foolish...

[since]

Ok..gawd, I can't believe I am actually writing this. Not that I can't believe that what I have to say and how I feel isnt' important; rather, I just dont' really believe that anyone here that reads this post will truly have an answer for me. I sincerely hope that I am wrong.

 

In 1996, I accidentally met the most wonderful woman in the world. It was totally unexpected...and I wasnt' even looking...

 

The next four years were the happiest I have ever been my entire life. We moved in together, shared the same bath towels, watched the same TV programs, laughed at the same jokes....this was a woman that I knew in my heart I wanted nothing more than to grow old with.

 

Then, toward the end of the fourth year, I suffered an acute illness. As the result of my illness, I ended up losing everything that I had.....(i.e. Job, House, Vehicle). My world, literally, turned upside-down. Talk about an identity crisis....everything in my life as I knew it... changed.

 

And, not long after, she also changed and left as well.

 

It took me a lil over a year to recover from the devastation. During that time, I didnt really date that much as I was just trying to get my life back in order. And after I got back on my feet, I attempted to contact her. I know....foolish.

 

Upon contacting her, she (in no uncertain terms) told me that (while she is still single) she holds absolutely no interest in renewing a relationship with me. I have since talked to both my friends and family about this. They also tell me that I should just forget her.

 

So, in this time since, I have gone out and dated other women. Some, I have gotten to know intimately. And, while these ladies r nice and the dates are enjoyable...they r still just not the same. and I've tried to forget about D. in the meantime.

 

See, this is the thing.....How do I stop loving her? Thats what I just cant' figure out, and I don't know what else to do.

 

See, Its been three and a half years now and I still awake some mornings after having a dream with her in it. I still remember how her hair smells. I still remember the tone of her laugh.

 

I've even thought about praying to God and asking him to take whatever love I still have for her from my heart because I just can't think of any other way to rid myself of the pain. Its just too painful. But, how do I ask God to take love away? I don't think he does that, anyway....

 

An older creole lady once told me that these feelings will change. "They will change", she told me, "because you are not receiving any of these feelings in return". "It will just take time".

 

That conversation took place over two years ago....

[RogueK]

It seems to me that the only way it will happen is if you find another who touches you in the same way. Remember you did say it was unexpected so who's to say it can't happen again?