Shadee Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 [font=courier new][/font][color=blue][/color] Well, it's wierd how I came across this site, just trying to find a little info on trusting, and all of a sudden, this site popped up, so I thought I would give it a shot. I'm sure it's an issue that comes up time and time again. I'm in a new relationship, 6 months new, with the most wonderful man. But, this doesn't stop me from dragging trust issues from the last relationship, where I spent 6 years living with a mentally and emotionally abusive cheater. And it doesn't help that my dad had an affair on my mom, and he was the man I trusted more than anyone on earth. I rarely show it to the new b/f, but, I sure feel it. I've discussed with him a couple of times these issues, but I'm scared to let him know how serious they are, because I don't want to chase him away. He is always so reassuring to me, and has never done anything to hurt me, or even give me any right to doubt him. I guess my question is, do these feelings go away, or, should I be going to a counsellor? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 The feelings usually go away as time passes. However, as we get older and become a bit more cynical, we realize that even the greatest people can disappoint us. Presidents of the United States can disappoint us (Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton). The doctor we entrusted to operate on us can disappoint us. The psychologist we hired to help us with our issues can end up trying to seduce us. It's all happened. Life is a set of risks, a set of challenges. We trust until we have reason to trust no more. But if we go into everything expecting the worst, we get the worst before it comes. We destroy our lives needlessly. Be strong and live each moment with passion. Deal with problems when and if they come. Don't destroy the moment by your negative thoughts. Where trust is concerned, the past is irrelevant. Each individual is capable of different sets of behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shadee Posted June 21, 2003 Author Share Posted June 21, 2003 Thanks Tony Link to post Share on other sites
turtle Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 You kinda have to have the live and let die attitude sometimes. Our parents are not always perfect. The whole cheating thing with your dad, I know it hurts, but learn to accept it and remember that he is still your father. It's not like he did anything terribly harmful to you personally. It should be your mother who needs the counceling, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 Look at this guys last relationship... That's how it usually works. If he was faithful in that one, chances are... history repeats itself. Then if his history is pretty good, don't dwell on it. Sometimes going over the same thing over and over brings about a self-fufilling prophecy. And trust is a 2-way street. He has to trust you also. Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted June 24, 2003 Share Posted June 24, 2003 Originally posted by Tony Where trust is concerned, the past is irrelevant. Each individual is capable of different sets of behavior. Originally posted by NEONINK Look at this guys last relationship... That's how it usually works. If he was faithful in that one, chances are... history repeats itself. Hmmmmm....so many choices, so many choices. I'll choose free will I guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
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