Great guy, so what's wrong with me?

[nickilovespookie]

Back to your subject.

The problem IMO is that you first mentioned material things when decribing your partner. Instead I think it would been better for the relationship if you first had mentioned "We keep staring into each other's eyes with lust. Secondly, he makes me feel valued. I trust his good intentions."

 

I'm not sure here what you are saying. Not to be rude. Also, what does IMO stand for? Sorry.

[ElvenPriestess]

I'm not sure here what you are saying. Not to be rude. Also, what does IMO stand for? Sorry.

 

IMO is in my opinion.

[nickilovespookie]

I hope that Bentspine is able to elaborate a little bit.

 

All in all, everyone says to do whatever makes me happy. I just now have to figure that out. I know that one things for sure, I'm happy when I get a text from George or if I am going to see him over the weekend while visiting my cousins. But I am also happy when my bf makes me laugh. But when that happens I feel distracted because of how I feel for George.

 

Ultimately I feel like I want to be set free. (That sounds so selfish) but I really think I would be happy.

 

Is it possible that my bf is indeed a great guy but we're just not meant for each other?

[unluckyinlove2]

Just explain to your bf that you are having doubts. Its better to be honest. If he loves you he will give you the time and space you need to make the right decision.

[BentSpine]

Thanks ElvenPriestess.

 

Yes, IMO is in my opinion and LOSER is name calling.

 

What I managed to make obscure, was that I think sexual attractiveness in our partner is more important for the relationship than if he's got a good job. There must be desire or the relationship is dead in the water.

 

Financial strains can contribute to break up a relationship, no doubt. But lack of desire for our partner leads to straying eyes and steamy fantasies of other people. And I happen to find a clear break up to be a better scenario than keep thinking of someone else than your partner.

 

I have been in your situation so I don't have the solution. But if we reverse the situation, how would you feel if your partner kept thinking about someone else?

[nickilovespookie]

Who called who a loser? I'm all confused now.

 

Well, just an update. I ended it with my bf yesterday. Told him that I have feelings for someone else, I can't keep feeling like this when he gives me his 100% and me not to him. He was a little pissed, he feels like he's been lied to. He said every relationship will have it's problems so if I'm looking for one without it, it won't happen.

 

I feel good that I was honest and I feel a little bit more free now but it's all weird because we live together so last night I went to a friend's house. I think I might stay with my parents until I get an apt. I feel a little bit lost because we had everything together. It would be so much easier to get ready for work in the morning there and it the groceries from home, etc.

 

It just feels so weird because are we supposed to talk now? I left and he pulled his truck out of the driveway for me to get out and we didn't say goodbye or anything, he just asked me if I have everything.

[Phateless]

Breakups are weird. There is no smooth or unawkward way to go about it. The emotions will come crashing in soon enough, don't worry...

[nickilovespookie]

The emotions have crashed in. Starting this morning when I didn't get ready for work at my own house.

 

I'm staying with my parents and sister for awhile until I'm ready so that's good.

 

I feel confident in my decision I just feel bad for Bruce and that he has to hurt because I'm a whack job. I would never wish this on anyone.

 

It's just going to be hard for awhile.

[asaxena76]

I think you should be commended for your courage. You did the right thing. I wish I had that kind of courage.

Good luck.

[nickilovespookie]

So update. Broke up with bf on Sunday. He is absolutely devastated but is being very mature about the whole thing. I went over there and we had a very long and in depth talk about everything that went wrong. We agreed that if we get back together that we are going to take baby steps. It's a lot easier to get back together than it is to break up again. So the next day he had flowers delivered to my work and on the card it said "baby step #1". He told me he didn't realize what he had and doesn't want to loose me. He said he can't sit back and just wait while some other guy is trying to sweep my off of my feet. He told me though that if "George" and I try whatever that he wouldn't be able to talk to me anymore. I wouldn't only be letting him down but he knows I'm way better than George. He hits on women, he's a bartender, his best friend (my cousin) keeps telling him to stay away from me. My bf says the writings on the wall and he says I deserve to be treated like the woman i am and says he is the only man that can do that.

 

I stopped over there again last night because he told me he had a surprise for me. The night before that during our talk wedding vows came up and we both were sure we could never do anything like read our own vows. So last night he had in an envelope his vows for me for if we work out and get married. The night after our talk, he wrote his vows for marrying me. Wow.

 

I have to figure out if I want my bf (but still go slow) or be single (George).

 

Everyone keeps saying, whatever makes you happy. What makes me happy is my bf being happy.

 

George said he's going to take off next weekend during the day so we could spend some time together and I said that's fine but what about this weekend? Why should we wait until next weekend. Not that he should take off this weekend but he's done with work at 6 all weekend.

 

Another thing, george's best friend (my cousin) keeps telling him to stay away blah blah so now George doesn't really want him (or anyone else for that matter) knowing that we talk. I've told him that I don't want it to be like that forever and he doesn't really say much back. We did go out for breakfast together last weekend but it wasn't a place where his friends would most likely be. He asked me last weekend though if I would go with him this weekend to the superbowl party. Well, that's down the drain because me other cousin was like "no, you're not using me for my bed, if George wants you to go he can find a place for you to stay." Well, I'm not going to go because no one approves of it and Matt says that's hard because these are his friends (and my cousins!) and he has to live with them. (1 1/2) hrs from me.

 

We ended up sleeping together too. I couldn't help myself but I didn't cheat on my bf, we were done. And even after that, Matt does still talk to me like normal, still texting me and calling me, and says he wants to take things slow. Are we doomed?

 

I really like him.

 

Do I want to be with him or my bf? That's the question.

[twice_shy]

I’ve been with my bf for 3 happy years. Everything has really been great. We give each other space; do our own thing, sometimes things together. Blah blah. He’s the kinda guy your Mom would like you to date because he’s got a good job, owns a house, is nice, and trustworthy, etc.

 

 

Him and I get along great together, sometimes I feel like more than friends though because I am able to be myself 100% around him. We joke a lot and whatever.

 

As for our sexual relationship – I’m not as attracted to him as I used to be but we’ve been living together for 2 years so who would?

 

 

Then there’s this other guy I know. He’s a friend of my two cousins. He lives about an hour and a half away so I see him a couple times a month when I go stay up there with my cousin. Usually we just see each other out at the bar but I’ve seen him a couple times at other places too like my Aunt’s house.

 

He isn’t prince charming at first. My cousins both say don’t think about him, he’s a womanizer blah blah.

 

Well there you have it. Your bf is a great guy, but you've been with him for a while and the newness has worn off.

 

Then along comes this womanizer, the bad boy if you will. And you want him.

 

So break up with your boyfriend and date the womanizer. But when the womanizer treats you like crud and steps out on you, don't try to drag your ex-bf back in. Let him be to live his life.

Ya I know, the womanizer won't treat you like crap because he is very nice right now. Of course he is. He wants in your pants.

 

So break up with your boyfriend and date the bad boy. and once you have taken your lumps, move on and chalk it up to a learning experience. Cuz some people have to learn the hard way.

[twice_shy]

So we have two guys here, George and the b/f. George stimulates your hormones, meaning the attraction. You are sexually attracted to him, interested in seeing where things could go, he's sparked you. Fun, exciting, all that.

 

Then the b/f, you have security, a home, financial stability, a foundation. And those are your two choices. Stay with the security and have feelings for some one else in secrecy, or leave security, be independent once again for, what, the pursuance of this new flame right?

 

Exactly. And since the bf is seen as stability, it isn't fair to the bf at all.

She is using him.

 

The very fact that she likes another guy indicates she should break it off.

The bf deserves someone who will be true to him.

[twice_shy]

well thanks for that. That made me feel a ton better. Wow.

 

 

For the record, I am not immature. I am just a person with feelings. This can happen to anyone.

 

 

No, you are immature. If you are selfishly staying with your bf because he represents stability, then you are not only being selfish, but very immature.

 

You already said you aren't that attracted to him anymore. So the only reason you stay is because he's a great guy. I don't think he'd appreciate knowing that you stay with him because of that and that you aren't attracted to him.

[twice_shy]

That last post was sarcasm. The last thing I need is to be told I'm a bad person and immature.

 

Granted I'm only 23, maybe younger than you but I still have feelings.

 

Well what do you think is worse, being told you are immature, or the emotional betrayal of your boyfriend?

[nickilovespookie]

Ya I know, the womanizer won't treat you like crap because he is very nice right now. Of course he is. He wants in your pants.

 

Well, "George" already got in my pants, we slept together already. Didn't mean to, but I did and it was the best. But anyway, everything is still normal, we napped together and he still texts me good morning and we talk all day and he calls me, blah blah so I'm wondering if it's beyond him wanting to get in my pants (again). Maybe he really likes me, how can I tell? He tells me he wants to settle down with someone special and says I'm his vision of the perfect woman and wants to take things slow (even after sleeping together).

[twice_shy]

Well, "George" already got in my pants, we slept together already. Didn't mean to, but I did and it was the best.

 

So you cheated on your boyfriend? Ok, its real simple. Break up with him.

You have already done him wrong and you don't deserve a great guy like that. He deserves to find someone that won't betray him like you have done.

 

And of course it was the "best". Its the first new guy you have slept with in years. Its new, exciting. But I guarantee you, he will be someone elses best and probably will be someone elses best while you two are dating if you do end up dating him. Looks like the womanizer got exactly what he wanted.

 

But anyway, everything is still normal, we napped together and he still texts me good morning and we talk all day and he calls me, blah blah so I'm wondering if it's beyond him wanting to get in my pants (again). Maybe he really likes me, how can I tell?

 

Don't know, don't care. What I care about right now is your bf. Are you going to break up with him? You should. You just f###d him over in the worst way. He doesn't deserve what you did to him and you don't deserve a great guy like him.

 

I guess the saying is true, great guys finish last.

[nickilovespookie]

And for the record, my bf knows I'm not attracted to him like I am "George". My bf just doesn't want to loose me, he says there is only one of me and wants to fight for me.

 

We connect emotionally but not physically for me anymore. He said we can get that back.

 

I'm not using my bf, I told him all these things already (afraid to stay for the wrong reasons - using him for stability, etc.) he just says this isn't me, he wants the old me back, the one he fell in love with. Ever since George, I haven't been myself.

[nickilovespookie]

I Don't Think You're Listening. I Did Not Cheat On My Bf. We Were Broken Up.

[twice_shy]

So update. Broke up with bf on Sunday. He is absolutely devastated but is being very mature about the whole thing.

 

Ah I missed this update. So you didn't cheat, you did the right thing and broke it off with him. Good. He deserved that. And it doesn't surprise me he was very mature about it. Maybe its because he realized that you aren't the one for him and there is someone out there that will be true to him. Either way, it does sound like he is a great guy and I'm glad you at least did the right thing and let him go.

 

 

I went over there and we had a very long and in depth talk about everything that went wrong. We agreed that if we get back together that we are going to take baby steps.

 

I don't think you two should get back together. He'd really be a fool if he took you back.

 

And really, why would you want him back? You already said you aren't really attracted to him. and if sex with your womanizer is "the best", then all you'd be doing is settling for a guy that provides you stability.

 

 

It's a lot easier to get back together than it is to break up again. So the next day he had flowers delivered to my work and on the card it said "baby step #1".

 

Ok, well now I don't feel so sorry for him any longer. First off sending you flowers after you broke up with him so you could sleep with another guy is not a baby step by any means.

 

If only he truly knew how you felt about not being attracted to him, maybe he would act like such a whipped pup.

 

 

He told me he didn't realize what he had and doesn't want to loose me. He said he can't sit back and just wait while some other guy is trying to sweep my off of my feet. He told me though that if "George" and I try whatever that he wouldn't be able to talk to me anymore. I wouldn't only be letting him down but he knows I'm way better than George. He hits on women, he's a bartender, his best friend (my cousin) keeps telling him to stay away from me. My bf says the writings on the wall and he says I deserve to be treated like the woman i am and says he is the only man that can do that.

 

:sick::sick: Ok. Now I have to retract what I said about him deserving better. It doesn't look like he wants to be with someone that will treat him right and be true to him. Thats his choice I suppose.

 

 

I couldn't help myself but I didn't cheat on my bf, we were done. And even after that, Matt does still talk to me like normal, still texting me and calling me, and says he wants to take things slow. Are we doomed?

 

yes you would be doomed if you got back with your x-bf, because your heart will never completely belong to him. there is always gonna be a part of you that wonders just how good the sex is with some other guy that shows you a little attention.

[twice_shy]

I Don't Think You're Listening. I Did Not Cheat On My Bf. We Were Broken Up.

 

no, i just didn't see the update at the end.

[nickilovespookie]

The other thing that naively leads me to believe that George does like me is his best friend is my huge cousin that could kill him if he wanted. He knows that if I get hurt so does he. They're best friends. I think he wants to take us slow for the sake of my cousin/his best friend, kinda ease him into the idea that George isn't such a bad guy and really does like me.

 

Am I an idiot?

[twice_shy]

The other thing that naively leads me to believe that George does like me is his best friend is my huge cousin that could kill him if he wanted. He knows that if I get hurt so does he. They're best friends. I think he wants to take us slow for the sake of my cousin/his best friend, kinda ease him into the idea that George isn't such a bad guy and really does like me.

 

Am I an idiot?

 

I'm not going to be calling you a name, but you dumped a great guy for a womanizer. The fact that your cousin is "huge" doesn't deter a man from getting what he wants.

 

You really want to believe George is a good guy because the sex is good and you are attracted to him. You want to completely poo poo the advice of your cousins who are looking out for your best interests.

 

But really, what is the problem here? you are not attracted to your ex-bf, you are attracted to George and you like the sex. You want to really believe that George isn't a womanizer. Look at the facts. He knew you had a long term boyfriend, but that didn't stop him from pursuing you.

 

And if George can lure you away from a guy you say is great, then any man will lure you away from a significant other you may find yourself with down the road.

 

So what is done is done. You broke up with your bf to sleep with George. Enjoy the sex until George decides he wants to share that good sex with someone else.

[vivrantflo]

The other thing that naively leads me to believe that George does like me is his best friend is my huge cousin that could kill him if he wanted. He knows that if I get hurt so does he.

 

 

I posted on this thread when it got started, and I just read the updates.. wow, I can't believe you actually got rid of your boyfriend..

 

And what's with that comment?? Your "huge" cousin could kill him if he hurts you?? How old are you??

 

The sad thing about this is.. once George has his fill of you, you're going to want your ex back soooooo bad.. and if he's smart, he wouldnt take you back.

 

What is the point of being in a relationship, if it's going well, and then you end it anyway??

 

Once again.. this story CLEARLY shows how monogamous men become players and dogs, cause it seems women are attracted to that type of guy. Sorry, immature women are attracted to these guys.

 

You're not the worst person in the world... but you'll live and learn

[Spectre]

Wow, you posted on the january 28th saying you had broken up with your boyfriend the day before. Then by January 31st you had already slept with this george fellow.

 

 

Can I just ask, what happened to people having morals or class? You were with a man for 3 years, and in less than a week of ending it, you have boned some other guy?

 

Your bf is lucky you dumped him, he doesn't need trash like that in his life.

[twice_shy]

Wow, you posted on the january 28th saying you had broken up with your boyfriend the day before. Then by January 31st you had already slept with this george fellow.

 

 

Can I just ask, what happened to people having morals or class? You were with a man for 3 years, and in less than a week of ending it, you have boned some other guy?

 

Your bf is lucky you dumped him, he doesn't need trash like that in his life.

 

careful there spectre. No matter how much truth there is to something, you have to watch what you say. the censorship police are gonna throw ya in jail.