OK- told my best friend I love her- now what?

[ULTRA MONKEY]

OK- This will start like a zillion other threads but I need help! I'm a guy who is totally in love with his best (girl) friend. We've been buds for like 6 years, best friends for about 2. She was married when we first met and though I had a little crush it was no big deal. We started getting much closer as friends as she was divorcing him but I was involved with another woman so again- no biggie. But as we got closer as friends I was falling out of love with my GF and falling for this woman. About 6 months ago I told her I was totally in love with her. She gave me the dreaded 'friends' speech, and said her heart was elsewhere. Since that time we've stayed great friends and have actually fallen into bed together a few times. She has backed off of anything romantic or sexual the last month or so and has always maintained she only sees us as best buds. This is where I'll be different than all the guys who want to hear how to win her... I of course want that- but am trying to convince myself it's never going to happen. My problem here is- she really IS my best friend and I believe when she says her heart is elsewhere- it's 'with' a married man she fell for shortly after her divorce. She fell for him before knowing he was married and asked my advice when she found out while I was still involved elsewhere. I told her flat out that if he wasn't leaving his wife she deserved more and to end it. She agreed and ended it right then. That was right when we were getting closer and I think she was realizing how I felt so that was the last I've heard about him (about 18 months ago).

My dilemma is this- She knows I'm in love with her so she'll never talk about him to me, but I also care about her as my best friend. She spends virtually all her free time with me so isn't seeing anyone in the regular sense. That makes me feel she must still have feelings for him and maybe since he's married they don't have time for each other anyway so she still hangs out with me all the time. If she is pining for a married man who isn't leaving his wife- how do I help her when we can't talk about him because she knows of my love??? I'm lost for both my friend and the woman whose love I don't have but still crave! UGHHHH- ANY thoughts on any of this would be greatly appreciated!

[TotalChaos]

Hello. I feel like you have to speak your mind in this situation. She knows that she has your heart so you are her comfort zone. I think you should bring up this married man and she what she says. Afterall, you were friends first so I think this is ok to do. I understand that you love her and I'm sure you enjoy every minute that you spend with each other, but I'm concerned about your heart and feelings. This has got to be terrible on you. I say you speak your mind and see what kind of reaction you get. If it's not the one you are hoping for then I would try to distance myself from her. If not, then I think you will end up feeling used.

[jaslene2009]

I agree with totalchaos. You need to express your concerns to your friend. If she still thinks that you guys should be friends and not lovers, I would suggest you move on in the position. Please don't give her adviced about her love affairs unless you can handle hearing the good and the bad. For the record; she is going to do what she wants to do regardless of what you think. So, look out for you on this one and find out where you stand.

OK- This will start like a zillion other threads but I need help! I'

m

a guy who is totally in love with his best (girl) friend. We've been buds for like 6 years, best friends for about 2. She was married when we first met and though I had a little crush it was no big deal. We started getting much closer as friends as she was divorcing him but I was involved with another woman

so

again- no biggie. But as we got closer as friends I was falling out of love with my

GF

and falling for this woman. About 6 months ago I told her I was totally in love with her. She gave me the dreaded 'friends' speech, and said her heart was elsewhere. Since that time we've stayed great friends and have actually fallen into bed together a few times. She has backed off of anything romantic or sexual the last month or

so

and has always maintained she only sees us as best buds. This is where I'll be different than all the guys who want to hear how to win her... I of course want that- but am trying to convince myself it's never going to happen. My problem here is- she really IS my best friend and I believe when she says her heart is elsewhere- it's 'with' a married man she fell for shortly after her divorce. She fell for him before knowing he was married and asked my advice when she found out while I was still involved elsewhere. I told her flat out that if he wasn't leaving his wife she deserved more and to end it. She agreed and ended it right then. That was right when we were getting closer and I think she was realizing how I felt

so

that was the last I've heard about him (about 18 months ago).

My dilemma is this- She knows I'

m

in love with her

so

she'll never talk about him to me, but I also care about her as my best friend. She spends virtually all her free time with me

so

isn't seeing anyone in the regular sense. That makes me feel she must still have feelings for him and maybe since he's married they don't have time for each other anyway

so

she still hangs out with me all the time. If she is pining for a married man who isn't leaving his wife- how do I help her when we can't talk about him because she knows of my love??? I'

m

lost for both my friend and the woman whose love I don't have but still crave! UGHHHH- ANY thoughts on any of this would be greatly appreciated!