Will Someone Take You Back after cheating?

[browneyedtide]

I was dating a guy for 2.5 years... we got along great- he treated me like I was a million dollars. For some reason, my parents kept telling me that I was too young to settle down. They told me that I should date around since I am only 20. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that me and my boyfriend were more friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. We were 100% ourselves around eachother and stuff... and it was comfortable... but I didn't have that "i'm dying to see you and kiss you" passion anymore... my heart just wasn't into it anymore.

 

I wanted to see what was out there in the world, so I went behind his back and met other guys. This went on for almost a year. I dated guys and stuff without ever telling my boyfriend. I know it was horrible, but I was scared to lose my security blanket and be alone... p.s. i hate being alone.

 

long story short, my boyfriend found out about my secret life. needless to say, he kicked my ass to the curb. we have been broken up for almost 2 weeks now. he told me when we broke up that he hated me and never wanted to talk to me or see me again and that he would NEVER take me back.

 

We started talking... and after all the tears, i finally got to have a normal conversation with him instead of him yelling at me. We've hung out... i went to his place and we watched tv. at first, i didnt know if i wanted him back but now i want him back.

 

he says that no matter what he will never take me back. my question is, is there any way to prove that i have changed? to prove i wont cheat or lie? to get trust back? the only reason i have hope is because he told me we would never talk again... and we have hung out.

 

any advice?! i know im a ****ty person

[Cobra_X30]

 

he says that no matter what he will never take me back. my question is, is there any way to prove that i have changed? to prove i wont cheat or lie? to get trust back? the only reason i have hope is because he told me we would never talk again... and we have hung out.

 

Yes. However you need to answer some questions first.

 

What have you done to change? Obviously you stopped not because you wanted to stop, but because he caught you. So what makes you think that you have changed?

 

Also, do you really want to be with him and only him? Or are you just afraid to lose your security blanket?

[browneyedtide]

To stop, I have stopped talking to the guys I was messing around with. when I go out to the bars, i dont look for men anymore. i messed up this weekend by giving my number to a guy.. and i told my ex... he got pissed. i told him though so it would be a sign of honesty.

 

but i know that when i go out this weekend, i wont give out my number. i am not going out every day this weekend like i did last weekend either.

 

what else can i do to show that i have changed?

 

and i'm not sure what i want... i think im vulnerable right now. all i know is this- he loved me like i was his life. i was everything to him and he was the best for me. his family was amazing... i feel like i shouldnt give that up.

 

do you really think he'd take me back even though he says "ill NEVER take u back?"

[torranceshipman]

But...you havent changed - you've just decided you want your boyfriend back! Your boyfriend can see this and it probably comes off as really selfish, as its still all about what you want, when you want it...not about his happiness.

[Cobra_X30]

To stop, I have stopped talking to the guys I was messing around with. when I go out to the bars, i dont look for men anymore. i messed up this weekend by giving my number to a guy.. and i told my ex... he got pissed. i told him though so it would be a sign of honesty.

 

but i know that when i go out this weekend, i wont give out my number. i am not going out every day this weekend like i did last weekend either.

 

what else can i do to show that i have changed?

 

and i'm not sure what i want... i think im vulnerable right now. all i know is this- he loved me like i was his life. i was everything to him and he was the best for me. his family was amazing... i feel like i shouldnt give that up.

 

do you really think he'd take me back even though he says "ill NEVER take u back?"

 

He might. It would take time... and you need to keep contact with him. Also, you have to keep from picking up other guys... even to the point of taking numbers. You have to think of things you did that he didnt like before... and do them different now.

 

But seriously... It does'nt sound like you love this guy. I think if you really loved him you would not have done what you did.

 

Just because he treats you nice, does not mean he is the guy for you. I'd say move on! Let him find someone who loves him.

 

You go find someone that you can love too!

[Maxi]

Personally, I would never take back a girl that has done that - and would probably never date a girl who has done it in past relationships! In all honesty, I dont think he will ever take you back - even if he wants to. The fact of the matter is that you've done these horrible things for so long without any remorse, behind his back, and you have probably inflicted serious damage that will affect all his future relationships.

 

My question to you is do you really want to get back with him and do you really care for him? If so do you think that starting the relationship would be the best thing for both of you?

 

It really doesnt seem like you've changed much (as your still willing to give out your number - and the fact that you have told him will not increase his trust in you)... and you seem more upset with the fact that you have lost your security blanket rather than a person you love deeply.

 

My advise is to leave him be, so he can sort out the issues that you would have given him. If you really care for him you will try to be a good friend.. there for when he needs you... not just when you need him.

 

Sorry for being blunt... but its the honest truth.

[BUENG1]

I was dating a guy for 2.5 years... we got along great- he treated me like I was a million dollars. For some reason, my parents kept telling me that I was too young to settle down. They told me that I should date around since I am only 20. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that me and my boyfriend were more friends than boyfriend/girlfriend. We were 100% ourselves around eachother and stuff... and it was comfortable... but I didn't have that "i'm dying to see you and kiss you" passion anymore... my heart just wasn't into it anymore.

 

I wanted to see what was out there in the world, so I went behind his back and met other guys. This went on for almost a year. I dated guys and stuff without ever telling my boyfriend. I know it was horrible, but I was scared to lose my security blanket and be alone... p.s. i hate being alone.

 

long story short, my boyfriend found out about my secret life. needless to say, he kicked my ass to the curb. we have been broken up for almost 2 weeks now. he told me when we broke up that he hated me and never wanted to talk to me or see me again and that he would NEVER take me back.

 

We started talking... and after all the tears, i finally got to have a normal conversation with him instead of him yelling at me. We've hung out... i went to his place and we watched tv. at first, i didnt know if i wanted him back but now i want him back.

 

he says that no matter what he will never take me back. my question is, is there any way to prove that i have changed? to prove i wont cheat or lie? to get trust back? the only reason i have hope is because he told me we would never talk again... and we have hung out.

 

any advice?! i know im a ****ty person

 

I agree with the above you prolly only want together with him now for the same reason you cheated on him for a year and didn't break up with him. According to you your fear of being alone. You should just leave him be and not make the same mistakes in the future.

[sally4sara]

Right now, your best bet is to not worry about if he will take you back or not. You are lucky enough to have him be willing to share his company with you. It will be a long time, even if he were to take you back, before he will ever feel good about making "you his life" again. Last thing you should want to do is make him feel bad about getting with you or trying to get him to be with you again before he is able to treat you well. Seriously, you found it hard to stick around when he was treating you good. What is the chance you'd stick around if he was treating you with resentment?

 

One of the things a person needs to have a healthy relationship if the ability to stand alone. Focus on that and try to stay friendly with him. You will become a stronger person and you will better be able to recognize why you want to be with someone over anyone else because you will no longer be with them just to not be alone. Perhaps him seeing you able to do that will convince him to try again.

[whichwayisup]

You need to be alone without a guy in your life. It's time to get over your fears of being alone. Focus on yourself, grow as a woman and enjoy life, instead of sneaking off and lying. I know you feel bad about it, but fact remains, you gave some guy your number even AFTER you this all blew up in your face. You tell him you won't do it again, yet your actions prove otherwise..

 

Your boyfriend is your safety net, you aren't inlove with him. And, he knows this too.

[Lauriebell82]

at first, i didnt know if i wanted him back but now i want him back.

 

That right there makes me think that you just want him back for the security of having a bf. I don't think you miss HIM, you miss the relationship. I agree that if you really loved him, you wouldn't have done what you did. Also, if you really loved him and wanted him back, you wouldn't have the thought "I didn't know if I wanted him back but now I do." Love generally doesn't work that way.

 

I think you should move on. Let your ex find a girl who will be loyal to him.