daisywindmill Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 Just wondering if anyone can give me some tips on how to overcome the fear of changing jobs? I'm working with the disabled/mentally handicapped at the moment and doing a course to enable me to return to being a legal pa. The plan was to finish the course at the end of this year then start job hunting again. Unfortunately my ex has decided to drop my child maintenance by a rather huge amount so I now have to change jobs and go back into legal pa before I am ready. It took me two days to complete my CV but it's done and some interest has been shown in it so I'm sure finding that job I want will be no problem but I AM TERRIFIED! It's daft, I'm 38 and have moved around alot over the past years and found myself in new situations many times, so why do I feel so anxious about this and what can I do about it? Oh and the other problem is leaving the people I work with now. I've been there three years and it's going to be very emotional, particularly for the people I care for in my work. Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisywindmill Posted June 22, 2003 Author Share Posted June 22, 2003 How do I study, work full time, have time for my boyfriend and look after my family and home? That bothers me too as I'm worried something will give! Argh! Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 Hi there, Question: you mentioned that your ex dropped your child maintenance payment by a huge amount. Can he do this? Not sure how that sort of thing works there in the UK, but in Canada/the U.S., the amount of the payment is usually determined by the courts.....and it's in writing how much they must pay....so a guy can't just decide to decrease the amount because he feels like it. Do you know WHY your ex dropped the amount? You need to check into whether he has the right to do this. If the courts mandated him to pay "X" amount monthly, I wouldn't think he can just go against that and choose to pay less, without going back before the courts. You should talk to a lawyer there......to see if he's allowed to be paying less........and what can be done to stop him from paying less....because THAT seems to be the root of your problem,right? Does your b/f live with you? Is your ex perhaps p*ssed that you now have someone new in your life, and he figures that because you have a b/f, he should somehow be able to pay less? ..or assuming that maybe your b/f is living with you (or maybe he is) and figuring that you now have the financial support of your b/f and you shouldn't need as much from him? Don't let him get away with paying less. Talk to a lawyer. You are going back to school to better yourself so that you can provide well for your children and you need his payments to provide for your children......don't let him get away with slacking off......he has a financial responsibility to your children and he can't pick and choose the amount he's going to pay. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 YOU ASK: "Just wondering if anyone can give me some tips on how to overcome the fear of changing jobs?" Judging from your second post, your fear seems to be mostly based on whether or not you can manage your schedule to fit study, work, family, boyfriend and housework. I have always found that the busier I am the more I'm able to get done. It's amazing what good time management can do for a person. If you schedule yourself properly and imaginatively, not only can you do everything you need to but you can have time for rest, relaxation and the unanticipated. I don't quite know how to get you to stop worrying, but once you're in your new job and all the adjustments have been made, your anxiety level will diminish substantially...that is, if you take care to put everything in perspective, prioritize, and don't sweat the small stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisywindmill Posted June 23, 2003 Author Share Posted June 23, 2003 Justagirl, many thanks for your response. The maintenance is set in a Court Order, my solicitor made sure of this when the divorce was finalised. Before that my ex would drop the payments every few months, so this was a safe guard for myself and the children. He dropped it after Christmas by £50 which I agreed to because he said he would not do so again. He now wants to drop it by £220 as he has left the Navy and taken a lower paid job, although he still has his pension coming in each month. I have been in contact with him via email and told him that he will have to apply to the Court for a Variation Order. He emailed back (or rather his girlfriend did) and asked could we not agree out of Court. I emailed back and said no. He bought the house he and his girlfriend lives in now and also supports her two children, hence his reason for wanting to lower the payments. The other problem I have is my two boys. They are 17 and nearly 16 and they feel their father cares more about her children than them (which I fear is true) .... not sure how to deal with this, except be there for them. I never say anything bad about him to them, never have. Also, my boyfriend and I do not live together at present so he is not here to share the financial responsibilities, although he does try, bless him. So it's down to me. Tony, you are absolutely correct about good time management and I'm sure that once I get into the swing of things all will be well. Link to post Share on other sites
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