Author angie2443 Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 Respect is the word that keeps sticking in my head when I think about the friendship. My husband and I have been to mc and it was actually the issue of respect, not my husband's friend that bought us there. There were other things going on, like name calling, that I felt were abusive. My husband has actually worked hard to change these things. Yes, I would like him to understand why his friendship hurt me so much, but he sais he never will. I know in my heart that if the tables were reversed, he'd have been furious. I don't understand how he could not know that these things hurt. Like I said, my husband has changed much of his behavour that was hurting me. He still maintains that he did nothing wrong and he never disrespected me. He seems honest when he tells me this, but I'm just having such a hard time understanding how you can respect someone and at the same time disrespect their privacy and verbally abuse them (I see it as verbal abuse anyways). I am afraid, because he doesn't understand how he hurt me, he can do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I am afraid, because he doesn't understand how he hurt me, he can do it again. Then tell him this. Tell him you're terrified of trusting and opening up fully to him because he hasn't earned your trust yet. I wish he would understand.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Like I said, my husband has changed much of his behavour that was hurting me. He still maintains that he did nothing wrong and he never disrespected me. He seems honest when he tells me this, but I'm just having such a hard time understanding how you can respect someone and at the same time disrespect their privacy and verbally abuse them (I see it as verbal abuse anyways). I am afraid, because he doesn't understand how he hurt me, he can do it again. Sounds like your husband made some mistakes, big and little, and has sincerely tried to make things better. We all screw up, but not everyone is willing to put in the work needed to overcome those mistakes. Since your guy is trying, I don't see how revisiting those past mistakes are going to help him - or help you get what you want. He was wrong and he's tried to change - which part of that do you want to encourage, the blame or the effort ? As for your fears, there's no guarantees in life - or marriage. There's just trying to do the best you can. I hope your relationship continues to improve... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
elizabethjune Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I ran a query on yahoo about "Can't get over husbands past infidelities" your post came up. This is almost exactly like a situation I was in 4 or 5 years ago. My husband met this married home-wrecker at work and they became "best friends". They both swore it was nothing more than that. She called him at all hours of the night. He was so adamant about it being nothing more that I actually believed him. I would get into arguments with her and him, separately or together, all the time. He always took her side. Finally, the break came when we moved and she could no longer "drop by". He had said he was trying to slowly move away from the "friendship" and then we moved and he didn't tell her where we lived. This drove her insane. She started calling my work and threatening me. When she couldn't get to me, she would say crude things to whoever answered the phone. The police were involved and she finally left me alone because of that. The company closed down so they no longer worked together. He finally admitted to me that they had been more than friends all along. We are still together and she is no longer a part of his life. We live in a small town so we run into her every now and then. No words are ever spoken, but the tension is in the air. I hope you get this message since your original posting was from October. Deep down in my heart, I should've known there was more to it than that. Everything in your post sounded just like us. Link to post Share on other sites
JustBreathe Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 My H's close "friend" came to my house, hugged my kids, gave them birthday presents, ate my barbecue, drank my lemonade and screwed my husband for months, maybe years. They worked together for 6 yrs. Get on with your marriage counseling. But draw that line in the sand. He's not to go there again because you aren't comfortable with it. He should respect that. Like you said, it's all about respect for your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author angie2443 Posted February 15, 2008 Author Share Posted February 15, 2008 My H's close "friend" came to my house, hugged my kids, gave them birthday presents, ate my barbecue, drank my lemonade and screwed my husband for months, maybe years. They worked together for 6 yrs. Get on with your marriage counseling. But draw that line in the sand. He's not to go there again because you aren't comfortable with it. He should respect that. Like you said, it's all about respect for your feelings. This last post struck a chord with me. This friend of my husband's also came to our kids' birthday parties, had dinners with us on occasion, and also went out with my husband and kids a few times. I was, at times, included in their relationship, but when we hung out together, I was always the third wheel. Actually, if her husband was along with us, then we were the third and fourth wheel, but that is another story. If we three went to a restruarant, they sat together, and I sat opposite. If she came over to our house, they would take a walk together, without me, so they could talk privately. I feel like an idiot for not catching on sooner, but hindsight is 20/20. Anyways, I don't think it ever became physical, but maybe it would have been easiar if it did? At least then, I could have told my husband "you broke my heart", and he couldn't have denied it. Link to post Share on other sites
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