ilovebono Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I hope you all read this and understand that I am hurting badly and have been for over a year. I wish I could let it go and move on, but I can't. I have never been a girl who wanted a lot of things. I didn't go to prom (not because I wasn't asked) but it was not important. Didn't join a sorority because I didn't care about all that, and never wanted a big wedding. I am giving this backstory to show that I am not overly concerned with many things some people are. And if they are concerned about them that is fine. To each their own. The only thing I wanted was to be surprised when I was proposed to. He did not even have to go all out on the ring (because surprise I did not care about the ring either). I just wanted someone to care enough to plan out a succcessful proposal and leave me feeling special. Well long story short. He pre ejaculated and told me he got me something for our anniversary but it would not be there until a week after. So I asked him if he would tell me what it was on the day and he sad YES. So naturally on the day of our anniversary I asked what it was and he would not tell me. This is after he told me he would. So I have no card, or plans on the day and he will not tell me what it is. He should have kept quiet. I badgered him because I do not like when people say one thing and do another. Finally he spat at me across the bed and said, "I GOT YOU A RING OK." and that is that. he ruined the only thing i wanted. Now my question to anyone is how can I let this go. I know i need to. I can not live with this forever. People have told me to let it go, but how is the question. I am very depressed and cry every once in a while. Today is a bad day for me. very bad. I can usually forget about it, but for some reason not today. has this happened to anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Micke81 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 This happened over a year ago? If it is still bothering you, maybe there really is more to it? If it was more recent, maybe ask him to plan something special for when the ring does get here? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Oh good grief.... What are you going to do in a crisis..?! Maybe this may be an object lesson in not pestering someone... I guess it hasn't crossed your mind that you might have ruined his surprise for you? Maybe he had big plans about what to do on the day, and didn't want you to go planning anything too much, so that he could make it a great day for you - Has it occured once, to you, that YOU messed up - ?? I'm really sorry, but from what I can gather from your post, you pushed and pushed him and ended up ruining the surprise for yourself - then you blame him for not coming up to scratch....? And this has been 'over a year'....? Oh man..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilovebono Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 Geisha, thanks for your empathy. Are you a therapist? can I have your card? you are that good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ilovebono Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 I will deal with this on my own. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Actually, yes I am. And you wouldn't believe the people I have coming to see me. drug addicts who have murdered their spouses. Alcoholics who have beaten their wives, husbands and children black and blue. Children who are abused in every way imagineable. Today I had a woman who has been beaten so hard by her husband, she is now registered disabled. I had a guy who was abused by his father from the age of four. Oh, and some girl whose boyfriend 'ruined her engagement' because she prized the secret out of him. I'll e-mail you my details. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 How do you get over it? You need to put it into perspective. What is more important to you - the fact that you are marrying a man who loves you and who you love, or how you got there? If how you got there is more important, than I don't think you've found "the one." If knowing that you are going to be married to the man of your dreams is more important, hopefully realizing that will put it in perspective for you and make you realize that your focus has been on the wrong thing. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Maybe this may be an object lesson in not pestering someone... I guess it hasn't crossed your mind that you might have ruined his surprise for you? Maybe he had big plans about what to do on the day, and didn't want you to go planning anything too much, so that he could make it a great day for you - Has it occured once, to you, that YOU messed up - ?? I'm really sorry, but from what I can gather from your post, you pushed and pushed him and ended up ruining the surprise for yourself - then you blame him for not coming up to scratch. Snap Geisha! I was thinking exactly the same thing. Ilovebono, the only persons feelings you are considering in this scenario are YOURS. Do you not feel sad for your (is he your fiance? Are you actually going to get married?) BF? He wanted to surprise you, but the damned postal service didn't quite match up with the dates. What was he supposed to do? He had to either get you an alternative present, or tell you that the ring he had obviously put some thought into was going to be a little late. If he had gotten you something else as a decoy present, you probably would have be disappointed. If he had not given you ANYTHING on the day, you would have been disappointed. If you are this fixated on the proposal a year after the event, and NOT the man who you are supposed to love and want to spend your life with, then I dont think you are ready to be getting married at all. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 I need advice not disdain And believe it or not, you are getting it. Just because you aren't getting 100% sympathy and people agreeing with everything you say doesn't mean that the things we say aren't valid and that you shouldn't take some of them on board. In fact, perfect strangers are sometimes perfectly placed to tell you what you NEED to hear, but don't necessarily WANT to hear. They can see the situation with a more objective clarity that you, as someone with an emotional attachment, often can't. Welcome to Loveshack. If you stick around, you will find that nobody really means to be nasty. Geisha, thanks for your empathy. Are you a therapist? can I have your card? you are that good. Sarcasm isn't necessary. If you don't agree, thats fine. I will deal with this on my own. Thank you. when I first joined LS, a few posters who i now highly respect forced me to see a few home truths about my own situation. I needed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I will deal with this on my own. Thank you. The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feeling Groovy) Lyrics Slow down, you move too fast. You got to make the morning last. Just kicking down the cobble stones. Looking for fun and feelin' groovy. Hello lamppost, What cha knowing? I've come to watch your flowers growing. Ain't cha got no rhymes for me? Doot-in' doo-doo, Feelin' groovy. Got no deeds to do, No promises to keep. I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep. Let the morning time drop all its petals on me. Life, I love you, All is groovy. In other words, ilovebono, lighten up. You will never get 100% agreement and approbation. You won't often get hand-holding and rarely be offered shoulders to cry on. What you will receive is truth and wisdom born of experience as others see it. That's called "advice." It wouldn't be offered if we didn't care. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Find your sense of humor! You'll be telling this story to your grandkids about how grandpa proposed and they'll laugh themselves silly. In fact, I'm sure there have been similar proposals played out in the movies, romantic comedies... Laugh, be joyful - the man you love DID plan a surprise for you, and he wants to marry you! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 I don't think iloveBono will be back.... I have a feeling she was seeking 'tea and Sympathy' and wasn't ready for the onslaught.... particularly mine! Maybe I'd had a bad day, and maybe I did tackle it a bit head-on, but her being precious didn't help.... Ah well. Hopefully something of what we all said, may have hit home. If not, I'm afraid I actually feel sorry for her B/F...... Link to post Share on other sites
NotMyselfNEmore Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I will have to agree with the general population on this subject...... Ilovebono, you need to wear your boyfriend's shoes too. I think the combination of you pushing him to give you an answer and the excitement he probably felt, knowing that he's now a different man than he was before he met you, THEREFORE he wants to marry you, ruined this moment of "fairy tale" for you. Yeah... we all want the things we want but who gets everything we want anyway??? In my country, men are NOT allowed to propose as a surprise in any way, shape or form. My family would not support me (not to mention help me or attend the wedding) if the proposal wasn't made in the correct manner. We take the proposal as something EVERYONE has to witness because they're holding the fiancee accountable for the HUGE commitment he's about to make. They will all see who he is (including my 5 brothers who will beat him up if he dishonors me) and remember him as the one who loved me enough to GIVE UP EVERYONE ELSE for me. Ask him to plan the honeymoon all by himself and tell him to keep his lips sealed about the details or destination, EVEN IF YOU BADGER HIM TO DEATH UNTIL THE POINT OF EXHAUSTION!! That will give you something to look forward to and it will give him enough practice on how to deal with you for the rest of his life anytime he wants to take you by surprise..... This should give you that thrill you're hoping for so you can finally go on with your life. So you need surprise and suspense?? Have it! You said it yourself: To each its own...........But consider this poor man's situation and give him a break. Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I have never been a girl who wanted a lot of things. No, you just want everything to be perfect. Unfortunately, that's not the way the world works. You are very ungrateful. Link to post Share on other sites
Wantingtogetitright Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 in the same vein as everyone else, good grief woman, get a grip. How selfish can one person be. What about your BF/Fiance. He may have had something very special planned once he had the ring and you have ruined it for him. He forwearned you that there was something special coming but that it would not be ready in time for the actual anniversary. Learn from this, stand in front of a mirror and take a long hard look at yourself. A little honesty about yourself and admitting a few home truths may help you move on and move forward. You say you don't want a lot, well prove it. Be grateful and feel blessed that the one you love and have chosen has also chosen you and work at making that remain so. Link to post Share on other sites
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