Guys, would you have sex with your best friend's girlfriend?

[shadowplay]

If your best friend came to you and said, "My girlfriend wants to sleep with you, and I'm not too happy about it, but I won't stand in the way."

 

I found myself as the girl at the center of this bizarre scenario recently (which I fortunately nipped in the bud before it had a chance to develop). But it left me wondering what most guys would do faced with this moral dilemma. Does horniness or loyalty win over?

[Mustang Sally]

Wait a minute....

Are you the girlfriend that wanted to sleep with your bf's best friend?

 

Or are you the best friend (girl) of the guy that one of your girl-friend's wanted to sleep with?

[shadowplay]

Wait a minute....

Are you the girlfriend that wanted to sleep with your bf's best friend?

 

Or are you the bf (girl) of the guy that one of your girl-friend's wanted to sleep with?

 

I'm the girlfriend. It's a long story. I didn't ask my boyfriend to ask his friend this, but it happened anyway.

[EYECANDY000]

Not a guy, but I doubt guys would sleep with their best friends g/f. And if they do then the bf has no respect for his glf and neither does the friend.

[shadowplay]

Not a guy, but I doubt guys would sleep with their best friends g/f. And if they do then the bf has no respect for his glf and neither does the friend.

 

Well, I guess that doesn't bode well for me.

 

I'm still curious to hear a guy's perspective, though.

[bandit]

well think of how he's going to feel around you after having sex with his gf...

Dude if i were you i would tell him, your my friend and i'm not going to ditch you for sex

[shadowplay]

well think of how he's going to feel around you after having sex with his gf...

Dude if i were you i would tell him, your my friend and i'm not going to ditch you for sex

 

I'm the girl, not the guy, but whatever.

[Mustang Sally]

Ok.

I'm not a guy, but I don't really think that matters.

 

How on earth is such a situation supposed to have any workable post-encounter relationship(s) amongst you all? Unless you are previously established as "open" with your expectations of all involved?

 

Not that there's anything wrong with that.....

I'm just saying.

[Ocean-Blue]

shadow!

 

What the heck happened b/w you two? I've been away far too long.

 

How did it come to this?

 

I can tell you what the men in my life would say (friends, etc) - NO FREAKIN' WAY. I know this b/c we've had discussions about this...

 

Most men are loyal to their friends. Only a royal cad would sleep his BESTFRIEND's gf. And why would your bf do this? I assume whatever you told him was a PRIVATE conversation.

 

You should be pissed.

[EYECANDY000]

Not to be mean or personally attack you but you already did a thread regarding this same matter. and after all the negative responses you are still interested in sleeping with the best friend. Wowzers!!!

[shadowplay]

Not to be mean or personally attack you but you already did a thread regarding this same matter. and after all the negative responses you are still interested in sleeping with the best friend. Wowzers!!!

 

I'm not! As I said I nipped things in the bud after they had a chance to develop. I have no interest in his friend at this point. I also never asked my bf to discuss this with his friend.

 

This is more a hypothetical question. Try not to dwell on the personal details of my situation.

[shadowplay]

shadow!

 

What the heck happened b/w you two? I've been away far too long.

 

How did it come to this?

 

I can tell you what the men in my life would say (friends, etc) - NO FREAKIN' WAY. I know this b/c we've had discussions about this...

 

Most men are loyal to their friends. Only a royal cad would sleep his BESTFRIEND's gf. And why would your bf do this? I assume whatever you told him was a PRIVATE conversation.

You should be pissed.

 

Yeah, I'm still fuming about that. I confided in my bf and he either misinterpreted what I said or chose to ignore it. I specifically told him not to ask his friend. His excuse was he had to get it off his chest.

[shadowplay]

I'm not! As I said I nipped things in the bud after they had a chance to develop. I have no interest in his friend at this point. I also never asked my bf to discuss this with his friend.

 

This is more a hypothetical question. Try not to dwell on the personal details of my situation.

 

I meant before they had a chance to develop. So...sleepy.

[Curmudgeon]

Yeah, I'm still fuming about that. I confided in my bf and he either misinterpreted what I said or chose to ignore it. I specifically told him not to ask his friend. His excuse was he had to get it off his chest.

 

You confided in your boyfriend that you'd like to have sex with his best friend and then expected him to keep your little lust secret just between the two of you?

 

If my interpretation is correct and if I had been your boyfriend (note the PAST tense), and I am a guy by the way, I wouldn't have told him. What I would have done was tell you to have at it/him and that's probably the last thing I would have said to you. We'd be done!

[Curmudgeon]

Most men are loyal to their friends. Only a royal cad would sleep his BESTFRIEND's gf. And why would your bf do this? I assume whatever you told him was a PRIVATE conversation.

 

You should be pissed.

 

Are they loyal to their husband, boyfriends, partners, significant others, etc. or do most women lust after someone other than who they're supposedly with? And is that a fit topic of discussion?

 

For me, that would be an instant and permanent turn-off. "Hi! I'm with you but I really want to boink your best friend, but that's just between us!" Dang right it's between us -- like a barned-wire fence!

 

He should be pissed, not her!

[Curmudgeon]

PS. As to your original question, "No!" I would NOT slewep with my best friend's girlfriend. First of all, I'm loyal to my friends. Secondly, I wouldn't want to get that close to anyone that shallow and disloyal.

[Trialbyfire]

shadow, I didn't really read all the other thread but I did get the gist of it. Were you trying to get a jealous reaction from your b/f, by suggesting an open relationship? Were you hoping for him to show that he was feeling possessive? Was this a form of validation requirement?

[BUENG1]

If your best friend came to you and said, "My girlfriend wants to sleep with you, and I'm not too happy about it, but I won't stand in the way."

 

I found myself as the girl at the center of this bizarre scenario recently (which I fortunately nipped in the bud before it had a chance to develop). But it left me wondering what most guys would do faced with this moral dilemma. Does horniness or loyalty win over?

 

No I wouldn't do it and I don't think most people would. I don't really think its thats much of a dilemma.

[Ocean-Blue]

Are they loyal to their husband, boyfriends, partners, significant others, etc. or do most women lust after someone other than who they're supposedly with? And is that a fit topic of discussion?

 

For me, that would be an instant and permanent turn-off. "Hi! I'm with you but I really want to boink your best friend, but that's just between us!" Dang right it's between us -- like a barned-wire fence!

 

He should be pissed, not her!

 

It was a thought she had and she shared it with him. I'm not aware of the circumstances... Granted it was an unsavory thing to say. But I don't agree with him sharing such a personal conversation with his bestfriend (especially considering it was about the said friend).

 

Sometimes people lust after others. If you don't talk about it with your SO, there's the potential for it to become a problem (i.e. daydreaming about the guy, etc). Rather than be all weird and secretive about it, it's better to approach the bf with the issue. Obviously no one wants to be in a situation like this.

 

Plus, something must've been waay off in her R for her to get to this point.

 

If I were the bf, I would be upset that my gf had such thoughts. And if I were the gf, I'd be upset that he shared such a personal, private conversation with someone.

 

There is no winner here.

[spookie]

Shadow... I knew your R was unhealthy, but I had no idea it would reach THIS level of destruction.

 

To answer your question, though, no, neither I nor anyone else would sleep with a friend's ex under almost any circumstance (including yours). The only situation I can see that happening in is if whether during the course of the original R, both the friends and the SO realized the other couple was far better suited for one anohter, and with the blessing of the friend they fell in love.

 

What you are describing though is some disturbing, destructive exchange of sexual favors. I've never heard of anything like it and frankly I'm surprised that you guys had it in you.

 

Not that I'm judging. People are entitled to their own decisions - if they want to feel pain, not happiness, it's not up to me to claim that is the wrong way to live.

[Curmudgeon]

There is no winner here.

 

Sounds to me like three have lost!

[spookie]

It was a thought she had and she shared it with him. I'm not aware of the circumstances... Granted it was an unsavory thing to say. But I don't agree with him sharing such a personal conversation with his bestfriend (especially considering it was about the said friend).

 

Sometimes people lust after others. If you don't talk about it with your SO, there's the potential for it to become a problem (i.e. daydreaming about the guy, etc). Rather than be all weird and secretive about it, it's better to approach the bf with the issue. Obviously no one wants to be in a situation like this.

 

Plus, something must've been waay off in her R for her to get to this point.

 

If I were the bf, I would be upset that my gf had such thoughts. And if I were the gf, I'd be upset that he shared such a personal, private conversation with someone.

 

There is no winner here.

 

There's no winner, but IMO she made her BF the biggest loser.

 

I don't agree that sharing every one of your fantasies with your SO is necessarily a good idea. Sure, in an ideal world, you want your loved one to understand you inside out... but this isn't an ideal world, communication and love aren't perfect, and neither are people. It's important not to be deceptive, but sometimes it's a good idea to work out your emotional problems on your own instead of dumping all your passing thoughts on your partner, whom they might irreparably hurt (for no reason whatsoever if you intent to keep your hands to yourself).

 

In this situation though, I'm glad Shadow shared. Her trainwreck of an R would ahve gone on a whole lot longer otherwise, hurting them all.

[oppath]

 

Plus, something must've been waay off in her R for her to get to this point.

 

If I were the bf, I would be upset that my gf had such thoughts. And if I were the gf, I'd be upset that he shared such a personal, private conversation with someone.

 

There is no winner here.

 

"So, gf basically broke up with me."

"Oh my god, why? What happened?"

"I don't know. She told me I don't treat her like a priority. She didn't officially end it. She says she wants to casually date you while she figures out if she actually wants me."

"What the ****?"

"Would you actually do it?"

"No, of course not."

"She seems really resolved. I don't want to lose her, but she wants an open relationship."

"Dude, if you want me to **** her, I'll **** her so hard she bleeds."

 

I'm guessing the actual conversation went like that. He had every right to tell him. When you have relationship conflicts, you seek advice from friends. She brought him into the mix the moment she told her bf "I want to date your friend." Not tell him? When my gf's break up with me, I talk to my friends about it. I don't see how he could not tell him. I'd be telling him to try and figure out if something had been going on behind my back for a while. He had every right to tell his friend. Shadowplay created this situation herself. He is not at fault for telling his buddy "my gf basically broke up with me but wants to date you just to make sure if she is making the right decision." He was seeking support/advice from his friend.

 

Any negative feelings she feels as a result of this, she is culpable for, not him. She screwed up. Not him.

[guilt_and_regret]

I'm a guy and no way, no how would I ever consider sleeping with my best friend's girlfriend, regardless of him giving "permission". I also think even mentioning to your bf that you were interested in his friend was completely classless and low.

[Ocean-Blue]

"So, gf basically broke up with me."

"Oh my god, why? What happened?"

"I don't know. She told me I don't treat her like a priority. She didn't officially end it. She says she wants to casually date you while she figures out if she actually wants me."

"What the ****?"

"Would you actually do it?"

"No, of course not."

"She seems really resolved. I don't want to lose her, but she wants an open relationship."

"Dude, if you want me to **** her, I'll **** her so hard she bleeds."

 

I'm guessing the actual conversation went like that. He had every right to tell him. When you have relationship conflicts, you seek advice from friends. She brought him into the mix the moment she told her bf "I want to date your friend." Not tell him? When my gf's break up with me, I talk to my friends about it. I don't see how he could not tell him. I'd be telling him to try and figure out if something had been going on behind my back for a while. He had every right to tell his friend. Shadowplay created this situation herself. He is not at fault for telling his buddy "my gf basically broke up with me but wants to date you just to make sure if she is making the right decision." He was seeking support/advice from his friend.

 

Any negative feelings she feels as a result of this, she is culpable for, not him. She screwed up. Not him.

 

If this was his ONE AND ONLY friend in the whole wide world, maybe it's excusable. But I fail to see the reasoning in his turning to this particular friend IF he has more than one friend.

 

If I confide something in a friend, I expect it to go nowhere. She had a thought and she told her bf. I suspect it may've been a comment made in anger and resentment...fr. what I've gathered fr. shadow's earlier posts.

 

You really think it was a good idea to tell the friend? Not only did her bf betray her trust, he brought the friend into it by informing him of the details. I don't think this is cool.

 

As I've said before, her even having these thoughts and telling him makes him a victim too (especially if it was said as a result of some hostility b/w the two).

 

You're telling me that an SO can't tell their partner, "hey look...I've been feeling weird lately...not sure what to do about it...i've been having thoughts about X?" Some people deal with this stuff on their own and others talk about it. If you don't, stuff gets out of hand (you put the object of affection on a scale, fantasize about them...it gets messy). Verbalizing your thoughts helps you think rationally (sometimes).

 

If these two ever had a chance of working out, it's pretty much shot now. He betrayed her confidence and she screwed him over by lusting after his bestfriend and effectively killed his ego.