lexi29 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Are there any stories of 2nd chances actually working out? In Oct my bf of 3 yrs left me for his (long ago) ex. It was sudden breakup that seemed to come out of no where. I knew he was friends with this ex (just saw her again after 12 years) and I even talked/befriended her too. Big mistake! Long story short he started dating her and broke up with her after only 3 weeks. Then he came back to me. I made him wait awhile but eventually we got back together. We've had some ups and downs (some insecurity caused by what he did) but lately everything has been wonderful. He has an 8 yr old son and his son keeps telling me he wants his dad and I to get married. Things are so much better with my bf since we got back together. We spend a lot of time together and he is very sweet and loving with me. Its like he had a wake up call when he left me and realized what he was missing. I feel the same way too. The breakup was hell for me. I was so depressed, so lonely it was just horrible. I'm very happy now, cautious but happy. We hardly ever argue (we fought ALOT before the break up but most of it was about his ex (I didnt' like him talking to her much) and now we don't fight at all. He is constantly telling me he loved me (and before the break up we hadnt said I love you in months) and we are always cuddling and having a good time. I feel like we are in a new relationship and it feels so good. I'm just wondering if this feeling is going to last or if I am going to go through a big let down. If we really can make it this time (we are closer than ever) or if I am so "Happy" just because being with him took away all the feelings of depression and uncertainty I had when we broke up. I mean he's done sweet things (buys me flowers, makes me dinner, tells me I'm beautiful etc) since we got back together and we spend almost every day together now and he says he never gets tired of seeing me. Our sex life is great- he'll try anything and he's even more of a "ladies first" guy than he used to be. It feels like he appreciates me more than he ever did before. We've had a few problems or things that bugged me (he lied to me about talking to his neighbor, he got me a weird card for christmas- had a picture of a half naked guy on it) We've talked about why he left me for his ex- we didn't have a very strong emotional connection then and we were fighting (about his ex) and he remembered his ex from how she was 12 years ago (carefree, fun to be with ect) and the grass was greener and he felt he would be happier with her and left me. He's not proud of it, very appologetic, and thinks its the biggest mistake he ever made. but its something I doubt would ever happen again. I'm just concerned that maybe I'm in a fog and just enjoying being with him so much because it feels like a brand new relationship- you know the honeymoon period where everything is perfect (except we can't hide our flaws because we've dated for 3 yrs and known eachother for six so we already know everything about each other) Does anyone have an experience to share where a 2nd chance at the relationship ever worked out? Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Sorry I don't have any good stories but I would love to hear some also. Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Well unfortunately no matter what stories people may have about their 2nd chances, you need to realize that yes it may end OR it could be the best relationship and be THE ONE. But if you can't get that little voice out of the back of your head, you won't be able to ENJOY this relationship like you should. I mean how did you feel 3+ years ago when you 2 first started dating? Were you thinking, oh he's going to dump or leave me? I doubt it. But now, now you have that mistrust and it will either come back in time or it will never come back. If that trust never comes back, you need to walk away, because you will be cheating both you and him from enjoy what could be (and it seems like it is) an amazing relationship! I'm going through something very similar, although we got back together much to quickly. But if there is anything a relationship needs to be built on, it's trust. And right now it really seems like you are missing some of that foundation. It really seems like you can sit him down and talk to him about it, and that's probably a good idea. But at the same time, you need to be comfortable with yourself and the fact that yeah, this relationship might end...and that could suck, but it's not the end of the world. (It's taken me a long time to see that, and I'm still not there). Link to post Share on other sites
Author lexi29 Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 I'm not terrified that the relationship is going to end- nothing lasts forever and if we break up again, yeah it will hurt but I've already been there and I know its horribly painful but I"d get through it. I"m nore worried that maybe I"m wasting my time. That it will never work out and I"m just in this haze right now thinking everything is wonderful and falsely feeling so happy with the relationship just because its feels so good NOT to be depressed, crying, lonely etc. Sort of how some people feel when having an affair (that the affair partner is so WONDERFUL just because they are an escape from reality etc even when they arent' that great if that makes any sense). I mean I enjoy spending time with him and his son but its not as though my bf has done anything amazing or has changed greatly since we got back together. He is sweeter and more attentive than he used to be and seems to appreciate me more but its not like he got down on his knees and cried and begged me to forgive him or anything. And yes, when we first started dating I felt similar to how I feel now- happy, want to see him ALL the time etc. and back then I wasn't worried about us breaking up. I'm not so afraid that it will end I'm just concerned I"m with him for the wrong reasons- that I'm with him because it feels so good right now and this euphoria will end and we'll be back where we used to be. I just wondered if anyone had any success stories about getting back together. Link to post Share on other sites
asilisa Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 My sister and her husband broke up for six months a few years ago. She broke up with him because she didn't think that you should marry the first person you fell in love with. (IDK don't ask me.) Anyway my brother in law was devestated but they went there seperate ways and talked here and there. Well, after six months he came back and asked her if she was ready to be together again and they got back together. They have now been married for almost 4 years and have a daughter and another baby on the way. Sure they have there ups and downs but who doesnt? Like you said nothing is ever promised you have to take chances. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I think if people gave each other a bit more space, showed a bit more trust and confidence, and in general took responsibility for their own happiness then many of these "temporary" break ups wouldn't happen. In the event that there's not a 3rd party involved (and, sometimes, even when there is) - a little down time - "me" time - lends clarity. Also, isn't it ironic that right after you call something off, your former partner looks fantastic?! They loose 5 lbs, get a new hairdo, change their style - it ALWAYS seems to happen that way! LOL! SF Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Also, isn't it ironic that right after you call something off, your former partner looks fantastic?! They loose 5 lbs, get a new hairdo, change their style - it ALWAYS seems to happen that way! SF Yes, isn't it? Why couldn't the person do it during the relationship? Shows there true colors, which is sad. Link to post Share on other sites
sandflea Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Yes, isn't it? Why couldn't the person do it during the relationship? Shows there true colors, which is sad. Heavy sigh... I know. This has always been an issue, and frankly it was one of the last straws in my decision. I always felt a bit taken advantage of. My ex is a professional engineer - she just earned her certificate - but for the last 2 years she's taken the exam 4 times, and the amount of studying, etc, that she's had to pursue has left me doing most of the chores, paying most of the bills, and in general "supporting" the relationship. I'm freakin Exhausted!!! So, when I was getting off the fence last November and doing the old "I'll just make it through the holidays" routine - I'd had plenty of time to think this through. Honestly, I think one of the reasons that she's taking this so well is that she DID just pass. If she hadn't, I'm sure things would be much more dramatic. Fact is - In life YOU are responsible for keeping it real. You do this as a part of your identity, to enhance your self-esteem, and so you like the person you look at in the mirror. To do it as a last ditch effort to make your partner (or ex parther) jealous is desperation. 5lbs or not - I don't regret my decision. SF Link to post Share on other sites
Whey2Big4u Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 it doesnt always happen that way.......My ex broke up with me, i started working out again heavily, got into fantastic shape and look amazing, which i did in the realtionship and for myself, but when things got bad i put on weight. She now lloks like ****. she may have lost wieght but she statred smoking heavily and now wears enough makeup to make a Gaesha look like she just put on eyeliner. I always told her she looked more beutiful wihtout it. Link to post Share on other sites
pigeonsid Posted February 20, 2008 Share Posted February 20, 2008 Hey, there's J-Lo and Marc Anthony! But they had about 5 years break, I think, and also both married other people in between... but they seem to be really happy now and that gives me hope - that if your ex really is the right person for you, then you'll find each other eventually. Although, maybe famous people live different lives, and my hoping that my love story will turn out like J-Lo's is as silly as my hoping that my booty would be insured for as much as hers... Link to post Share on other sites
cant let go Posted February 22, 2008 Share Posted February 22, 2008 Yes, isn't it? Why couldn't the person do it during the relationship? Shows there true colors, which is sad. i've lost 25 pounds and bought new clothes and started trying different ways to style my hair. why didn't i do this in the relationship? i was depressed and didn't know what to do about it. i didn't realize until after my ex left that i needed to take better care of myself... although a lot of the weight came off simply because i was too nauseous from the break up to eat. Link to post Share on other sites
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