Flyboy15601 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Hi folks, Most of you know my story, seperated now 6 months, after 22 years of marriage and we have two kids 7 and 9 that live with her. Things were going ok trying to be civil, and we actually had sex this weekend when i went over for a visit. This was the first time since our seperation. Suggested two weeks ago that we try marriage counceling and she agreed. But before we go I thought i should come clean aabout the fact that i have dated during the seperation. Well told her today ( since i lied about it in the past), and told her that i wanted to be honest and open so i just told her. She began to cry and became very upset and acted like i had committed infidelity, which in my eyes its was just dinners and such. Then after much conversation, not pleasant i might add, she asks if I still lover her? I said I will alwasy love u but I am just not in love with you because of all the hurt you have casued me in the past ( puting her family first) Guess what i am asking i how do you search you heart to find out if u still love somone after so much hurt? Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Wow, I feel the same way about my situation. Don't have love for my SO and we've been together 18 years. Do you think marriage counseling will help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Flyboy15601 Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 she says that we won't do counceling until i decide if i still love her, but how can you really search your heart with some direction? Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 When you are separating with the possibility of reconciliation, one of the ground rules should be NO DATING. Dating simply confuses the issues. The idea of separation is for you to have time alone to reflect if your life is better in or out of the marriage, with or without your spouse. Also, I disagree with your W. If you want to figure out the issues and if you want to be in this marriage MC is the ideal place to start. Link to post Share on other sites
bigmanpayne Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 was the only problem her putting her family first? if so, has she agreed to not do that? or at least has she said she will work through it with you in counseling? was the family thing the only problem you had, or is it much deeper? that is what i would ask myself. is so and she will work on it, you guys might just make it, and maybe you can find out that you do still love her. you shouldn't be dating though, but thats just me. to each its own. Link to post Share on other sites
milena35 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Flyboy, Love is a choice, so you can definitely fall ini love with her again if you think she is willing to work with it also, it takes two not one to do the work. Counseling may work, but I found that Christian counseling is the way to go. I am not sure about your religion but if you are not religious you can use regular counseling. Good Luck to you. Keep me updated. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Milena is correct. You can practice what you want to happen. The real question is do you want this woman? I faced the same delimma a couple of years before my eventual divorce. It worked well for me too. Sadly, I didn't know that my ex only want to reconcile to give her LT boyfriend the time he needed to tie up his loose ends. The added benifit to her was financial, she was able to continue her free ride for the whole time. 21 months later she left to be with him, ending our 25 year marriage. Be carefull with your kid's though. They are young, and you need to think long and hard about the effects your decisions and behavior will have on them. Link to post Share on other sites
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