Phateless Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 The girl that you realized wasn't right for you - do you mean your gf or the other girl you liked? I've always been afraid to be alone. But lately, ever since George came along, I really just want to get to know myself more and be alone. Even though I know my bf really knows me. How can I need to get to know myself when he knows everything about me? I don't really want to pursue anything with George, just get to know him, spend time with him. I was talking mainly about my gf, but it applies to all of them. There is one girl I almost left her for that I can't believe I was even considering dating now. Time brings a lot of perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 I definitely love him. Am I IN LOVE? I can't tell anymore. We've been together for 3 years I think it gets to a certain point. How can I tell? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I definitely love him. Am I IN LOVE? I can't tell anymore. We've been together for 3 years I think it gets to a certain point. How can I tell? The mere fact that you're asking this says a lot... Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I love many people. I trust them, I care about them, I would do anything to help them. They are important to me. In love: To me being in love is love with passion, with desire, with wanting, with yearning, longing, and of course with the caring, trusting, etc. Do you desire, want, long, yearn, after your b/f? Do you feel passion when you look in his eyes? Is he the only one you can imagine sleeping next to at night? Is he the only one you can picture having hold you in his arms? Does your heart beat only for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 I would love to say yes. I just don't know anymore. I honestly used to think so. ....... Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 If you can't say yes I'd say you're not in love with him. If you were, you'd be able to say yes. I mean, you'd just know. You see what I'm saying? I don't think it's really fair to either of you to stay around if you're not in love with him. I think you need some you time, figure out what's going on for you, and to discover yourself more. Sometimes we don't understand what's going on inside ourselves, and need time alone to understand it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 I feel like if I really loved him I would say enough George, wouldn't text him or anything. That's what I've done in the past. Maybe I just fell out of love with him. I've never had any of this confusion or feelings before. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Which is why I say you need to take space for yourself. Clear the confusion inside of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 I wish this "George" never would have come along. I was fine before him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 Btw, thank you very much. I really appreciate your time. Sometimes its better to talk to someone that's neutral. Everyone I've talked to about this (friends, family) say do what makes you happy. I think breaking up and being on my own for a while really would make me happy but I'm scared and I don't want to hurt him. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 i know you're scared, and it's hard of course. But you gotta realize that you being happy makes the other person happy. You unhappy will be him unhappy too. And it will again hurt him more if you stay with him unhappy and not in love. Honesty is always the best policy, and must be excersized in this. Sit down and talk with him, tell him all that you're feeling. All that your tormented by, that you're confused as to what's going on in your heart. Explain many things you've shared here. You don't even have to mention George. Just explain what's happening within yourself to him, so he knows what you're dealing with. Then whatever you decide he won't be completely lost in the dark. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Break up with your bf before you end up cheating on him. Like I stated before you are obviously not mature enough for this kind of relationship. Go figure yourself out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 Quit insulting me. And if you're not trying to insult me, try harder to make it seem that way. Thanks anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I am not insulting you at all. This is much more cut and dry then you seem to think. You still have a lot to figure out and you should do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 Yeah, you're probably right. I think this is a big thing but really it's not. I just don't want to hurt Bruce and I don't want to look back and say, I shouldn't have done that (left him). Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 That is just it, you can't have everything, that is what being a cake eater is about. 23 is still very young for the type of commitment you are considering with your current bf and if you are feeling like this now it will just get worse. It is ok if you are not ready for it yet but don't lead on your bf and is not being fair to him. And honestly, this goerge guy is just chasing you and will end up being a big disappointment. This is the typical "the grass is greener" or "I think I missed something" syndrome that women have. Get burned a few times and learn how to appreciate a real man who is able to care for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Valerie Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 nlp, I'm in the same position as you are right now and I truly understand how u feel right now. I know its REALLY hard to make any decisions right now as I, myself am confused at the moment because I don't know what to do and I don't know what I want. Like what you have said, my brain tells me to stay with bf but my other body tells me to be left alone, be single and get to know the other guy, Mr. X (a good friend of mine). However, my relationship with my bf is not going really good as we're in a long distance relationship and he has not showed any affection towards me anymore. He still loves me and all but I don't get enough attention from him anymore as he is busy with work and other things. I think that is why I like being with Mr. X right now because he's very caring, fun, and when I'm with him, everything seems very nice and there's nothing to worry about. Now I have a confession. And please do not judge me. I feel worthless, and I hate myself right now. I slept with Mr X I know I shouldn't and I have never been unfaithful to my bf especially now (with all the problems and being in a long distance relationship) Now I strongly feel I should end our relationship because I do not want to keep on doing like this behind his back This is the worst feeling ever. I do not want to break up with him because I lied to him. I want to break up with him because all the reasons I said above and not because I cheated on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) You seem to be over sensitive to people giving their honest opinion. Sometimes the truth hurts. If you don't want honest advice perhaps you shouldn't ask for it. hmmm. So if I wanted to see George, it should be a break up not just a break. It has to be a break up. If you take a break to see George you're being selfish. That's the classic cake eater mentality.... I'll go on a break from my boyfriend so he doesn't move on so I can see what it's like to be with this other guy. Then if it doesn't work out I'll still have the boyfriend. Users behave like that. And even if you go back to your boyfriend under that scenario you're making him your second choice. Would you want to be someone second choice? Would you want to be someone's boyfriend because they were too scared to break up and they settled for ya? This is why you need to tell your boyfriend about this other guy and break up with him. The longer this drags out the more you will hurt him. He deserves someone who will appreciate him and love him in the way that he loves them. You're not that person so do the right thing and tell him. Don't stick around because you're too scared to be alone. If you do not that you will grow to resent him and there is a good chance you will end up cheating on him physically. You're already emotionally cheating (which is just as bad if not worse). You knew this guy was interested yet you continued a relationship with him, essentially shopping for a replacement boyfriend. Reverse the roles and ask yourself how you would feel. Would you want to be with your boyfriend if he was basically trying out this other chick to see if they click in order to leave you for her? That's what you're doing. Your only choice is to tell your boyfriend. If you don't you're a lying coward. I don't say this to be harsh. I say this because it's the truth and you need to face reality for what it is. Edited January 24, 2008 by Sal Paradise Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Now I have a confession. And please do not judge me. I feel worthless, and I hate myself right now. I slept with Mr X I know I shouldn't and I have never been unfaithful to my bf especially now (with all the problems and being in a long distance relationship) Now I strongly feel I should end our relationship because I do not want to keep on doing like this behind his back These stories are a dime a dozen. Selfish people acting selfish. End one relationship before you jump into bed with the next one. Cheating on someone is emotional murder and is the most painful thing you can do to a person. Try to at least retain a few ounces of empathy and dignity for a person you at least at some-point might have loved. Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I've always wanted to know how women can break up with a guy, and within weeks find themselves with another man. And this story just showed me how.. and its sad.. You totally want this new guy, which baffles me.. so you should break up with your boyfriend. You already emotionally cheated on him. If you're trying to rationalize why you should stay with your current man.. that means you really don't want to be with him. It looks like you need to have that regret of losing someone good for you, in order to really appreciate a good guy. These are the kind of stories that show how.. 1. Nice guys always come last 2. How and why monogamous men become dogs and players Lovelorcet hit it right on the head.. you're not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Valerie Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I agree with you lovelorcet. I truly honestly regret it. I've never done anything like this and I don't want to repeat the same mistake again. I'm not that kind of girl who sleeps around.I made a mistake and everyone does. I regret being so damn selfish. I am a true believer in the fact that things happen for a reason. Life often offers us choices and though at times we may not always choose the right path, but its those choices that make us who we are. nlp, good luck in making decision and I wish you the best in everything. x Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I am a true believer in the fact that things happen for a reason. Life often offers us choices and though at times we may not always choose the right path, but its those choices that make us who we are. I know I will get flamed on this but there is no such thing as destiny and no, things do not happen for a "reason." We are the summation of our experiences and most importantly our CHOICES. You made the choice to cheat, that is part of who you are now you are by definition a cheater. You could have made the decision not to. This is like telling a child "don't touch! it is hot" some will accept this and not touch. Some will put there hand close and feel the heat and decide to let it be but then again others will just reach out and grab. Some people will burn themselves and realize how much it hurt and never touch it again. Still others realize that it didn't hurt too bad and are more or less immune to the pain. What kind of person are you then? Well I guess it just comes down to what you choose to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nickilovespookie Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 Valarie, I don't blame or judge you. No one here should because isn't that what this whole thing is about? Getting advice without getting judged? My problem is that I think everyone's right, I have a great guy and I'm an idiot to think about throwing him away and for what? Some other guy that doesn't even size up to my bf. Just last night he filled up my gas tank because he used my car. I have a friend who's husband is a loser and would let the car run out before he would put gas in it. So whoever said women like me are the reason that good men become dogs and players, they're right. I don't really know what it is about George that I like or if I really even like him because it could just be a phase, I don't know. But I've felt like this for 3 weeks now. My personal advice to you Valarie is, you cheating happened for a reason - you didn't really want to do it but years from now, you're going to know why it happened. Maybe it's what needed to happen in order for you to break up with your bf. Obviously you should tell him. I would definitely break up with him sooner than later because you will feel weight lifted and then you won't feel so smothered. Not that cheating on him was right, we all know that but things happen. Is your bf really nice? (just curious). George and I aren't talking anymore. We will see eachother at mutual places from now on but he said we shouldn't talk anymore which is true. It's wrong. I don't know if breaking up with my bf is right though because we never fight, he makes me laugh all the time. He really is funny. That was always important to me but lately it seems like something is missing. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 What's missing is what we talked about before. The in love, the passion, the desire. Don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I agree with you lovelorcet. I truly honestly regret it. I've never done anything like this and I don't want to repeat the same mistake again. I'm not that kind of girl who sleeps around.I made a mistake and everyone does. I regret being so damn selfish. I am a true believer in the fact that things happen for a reason. Life often offers us choices and though at times we may not always choose the right path, but its those choices that make us who we are. nlp, good luck in making decision and I wish you the best in everything. x Things do happen for a reason... but that reason is not always good. You have already chosen your path. It may be best to inform your BF that he is now single. That is probably the right choice don't you think? You know from time to time we do make bad choices. It's how we handle that which shows who we are inside. My problem is that I think everyone's right, I have a great guy and I'm an idiot to think about throwing him away and for what? Some other guy that doesn't even size up to my bf. Just last night he filled up my gas tank because he used my car. I have a friend who's husband is a loser and would let the car run out before he would put gas in it. So whoever said women like me are the reason that good men become dogs and players, they're right. NLP, There will always be another George right around the corner. There are lots of women out there who are always looking for the bigger better deal. At some point you need to stop shopping. Those women rarely wind up happy. My suggestion is to find what your missing. Perhaps you and your BF should spend more time together? Oh, and Vivrant was correct. This kind of thing is something that tends to create emotionally unavailable men! Link to post Share on other sites
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