25 yrs of lies and flirting,that won't stop.

[tamtam]

I have found myself going back to when we meet, my husband needs to have attention from women and he gives his attentions to them, I don't think that he as crossed over but I feel its close at times. He loves topless bars, which I tell him, Its not for married men, so he lies about it

He goes at lunch with men at work, I have found out by mistake.

he goes to lunch alone with girls at work, which I,ve have told him to tell me incase I see them or anyone else. He lies about that too. The girl he works close with has invited him to the lake on the weekend and the only way I found out about that is, I made him use his 2-way out loud and I told him not to tell her I was hearing what she said, and when he told her that he had to see what I was doing, she said I could come too. I said to him, lets go and he said to me if I see her I'll just get pissed. We didn't go

I have found pictures on his laptop from work with her picture in to and he told me his co-worker put it in there as a joke. I did'nt think it was funny.

my husband has done alot in our marriage that has made me rethink things and maybe I have not left him yet is because I have not found out he is sleeping around. The only thing keeping my from leaving is that I love him. We have talked about his actions with women and he blames me for being jealous, get off my back, tells me that I have a problem, not him. after awhile I felt I was the problem.

He watches porn behind my back, friends have told me he makes cat calls to women when they walk by, but,he says thats not true.

He did it once with me when he was drunk. He said he didn't remember.

He flirts with his friends girlfriend infront of me and tells me he was just picking around. get over it.

I'm getting older and I don't want to look back and see another 25 yrs of the samething, He is braking me, He always tells me he sorry and it won't happen again but it does. what to do

[Ronni_W]

It sounds like a long-standing pattern that you have basically enabled, or allowed him to keep doing.

 

The way to change any relationship dynamic is to change our own habitual way of doing things and communicating with the other -- the other must then adjust their own "old stuff" in relation to our "new stuff".

 

Therapy can help make it easier to see exactly where, what and how we need to adjust in our own thinking and actions. Best of luck.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

If marriage counseling doesn't work, move on. You have invested a lot into this and got very little in return. Find someone that could love you and you can love them. It's never too late.