong.

 

Seeing a doctor/counselor may be a good idea.

[quankanne]

I still get depressed sometimes, but that's normal. And I don't ever feel the way I used to. The only thing I thought was "why didn't I do this sooner?"

 

this is me after getting on meds; before then, I was a basket case but had no way of expressing myself (which is rather ironic, considering my field of work) because I didn't know how. Now I can move through those periods of depression or anxiety knowing that there's and end to those periods, that it's not going to consume my whole life. And life in general can do that to you.

 

some suggestions:

• find refuge in music (or prayer or a particular movie or book or pasttime) to help you circumvent those feelings when they get particularly heavy. Hoops and Yoyo is my "stress-relief website" when I desperately need a good laugh to let off steam or anxiety; certain songs help me keep my perspective that I don't have to be in complete charge because God is; certain books have helped me through the grieving process

 

• get on an exercise regime to help bleed off your anxiety

 

• talk to your doctor about what you're going through. Because as other posters have pointed out, a chemical imbalance of even the smallest amount can throw your body out of whack, and stress or poor health is notorious for messing up those chemical balances. Medications, supplements and diet can help get them back into whack, but you really need to let your doctor in on what's going on so that he can monitor you.

 

from personal experience, the first medication he prescribed worked wonders, though I've got a couple of friends who've had to try several different anti-depressants before they found the right one that worked with their system.

 

remember, you're not alone, and that help is available to you at any time.

 

good luck, we're pulling for you!

[georgejungle]

Is there any event that precipitated this anxiety? Is there some bill due? Are finances out of control?

 

well, here's the thing... I try and try to keep a High level of Positive thinking 24/7, ask anyone they'll say i'm happy and laid back, Unless I let something bother me, then i Can't Stop Thinking about it. Ever since a few months ago when I started having a lot of stomach issues, not feeling that great, I've been back and forth to the Doc. They claim stress, can't find anything really wrong. Yet my symptoms appear. Maybe it's my paranoia and stress irritating an already existing (but mild) case of something.

 

Anyway, So yeah, i get bummed, start thinking I could be really sick or something, get mad at myself for eating poorly thinking I could have orevented this, think about worrying about it, worrying my wife because of my worrying and it starts this downward spiral for me. I try not to show my depressed feelings to my wife, i don't want her to worry. When again, it's probably not anything terrible that's going on inside, yet my brain thinks of every possible bad thing. Everyone has little med issues from time to time, i'm no different. I just worry.

 

I think another factor to my stress is that i feel unhealthy and in the dark about

what's causing me to feel crappy and my wife and I have been trying to conceive

and i worry will it happen?, Am i healthy enough?, Is everything working down there for me?, etc etc etc.

 

I know I seem wacky probably.

Edited January 22, 2008 by georgejungle

[JamesM]

well, here's the thing... I try and try to keep a High level of Positive thinking 24/7, ask anyone they'll say i'm happy and laid back, Unless I let something bother me, then i Can't Stop Thinking about it.

 

Why? Why do you feel that you must appear strong all of the time?

 

Ever since a few months ago when I started having a lot of stomach issues, not feeling that great, I've been back and forth to the Doc. They claim stress, can't find anything really wrong. Yet my symptoms appear. Maybe it's my paranoia and stress irritating an already existing (but mild) case of something.

 

It could be. It could also be something you are eating. My wife had that recently. Tests showed nothing wrong with her stomach, but through research I found out it was carrageen. Or it could be stress related.

 

Anyway, So yeah, i get bummed, start thinking I could be really sick or something, get mad at myself for eating poorly thinking I could have orevented this, think about worrying about it, worrying my wife because of my worrying and it starts this downward spiral for me.

 

I truly have been there. For me, it was simply researching every possible reason and discovering what was the cause. Anxiety disorder (mild) was at the root. Now I see that when the stress and anxiety build up, physical symptoms appear. This means that I sit back and discover why I am stressed. Since my relationship is good with my wife, I can talk with her and appear vulnerable...yet she thinks I am strong ( I think. )

 

The spiral will continue until you learn to share with either a wife, a friend, or a counselor.

 

I try not to show my depressed feelings to my wife, i don't want her to worry.

 

Why in the world not? Women like to help men, too. She worries more when she doesn't know what is bothering you than if she did. I know that I married my best friend. A good wife IS someone to whom you can confide every fear and achievement.

 

When again, it's probably not anything terrible that's going on inside, yet my brain thinks of every possible bad thing. Everyone has little med issues from time to time, i'm no different.

 

This is very normal to worry, but it is not normal to think it is not normal. Did that make sense? We all worry about symptoms and feelings. But how we deal with our fears is what defines courage.

 

Here is a quote for you.....

"Courage is being scared to death — and saddling up anyway."

— John Wayne (Marion Morrison), American actor (1907-1979)

 

And in your case, it means that being afraid is okay if you deal with that fear head on...instead of pretending it does not exist.

[JamesM]

 

I think another factor to my stress is that i feel unhealthy and in the dark about

what's causing me to feel crappy and my wife and I have been trying to conceive

and i worry will it happen?, Am i healthy enough?, Is everything working down there for me?, etc etc etc.

 

I know I seem wacky probably.

 

 

Ah, perhaps THIS is at the root of your recent anxiety?

 

No, you are definitely not wacky. Funny thing is...while you think others are strong and are handling life, they too are hiding their fears from others. The question becomes is...how do they handle those fears? Like you and pretend they are not there or by facing them head on despite the risk and possible consequences that may occur.

 

I have learned that most of my fears and worries are much worse than the actual event.

[georgejungle]

thanks James. I have to say, it means a lot coming from

another guy. I cherish all the advice though male or female i don't

take any of it for granted, but to know that another Guy, a MAN, has had probs same as mine, means a lot.

 

I can't help right now but laugh one minute and the next minute just think about

things and want to break down a little. I have too much Fear.

Edited January 22, 2008 by georgejungle

[stbx2007]

You definitely sound depressed. Tell your doctor to prescribe an antidepressant therapy regimen. He or she may give you an antidepressant drug or send you to talk therapy and an exercise routine. You probably need both. I know you may not want to take any kind of drug but depression can damage your heart and other organs. I think the best solution is a combination of one on one counseling with group counseling in addition to one of the better antidepressants. You don't have to stay on them but you should take them for at least a year. They will help you to stop the ruminating (constant worry and negative thoughts) and allow you to not feel so strongly about everything. Your nerve endings are so sensitive now that they're raw. Its like putting a bandage on a wound. Once it heals you can take it off. Prayer helps too, especially when you believe it does. If you've ever even heard of prayer find out how to do it. You have to pray and then leave it or its a waste. I'm going to pray that you get off your duff and get some help in the meantime. Good luck to you.

[JamesM]

thanks James. I have to say, it means a lot coming from

another guy.

 

 

I have too much Fear.

 

You are welcome. As a guy who has dealt with depression and anxiety, I know how you feel. Looking back, I can see how learning to deal with it has made me who I am.

 

I went to counseling for a few months, and it was a tremendous relief to spill out all of my feelings to someone who cared...or at least was paid to care. Seriously, it was opening a flood gate. I can never say that I thought I was weak for going, but yes, there can be that stigma. Many times that stigma is in our own heads, though, not in the eyes of others.

 

As for meds, I think you would be amazed at how many people take them. Yes, men do, too. I never needed them, but this does not mean I think they are not helpful.

 

For me, since I am a research kind of guy, it now helps me to read about my problems. The more I learn, the more I determine how to deal with the issue at hand. Yet it is not always that simple. Just like when you have an illness, you can learn everything there is to know about it, but you still need a doctor to heal you. So it is with emotional illnesses.

 

As for fear....we all have too much fear if we let it take hold of us. As I type this, I could come up with a long list that are my fears. Most of them are things that could go wrong in my future. The ironic thing is...very few if any of my fears will actually become reality.

 

I suggest that you learn as much as you can, but do not leave it there. If the fear persists, then find a cure with either a counselor or a doctor. Life is too short to lose most of it to fear and worry.

[georgejungle]

Thanks All. Your words are very much appreciated.

 

it's a struggle and I wanna smack myself, because i truly do know, i'm not alone and other people feel bad and have a hard time, i'm not the only one. Some people have it harder than I probably, who knows, so i should stop worrying about it do what I can to make myself better. i realized this all last night... When the going gets tough, i run and hide. I do. I get a wound and then i put a blanket over it to hide it, rather then clean it and make sure i do the right things to take care of it on my own. I may put up a fight and keep a positive attitude for a while when things get rough, but I give up too easy and then let fear pollute my brain rather than ask for help.

 

I've made up my mind that, whatever it takes, if i need meds, if i need better vitamins, if i need to see a couselor, whatever, i'm just going to do it. If i need help, it's o.k. to ask (my biggest hardship)...But I'm going to learn to help myself better too.

 

it's alright for me to cry, i know it is. But I'm going to keep my chin up and

get to work, rather than let it bother me so much to the point of tears.

Edited January 23, 2008 by georgejungle

[swansong519]

Hey Jungle man.

 

Sounds like you've been doing some soul searching. Good for you. And doubly good for you for being open to talking to your Dr or a counselor. I know there can be quite the stigma attached to seeking out those kinds of help...but just remember...those stigmas were created a long time ago and they are starting to disappear as more and more people find themselves needing the services of a mental health professional.

 

I hope you take this new found motivation and run with it.

 

But you may change your mind...you may decide that you don't really need that kind of help. You may decide that you can deal with these issues on your own. Then you may decide that you can't...lol...and then you may get mad at yourself for not going for help the first time around.

I mention this, because I have walked that path as well.

 

Regardless...be gentle with yourself...and give yourself permission to be imperfect as you grow.

 

You're on the right path, GJ...good luck to you.

[Lovelybird]

Actually contrary to what people think, depression CAN be managed. I can say that, and many people can prove that.

 

All things start from our mind and heart, how you manage your thought and what thought and ideas you let them in your mind decide your happiness. Medication maybe can give you numb feeling temporarily, but you can become depend on those medications without learning to cope those issue by yourself, like drugs.

 

The downspirle is the bad report from doctor, right? you let those negative flood come into your mind without checking. and you seemed overwelmed by negative flood.

 

I don't know if you believe in God, a quiet conversation with God can expel those fears and worries. Instead of medication I think meditation will do much good to our inner beings. when we meditate, solutions and words of God which bring peace can enter our mind.

 

A famous woman Joyce Meyer who had been abused in her childhood learned to fight those negativeness with word of God, and have a peaceful joyful life now, she write the book

Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind

Managing Your Emotions: Instead of Your Emotions Managing You

 

How do you win over those negativeness? begin to fill your mind with positiveness, if you let light in, darkness will be expelled, release those worries and fears to God. you don't have to live like most people do who living in fear and worry. do you know those kind of people who are so peaceful and joyful almost all the time? they learn the secret about life, that is trusting in God, embrace words and grace of God, control what things they let them into their mind.

 

By belief they are cured from uncurable cancer, from addictions, from depressions, anything is possible through God

 

just another thought

Edited January 24, 2008 by Lovelybird

[D-Lish]

Actually contrary to what people think, depression CAN be managed. I can say that, and many people can prove that.

 

All things start from our mind and heart, how you manage your thought and what thought and ideas you let them in your mind decide your happiness. Medication maybe can give you numb feeling temporarily, but you can become depend on those medications without learning to cope those issue by yourself, like drugs.

 

The downspirle is the bad report from doctor, right? you let those negative flood come into your mind without checking. and you seemed overwelmed by negative flood.

 

I don't know if you believe in God, a quiet conversation with God can expel those fears and worries. Instead of medication I think meditation will do much good to our inner beings. when we meditate, solutions and words of God which bring peace can enter our mind.

 

A famous woman Joyce Meyer who had been abused in her childhood learned to fight those negativeness with word of God, and have a peaceful joyful life now, she write the book

Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind

Managing Your Emotions: Instead of Your Emotions Managing You

 

How do you win over those negativeness? begin to fill your mind with positiveness, if you let light in, darkness will be expelled, release those worries and fears to God. you don't have to live like most people do who living in fear and worry. do you have those kind of people who are so peaceful and joyful almost all the time? they learn the secret about life, that is trusting in God, embrace words and grace of God, control what things they let them into their mind.

 

By belief they are cured from uncurable cancer, from addictions, from depressions, anything is possible through God

 

just another thought

 

Depression is a chemical imbalance - a medical problem. If medication helps someone get back on their feet, it is a very good thing. Meds don't numb you in the least bit. I have been on AD's for some time now- and it has made a world of difference.

 

Unless you are a Medical Doctor with a full understanding of the human body and how pharmacology works.... You shouldn't make such recommendations.

[Lovelybird]

Depression is a chemical imbalance - a medical problem. If medication helps someone get back on their feet, it is a very good thing. Meds don't numb you in the least bit. I have been on AD's for some time now- and it has made a world of difference.

 

Unless you are a Medical Doctor with a full understanding of the human body and how pharmacology works.... You shouldn't make such recommendations.

when we are happy, our brain produce certain chemical elements; when we are sad, it also produces some other elements. the mood produce the elements. these chemical are rather phenomenon than a root. The root is how we think. our thinking influence our mood, our mood influence the chemical. Chemical imbalance are caused by our imbalance thinking, not vice versa. And medication only cure the surface, it doesn't cure the root.

 

and try to ask those peaceful joyful people, do they rely on medication for their happiness and peaceful mind? I don't think so. Neither they are more lucky than others (well, if they keep right attitude, good things do happen more often to them), just that they master their mind and thought, and keep pure before God

 

And there are many reasons why people rather rely on medication than relying on God, rely on God needs deep soul searching, and braveness to face own weakness and so bring true change about self

Edited January 24, 2008 by Lovelybird

[swansong519]

when we are happy, our brain produce certain chemical elements; when we are sad, it also produces some other elements. the mood produce the elements. these chemical are rather phenomenon than a root. The root is how we think. our thinking influence our mood, our mood influence the chemical. Chemical imbalance are caused by our imbalance thinking, not vice versa. And medication only cure the surface, it doesn't cure the root.

 

and try to ask those peaceful joyful people, do they rely on medication for their happiness and peaceful mind? I don't think so. Neither they are more lucky than others (well, if they keep right attitude, good things do happen more often to them), just that they master their mind and thought, and keep pure before God

 

And there are many reasons why people rather rely on medication than relying on God, rely on God needs deep soul searching, and braveness to face own weakness and so bring true change about self

 

Of course you are correct. The brains hippocampus produces a chemical for literally every emotion we experience...and there is no doubt that what we think determines what we feel.

 

Quantum physics tells us that our entire realities are determined by our thoughts.

 

So strictly speaking...you are right.

 

Unfortunately...when someone is suffering from depression..as D-Lish notes...our brains aren't functioning as they should be. Which makes it exceedingly difficult to think clearly enough to sort out your issues.

 

The premise being...how can your braing solve your problem when it's your brain causing the problem.

 

Sometimes the best course of action is to get on some ADs...get yourself centered...and then start working on your thinking.

 

my 2cents

[Lovelybird]

Of course you are correct. The brains hippocampus produces a chemical for literally every emotion we experience...and there is no doubt that what we think determines what we feel.

 

Quantum physics tells us that our entire realities are determined by our thoughts.

 

So strictly speaking...you are right.

 

Unfortunately...when someone is suffering from depression..as D-Lish notes...our brains aren't functioning as they should be. Which makes it exceedingly difficult to think clearly enough to sort out your issues.

 

The premise being...how can your braing solve your problem when it's your brain causing the problem.

 

Sometimes the best course of action is to get on some ADs...get yourself centered...and then start working on your thinking.

 

my 2cents

I agree with you "how can your braing solve your problem when it's your brain causing the problem", it cannot, so we need feed our mind and brain with positiveness, as a believer ask God for his grace and insight.

I was deeply depressed before, but through meditating about words of God, pray to God and listen to God, in a very short time I got out of depression.

 

Feed our mind with positiveness is a simple act required on our side.

 

yesterday I just heard a testimony, a woman who had serious mental problem and were put into a hospital and her doctor who holds high repute told her that she was uncurable, but she was hunger, and she asked God to help her and she ate words of God, now she is normal and happy, everything is possible through God

[D-Lish]

When the signs and symptoms are there...it's important to seek some help.

 

If you have a deep cut, you get stitches.... antibiodics cure infections.... a cast re-sets and heals a broken limb. Depression is no different.

It's careless to give advice like that without background knowledge of what depression is.

 

If someone is religious- they can find solace in that..... positive thinking IS helpful in the healing process. HOWEVER, Medication really can, and does help people. It can work nicely in conjunction with positive thoughts.

 

Sometimes people get to a point where they need medication to get back on their feet. There is no shame in taking AD's. They really do help people.

 

If someone believes in God- then I am sure they also believe that their god provided the materials necessary to produce medicine to help people.