Jealous wife

[greeneyemonster]

My husband has a lot of girl friends, I don't mind him having friends but what he talks about worries me. He has told them our sex life like what we do in bed and they tell him theirs.

He says and tells me everything which is sometimes good but tells me too much with the banter at work which I really don't want to know. I haven't met any of these people and I just feel he is getting too emotionally close.

He has already slept over his friend lesbian bisexual house and I wasn't happy with that either. How am I supposed to get over him having female friends I am having alot of trouble in my head dealing with it.

[sally4sara]

My husband has a lot of girl friends, I don't mind him having friends but what he talks about worries me. He has told them our sex life like what we do in bed and they tell him theirs.

He says and tells me everything which is sometimes good but tells me too much with the banter at work which I really don't want to know. I haven't met any of these people and I just feel he is getting too emotionally close.

He has already slept over his friend lesbian bisexual house and I wasn't happy with that either. How am I supposed to get over him having female friends I am having alot of trouble in my head dealing with it.

 

Does this mean he is friends with a couple comprised of one gay female and one bi female, or he has a female friend that you are unclear of her sexual orientation but know she is either gay or bi?

 

Either way.......ummm NO! Not cool unless he was out of town and they were the only option for lodging. And I'm pretty laid back, but discussing our sex life with friends is out of line. I also would be squeamish about the sleep overs. Do you know this friend(s) of his?

I have guy friends that are JUST friends and IME, the quickest way to get them confused about just being friends would be to make the mistake of talking about my sex life with them.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

Sounds like more is going on than what you have written.

 

Pay close attention to his patterns. My belief is that he is having extra marital interactions or at minimum, taking your relationship public.

 

Re-evaluate your relationship with hubby. Things are not as they appear.

[Ronni_W]

He seems to have confusion over the boundaries of "private and intimate married life" versus what is appropriate to reveal to platonic friends (both male and female.)

 

Spouses are entitled to ask the other to maintain marital privacy (sex, finances, politics, whatever) and behave in ways that support each other's dignity and sense of well-being.

 

My guess is that if he learns how to keep his friendships appropriate, then it would not be a cause of concern for you.

That you are unhappy says it's time for him to participate in the emotional side of his marriage.

 

"Sleep overs" and sex talk -- someone needs to gently remind him that he is no longer in junior high!

[angie2443]

My husband has a lot of girl friends, I don't mind him having friends but what he talks about worries me. He has told them our sex life like what we do in bed and they tell him theirs.

He says and tells me everything which is sometimes good but tells me too much with the banter at work which I really don't want to know. I haven't met any of these people and I just feel he is getting too emotionally close.

He has already slept over his friend lesbian bisexual house and I wasn't happy with that either. How am I supposed to get over him having female friends I am having alot of trouble in my head dealing with it.

 

Your situation has some similarities to mine. Mainly, the husband telling private information, that should be kept between just you two, to his female friends. Honestly, knowing what I know now, if there were no kids involved, I would just leave. The boundry was a hard one to overcome for us. However, I don't know your husband and he might truely be clueless as to what is wrong with the things he does (but how could he not know??).

 

If you truely love your husband, and know he loves and respects you, I'd tell him how he's making you feel and that he needs to stop or you need to go. Set bounderies now or he'll continue to talk about private issues and you'll be torn apart, bit by bit. every relationship needs trust to survive and how can you trust your husband if he's taking the most private things between you and putting them on public display.

 

Don't try to fight the jealous feeling. Instead, listen to it and let it warn you if there is something wrong. I tried to push my feelings away for years when my husband was sharing intimant details with his female friend and all it did was turn me into a doormat and fill me with rage.

 

I wish you luck!

[greeneyemonster]

He says she is lesbian but I heard that she slept with a guy last year, classing her as bi more than lesbian. He hates it when I tell him that. I just think that if I had male friends like he has he would at least be wary of the relationships involved.

I just find it really hard to understand why for years he hasn't bothered to have friends and now all of a sudden he has all these friends a lot female and stays overnight, buys new clothes hold his mobile closer than usual.

 

We have two small children and both closing in quickly to 40 and he says these people are very genuine and like him for him nothing else. I just think he may come across something more to the single girls without him knowing they are interested.

 

Christmas night was a doozy, I got so angry I slapped him on the face from all the frustration of all of our relationship problems. I know I did wrong but he responded to jumping on me and putting his hands on my neck and strangling me. He has then tried to turn it around by telling me he was trying to stop me but I was kicking him off me but he kept on coming back.

I told him that that was final and not to touch me anymore, no sex nothing. I regret that now but I don't know what I want, I hate the thought of someone else with him but sometimes he is so negative and nasty thats what I hate.

I could go on forever but I will add this to another thread.

[ElvenPriestess]

I don't care who the guy is, your husband, or who ever, no man EVER has the right to put his hands on you like that. While you shouldn't have done what you did, him putting his hands around your throat and strangling you again and again? That's all I needed to hear to tell you you have to get away from him. Everything else put aside do not EVER stay with a man who hits you. I made that mistake and stayed too long. Don't put up with it.

[greeneyemonster]

I do agree, I have been doing some weekly counselling sessions and it is getting my confidence back so I can be strong and know what I am to do in the next few months.

 

He told me last night that his friend he wants to keep because she is a good mate and only sees her as a mate. I have a good feeling that she is not going to give him up to easy. I want to meet her so I am not imagining the person I think she is. YOu know when you go on a blind date and you hear that persons voice and it sounds hot but once you get to see him/her its not what you expect, thats how I feel.

 

But i feel really upset that he wants her as a friend. I know I am wrong feeling this way but thats just how I feel, he can have her as a friend but I don't have to be all happy and fuzzy about it, you can't make someone feel that way.

 

We have issues that need to clear up shall I list them.

1. His step daughter, my daughter moved out last year at 15 and has accused him of malesting her. She was doing alot of bad stuff like dating a guy a few years older, while she was underage, too hard to go into.

2. A lot of new girl friends and friends I have not yet met.

3. Physical violence

4. Not getting along with my family and making family outings very uncomfortable but thats my fault because my family HATE him, not true its because he has shown them in the past some nasty words said to my daughter.

5. Being controlling with the household chores and then accusing me of not doing around the house. That was fair enough I hate housework but I just don't feel I had control and when I do things its not good enough.

 

Thats enough, Blast me guys, I am mad to stay, hey!

[angie2443]

Forget his girlfriends. It would be a blessing if he left you for one of them, even if he didn't pay child support.

 

This man, from the picture your painting, is dangerous. He is violent, controling, and a possible child molester. Why on earth do you want him around your little children? Aren't you concerned for their safety?

 

I hope I don't sound harsh. It just seems very selfish and imature to stay with this man and to focus on his girlfriends when you should be getting away from him. What exactly are you hoping for? Will he open up to counsiling at least?

 

I wish you luck!

[CherryBakewell]

Your 15 year old daughter accused him of molesting her and you let her move out and stayed with him????!!!!!!!!!! Where did your daughter go? I'm not suprised she was dating older guys and getting into trouble - look at her home life? As a girl I was in a similar situation to your daughter, and it completely and utterly f***ed me up for years.

 

Please don't take this as an attack on you. It seems clear you are in a terribly abusive relationship and need help. I hope the counselling helps - and I really really hope someone is looking out for your daughter xx

[torranceshipman]

MY heart goes out for your daughter - I hope she's okay and I am sure she feels really miserable and alone right now. You should get that piece of crap out of your house now and get your little daughter back home safe, so she knows someone cares about her and values her-she's just a child, really, and is obviously in a very bad place right now.

 

You H has no respect for you and has physically assaulted you and done God knows what to your daughter (no wonder she's acting up!!!!)- there is no redeeming qualities here and no reason to save this M - and really, I think the issue of what your daughter may have been through is far greater and more significant than anything else you've discussed in your post.

[Florida]

1. His step daughter, my daughter moved out last year at 15 and has accused him of malesting her. She was doing alot of bad stuff like dating a guy a few years older, while she was underage, too hard to go into.

 

Do you have any idea what this has done to your daughter?

While you are stewing over these friends of your husband, you betrayed your own daughter for a man.

 

A no good son of a bitc&* *man*

 

So, your daughter says your husband is molesting her, you let her move out, and you are still with him?

 

I think it is good she got herself out of there, I can only hope it is to a safe haven. You took your husband's side, apparently, by stating "she accused him of molesting her". What do you mean accused? You don't believe her?

 

You are so debased by him, and in an abusive situation you couldn't even wake up when your own daughter was scarred for life by him.

 

Please get counselling. I have volunteered for talking to girls like this, girls who had mothers who had boyfriends molest/rape them.

 

You really have on idea what harm you are causing her. Or yourself. Who cares about his friends ----HE MOLESTED YOUR DAUGHTER!!!

 

What will it take to leave him and show your daughter you can protect her and not sell her out for this trash heap you call your husband??

[Bekkie]

Jealousy is when you are possesive over someone to the point that you begrudge them normal relationships with other people or family members. If your husband speeks to the lady at the cash register in the supermarket and says some nice things, perhaps he notices that she is tired and stressed, you would normaly feel pride for having such a great guy at your side. If however, you feel anger towards the lady or your husband, you are unreasonable and therefore jealous. If he had oggled the lady and said something with an unappropriate meaning, or used words that may lead one to feel uncomfortable or betrayed, chances are that your instincts are telling you something, and this is not jealousy, it is a survival mechanism we all have, and all too few use! Please don't sell yourself short, you sound like a lady who has been abused for so long (perhaps in a subtle, understated way that would bore into your sense of self) that you are unable to read your own feelings and reactions. Your husband has been provoking you for a long time, and it looks like his telling you all these things about the women friends he has is not to tell you lies, but to give you a reason to lash out at him, as you did. Often abusers do this to justify to themselves their transition to the next level of abuse, and it looks like he jumped on the opportunity with both hands!!!!!!! Get out while you are still in tact, he cannot cope with the responsibility of young children, he sounds emotionally undeveloped (if he is not being deliberate in his actions) and this alone is a danger to your children, and speaks of psychotic episodes in your future. Your 15 year old daughter will probably express concern for her younger siblings if her acusations are true. Join a support group for abused women even if you think your situation is not that bad, just listen to their stories and you will see the pattern clearly.....

 

God bless, I hope you are able to find yourself real soon, especially for the sakes of the little one's.

[annieo]

Not to be repetitive with the previous posts, but you've got a lot more to worry about with this jerk than feeling jealousy about his friendships with other women. The guy sounds seriously scary and ****ed up. You are not the "monster" as in your name, it sounds like he is. Do what you need to to prevent further harm to you or your kids.

[greeneyemonster]

Hey, Before I get a blasting again let me tell you a bit more regarding situation. It is very hard to say this about my own daughter but she has been in trouble for a long time, she picks people who are in trouble, climbs out of her window at 12 at night to meet people down the park and has no idea why I get angry at her for getting angry, she is a real handful.

 

Before she left she was planning with her 18 year old boyfriend to move out. My H and I tried to compromise with her to stay we would help her get a good job and buy her a car, but she said she would rather be with her boyfriend. The accusation of molestation did not come from my daughter directly but through a letter someone had wrote to my H. My daughter has said to me that it didn't happen, my husband has been in counselling with this issue and you really have to know the whole story too I guess to make a fair comment. I am sorry guys for stating that but its like you to know someone you prob have to live with them to understand them better.

 

I am getting myself in control now and I feel that with my counselling it is going to help me. I appreciate all the comments, and I will not be adding anything else to this tread, or others it just confuses me. Thanks again

[klee]

Hey, Before I get a blasting again let me tell you a bit more regarding situation. It is very hard to say this about my own daughter but she has been in trouble for a long time, she picks people who are in trouble, climbs out of her window at 12 at night to meet people down the park and has no idea why I get angry at her for getting angry, she is a real handful.

 

Before she left she was planning with her 18 year old boyfriend to move out. My H and I tried to compromise with her to stay we would help her get a good job and buy her a car, but she said she would rather be with her boyfriend. The accusation of molestation did not come from my daughter directly but through a letter someone had wrote to my H. My daughter has said to me that it didn't happen, my husband has been in counselling with this issue and you really have to know the whole story too I guess to make a fair comment. I am sorry guys for stating that but its like you to know someone you prob have to live with them to understand them better.

 

I am getting myself in control now and I feel that with my counselling it is going to help me. I appreciate all the comments, and I will not be adding anything else to this tread, or others it just confuses me. Thanks again

 

I know you just stated that you are giving up on this thread, but I really think you need to listen to what the others have posted. No one is attacking you---maybe a little surprising, the way you choose to handle this alleged molestation situation---but it is in kind, honestly. This is your child and even if she is engaging in poor decisions, it is your duty as a mother to hear her and support her, not just be all, well, she's just a bad kid. No. Thats wrong.

 

Just my 2 cents. Good luck.

[Florida]

Green eye -klee is right, many posters are just trying to help.

 

I see you said you are getting counselling to control your feelings.

 

I don't know why you have to do that, you are not overly jealous.

 

The moment he slept at his *friends* house your relationship was over. It is good to get these boundaries out there way before marriage.

 

Another poster pointed out how the abuse starts slowly then builds, I know we don't know the specifics otf your daughter's situation, but don't you think her trying to move out with her BF is also a sign she is trying to get away from him?

 

Maybe she did not admit it to you because she was afraid to see you pick him over her.