JW Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 Hey guys..just a little confused about something and wanted to get second opinions. Two weeks ago I went out with a guy I've liked and been friends with for a while. Technically speaking, it was our "first date" and things went amazing. I felt like we really connected and definately thought there was a strong chemistry between us. We'd spoken a couple of times since then on the phone and this past week I took the initiative and asked him to go out again. He said yes and we went out last night. So...last night we got together and went to a bar/club and then went to a cafe afterwards. Unfortunately, last night there was no spark. He wasn't very talkative, barely any touching or positive body language, and in general just didn't seem like he was very into me. For example, walking down the street together he was always a couple steps in front of me (I know that sounds dumb but I read into crap like that). He didn't seem like he was having fun and he affected my mood and then I just became a bore too. Basically, it was a bust. So opposite of how things had been a couple weeks before. The only positive sign of interest I got from him was when I was feeling cold and he put his arm around me for like 30 seconds to warm me up. Maybe he was just being polite. I just don't get how two people who had a great time on their first date couldn't make it work on a second date. I truly felt like he wasn't into me...when he dropped me off at home we didn't even kiss each other on the cheek but gave each other a half assed, barely there hug. Then he mentioned he'd give me a call later on next week. I realize we didn't click last night, and that he sees me as only a buddy. But can anyone tell me why? Why would he agree to go out with me again if he wasn't interested? How can people click on one date and then just not click after that? Should I bother talking to this guy anymore now that's it's apparent I'm in the "friends zone" --as I do feel like a fool since he can tell I like him even though he doesn't like me back... Link to post Share on other sites
JW Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 I just wanted to add that even though he was acting this way he wasn't rude or anything. He was very nice and all, paid for stuff, etc, but I just got the vibe that he was interested in me. Just wanted to mention that to be clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 I wouldn't jump to any conclusions based solely on this second date. Yep, it may not have had quite the electricity of the first date but there are a lot of possible reasons for that. He could have had things on his mind, he could have been stressed out from work, he may have thought things went so well on the first date he was trying to tone things down, some people get extremely nervous if they feel they are really liking somebody and things become awkward for a time, etc. Don't call him again. However, if he calls you that says he is interested to some degree. Accept his invitation for a third date if he makes one and see how things go then. If you have another bummer like last night, talk to him about it and let him know exactly how you feel. Don't leave things unsaid. It's always best to celebrate in the event you find out a person isn't right so soon after starting to date. Some people go three or four years and two or three kids before finding that out. Discovering somebody isn't right for you so quickly is terrific and saves a LOT of heartbreak. But it's just a tad too early to make that precise determination in your case. I know couples who started together very poorly and nearly called the whole thing off who are the happiest they could possibly be now. Link to post Share on other sites
JW Posted June 21, 2003 Share Posted June 21, 2003 Tony...is you're still around.... I don't really think he sees our going out as "dates". To me these are dates but I think because we are old work buddies to him this is just hanging out. Plus he isn't asking to get together regularly at all...do you still think there is reason to take a "wait and see" approach for a third date? I mean, he said he'd call me back next week! (not good in my books :-( Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 YOU ASK: "...do you still think there is reason to take a "wait and see" approach for a third date?" Don't shut down your entire life waiting around but if there's nothing else going on right now, what's it to you to see him again. My advice doesn't change. You obviously don't understand human beings. But there's not nearly enough room for me to include all the information here...but humans are capable of all varieties of behavior. A person can consider you a buddy one day but reconsider and find you the love of his or her life the next. It's happened to me. As a matter of fact, the best thing you could do is start dating somebody else and see just how fast your buddy will change his tune about how he feels. This love stuff gets complicated but don't worry about it. Trust me. I know what I'm talking about. Stop analyzing and enjoy the ride. The sun doesn't rise or set with this guy. Go out with him again if you will...don't if you won't. But regardless of how he sees you, if you really like him don't give up so easily. If he's treating you with respect and consideration, which you say he is, you're are better than half way there. But don't turn down other offers to go out. Enjoy life and stop being so uptight about it. It really doesn't last long and stress and worry is NOT rewarded. Link to post Share on other sites
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