tell me the truth !

[swedishfish]

hi all

I have been with a woman on and off for 5 yrs. She is a liar, sneaky, stubborn, self-centered, self-absorbed, NON CONFRONTATIONAL, has traits of borderline , narcississtic, and histrioinc personality disorder.

She is a social worker, who is suicidal, ( in fact asked her boss to refer her to a psych ward, doesnt havve a relationsgip with her kids ( all grown ) very superficial, has no friends...only one ex)

I was with he on and off for yrs. why do I want her in my life as a friend?

[galaxy1282]

Wow! I'm not sure. You need to just live your life and move on from her. You do not need anyone in your life who is not doing you any good. I can't imagine that it is very easy dealing with someone like that in your life. Wish her the best and move on.

[norajane]

Do you have a savior complex?

 

Does her dysfunction make you feel better about yourself?

 

Are you the child of alcoholics or other dysfunctional people you had to take care of?

[tihesa71]

That is a good question, why would you want somebody in your life that you feel so negative about. The chemicals in our brain that make us feel infatuated are so very similar to the chemicals that are produced when someone has an addiction that science cannot diferentiaie between the two. Like an alcoholic you keep going back to a back situation. Maybe if you attack your relationship as something that you are addicted to and can kill you, maaybe you can move on to meet the person you were ment to be with instead of continually abusing yourself. You are WORTHY.

[swedishfish]

nora jane annd galaxy... i have read you responses for months. You guys give great feedback consistently.

 

tihesa...thank you for responding. I realy appreciate it.

I dont think I'm the savior type. I know that I'm a very caring individual who doesnt want someone I know to commit suicide. Yes I am the child of an alcohoic father, now dry and 69 yrs. old.

I have realized that I dont believe anything this person says to me, she dissappears when she realizes that i dont want to be with her, and makes excuses to her whereabouts. Tells me that she has a life too, when I have given up my lie temporarily to make sure she is ok mentally.

WTF? She acknowledges nothing, and says that we can have a friendship bond of a lifetime or simply ype "yes" or " no" to having a frienship. So intiially I said "lets be friends" But lets talk thru things to make it stronger. So she comes back with type either yes or no , but you are so important to me that we can make this a lifetime bond.

what to do?

[norajane]

Let her go, let her go, let her go.

 

Friendship, real friendship and not using people, requires a give an take, with both giving and taking. She gives nothing, and only takes from you. You are not an endless fountain of sustenance put here for her to do the vampire thing and suck the life out of you.

 

At some point, you have to say no to the bad things in your life in order to make room and to notice the good things. She is clearly one of those things you have to say no to.

[HisLove]

You stay with her and put up with the dynamics of this relationship because YOU get something out of it. That is what you need to get to the bottom of. Her behaviour is a red herring. It's why you tolerate it in your life that is where the problem is. Within you.

 

Perhaps she chooses not to get well because you are always there to save her. So in many ways, you could be doing her a disservice by not allowing her to stand on her own two feet.

 

BUT you need to figure out what you are getting out of this relationship to stay in it. It sounds very dysfunctional to me. The great thing is you are realising that it isn't working for you. That is a huge step in beginning to figure yourself out and why you do what you do.