I'm confused?

[War]

Ok...I have been going out with this girl for 4months and 14 days..and 4 days ago, we were talking on the phone, and she didnt sound happy at all, i was asking here what was wrong and she told me that she didnt know if she was ready for a relationship because she had just broken up with her ex 4months before she went out with me.

 

and this point i was all confused , because me and her were having a great relationship, and i care about her so much, that i couldnt understand why she would give up a great releationship with someone who cares about her deeply, for her ex that cheated on her for the last 8 months of her relationship and broke up with her.

 

Her boyfriend is now currently in a relationship that he is very happy with, and she knows that there is no way to get back with him, but then she told me that he is connected to her, like her sister talks to him all the time, and her family works with his family, and the other day when he came to her work and she saw him, "her world crumbled"..

 

so i was asking her what she wanted and she was telling me that she just need some time. so i told her ok...but i am seriously heartbroken, i know it was only 4 months, but when i get into a relationship, i start to care about the girl way to much,and way to fast..i dont know why...but i do.... i think about her every day and it just brings the butterflys to my stomach and i get the adrenaline rush..

 

Ok, that was just the background...now the part i need help on is...that we were going to stay together, but i would give her some time..and the night that this all happend i talked to her on AIM and she was telling me how she was sorry(now i dont know if it was like a "im sorry for your bad luck" kind of sorry...or a "im sorry that i said that and i really dont want to lose you" type of sorry...) and she was asking me how if i wanted to go to the zoo with her, and all this other stuff, i told her that i would love to...

 

i pretty much have talked to her every day..but when we talk its like we are still together, and then its like we are just friends...i havent seen her in person for the past week, and i am really missing her...i really want to know where we stand , but i would like to talk to her in person about it... but my question is...

 

should i just continue with this..being all confused, and just playing it out...should i try not to talk to her? or should i like try to keep pushing her to see her?...should i talk to her to find out where we stand or should i just let it ride?... i dont want it to seem as she has me on strings, and can just pull me back whenever she wants...

 

so some adivice would really help in my confused world...

 

thanks..

[turtle]

It sounds like she has you wrapped around her finger. You are hanging on to being with her like a puppy dog.

 

I know it's going to hurt, but back off from her and you be the one to let go of the relationship. Maybe in time, she might come begging to have you back.

 

It isn't fair for you to have to sit around and see if she wants you or her ex. If she is thinking about going back to him, then she doesn't care about your relationship with her enough. She has to learn to get her priorities straight.

[War]

yeah i know thats what it sounds like, but everything was going great and this just kinda happend, and im just like whaa?

 

she knows she will never get back with her ex, but like you said she might be thinking of going back with him...

 

im still confused as what she wants...cause as far as i know we are still together...it just doesnt seem like it..

 

and why would a girl want a guy that cheats and lies to her over someone that would treat her right and really cares about her?? thats the one i still am trying to figure out..."nice guys do finish last"....

[HokeyReligions]

If her feelings for her ex were that strong then it's going to take her some time to get past that. Look at your own feelings - no one can turn emotions on and off like a switch.

 

I do think that the next time you talk with her you be honest and tell her that you want to have a face-to-face conversation about your relationship. Tell her you are not going to pressure her into a commitment or anything, but you want to know where you stand because you are confused. Tell her you would offer her the same respect were your positions reversed.

 

You have to be honest with yourself too. If she's just not ready for a commitment - can you handle that? Can you go as slow as she needs? Can you say to her "yes, lets date" with the understanding that at some point she may decide that she doesn't want to stay with you because she needs time for herself to get over t his other guy? It's a risk that rebound relationships face and based on what you posted before - you are her rebound guy.

 

I do think that you need to stop wondering and have a face-to-face talk with her to find out where she stands and give both of you the opportunity to decide if you want to continue dating - maybe at a slower pace. She might be afraid to get too close to anyone right now and that is why she is backing away from you.

[War]

HokeyReligions

 

your advice really helped out..

 

and when you said that she may not be ready for a commitment..i can handle it, i wouldnt force her into doing anything. i could also wait, i will always be there for her no matter if she is just a friend or my partner...i wouldnt be able to date her knowing that she will just break up with me out of the blue, because she isnt ready, like she may be doing now; i care about her so much, and i really want to be with her, but i just need to know if we are together, because if we arent i need to try and get over her and move on, even tho it will be extremly hard, but thats another thing, is that i dont want her to be ready for a relationship, and then me have another relationship with someone else..but i dont know..ill find out where we stand, and keep you posted.... Thanks for the help!!!