twice_shy Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 If you’ve been cheated on, you might not want to read this any further. I’m not asking for advise on getting out of this affair of mine. I’m reaching out to those that are currently in a A and wanting to know there feelings I’m starting this thread to ask other that are in my same situation if they have the same feelings that I do. As some of you might know I’m the MM in the affair. It’s been going on for about 5 months now. We don’t have a very open relationship. I think she’s always in denial that she’s doing anything wrong when obviously she is. She tells me how I’m a very close friend who she cares about a lot and has feelings and attraction for and that she’s typically very close and touchy and kissy with close friends. I don’t believe that for a second. I know that we have more. We haven’t had sex but the other night after a big fight because I mentioned the word AFFIAR and she didn’t want to squeeze the facts into her head, we went further than we’ve ever gone before. No sex but very passionate kissing and other things that I won’t get into detail. Now here’s the part where I question myself how I feel. It’s very hard for me to go 3 or more days without seeing her. I begin to get depressed. I can’t concentrate on most stuff that I do because she is constantly on my mind. I can’t clear my mind from her no matter what I do. As a matter of fact I should be working right now and instead I’m writing this. My productivity at was has declined a considerable amount. I have the very hot OW that I’m having a great time with when I see her, shouldn’t I be feeling good? I tell her to call me last night, she didn’t, that’s ok though, she gets off of work really late, she’s a dancer (not a stripper, there’s a difference) and now my mind starts to race. Why didn’t she call, I need to hear from her now. I guess I feel a lot of anxiety knowing that any day she might find a guy that she likes and run on with him and this little fantasy that we have will be over in a heartbeat. Knowing this just kills me inside. The fact that she’s very friendly and very attractive makes this a great possibility. The other night I told her that I would never hold her back from starting to see someone new. It’s not fair for her that I go home to someone and she doesn’t. So to some it all up, I’m feeling depressed, anxious, and jealous. I think about this girl every minute of the day and it sucks. So why don't you do the right thing by your wife and get a divorce? that way you can be with your OW and she can move on and find someone worthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Line up 1000 married men that this has never happened to, give them a hot ass girl and have her show interest, I will bet you that half of those men will take the bait. These kind of tests happen all the time in life, it's the ol' bell-shaped curve. And as always IM5150, the score you get depends on ability, preparation and committment... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author IM5150 Posted June 10, 2008 Author Share Posted June 10, 2008 HI everyone, I wanted to stop by because in an earlier post I had said that I would come back to give you guys an update on what has happened. Well, it finally happened. The W found out about my A with OW. She told me that she was starting to have suspicions because i was coming home late alot but she didn't want to accuse me without anything solid. After she found out we had a talk and I told her that I had slept with OW and that we were still seeing each other. My W told me that I had to leave the house until I figured stiff out. That was about 3 months ago. I started in a hotel room for a week, then a friends house, and now I'm renting from another friend. We've seen a counselor a few times but we both agreed that it wasn't helping much. Up until now i still don't know what I'm going to do. I continue the contact with the OW. My W says that she is not going to wait forever. She is willing to give me another chance and it's up to me. My days are numbered and someone is going to get extremely hurt very soon, my W or my OW. I'm at the point where I can't decide what i want and it's really stressing me out. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Well, I'm curious. Do you think your wife has ALREADY been really hurt by all of this...but has still opted to "give you another chance"? Unfortunately you're now faced with the inevitable conclusion that happens when an affair is started. THE choice. No one here can tell you how to choose. That's going to be up to you, ultimately. One bit of advice...don't let the fact that counseling failed cause you to opt not to pursue the marriage. Marriage counseling is USELESS when one or the other partner is engaged in an ongoing affair. There's really nothing at all a counselor can do during that situation to help recover the marriage. The only advice I can give you is to realize that you're going to have to give ONE of them up...FOREVER. My wife didn't want to realize this at first when she opted to recover our marriage, but came to understand it with time. Your wife will NEVER trust any kind of contact with you and OW again. Your OW will feel the exact same way about your wife as well. Once the 'friendship line' was crossed, this was a foregone conclusion. Beyond that, all I can add is...'good luck'. I have no doubt that what you're going through is pure HE!!. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 OK, I can see that the hatred towards me is starting to grow in this community. I better stop now before it gets worse. Well you didn't really post this in the right forum. Most of the people that frequent this forum have been betrayed and you not wanting to get out of your affair or right the wrong you are doing to your wife is a slap in the face to them. Your desire to be a cheater will be better received in the Other Man/Other Woman forum. They coddle that kind of behavior there. I'll let you guys know what ever comes of this fantasy world of mine. I'll come back with an update when I have one. Either: 1. I end it 2. OW ends it. 3. W finds out. Hopefully its #3 and when she finds out she gets one hell of a bulldog of an attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
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