Why do I keep meeting clingy, needy guys?

[Just A Girl2]

Some might recall my past posts from several months ago, about the guy I was dating then who was very needy and clingy, wanted to spend every free minute together, I never had ANY time to myself (to do mundane but necessary things like weekend housework/laundry/shopping) because he felt that because we didn't see each other during the week (due to our work schedules) that we should spend every waking minute together from Friday afternoon until Sunday at midnight. He was the lovey dovey mushy "Can I have a smoochie" dude. He drove me nuts. He was telling me after a month that he'd fallen in love with me, wished time would pass more quickly so we could just 'get married' etc. Despite breaking up with him twice because he was just too pushy, too gungho, that was just the way he was.

 

Well, it seems I may have met (not in person yet) his distant cousin (being sarcastic here).

 

2 weeks ago, I received a really nice letter/response to my personal ad at the Singles Site I go to. This guy put a lot of thought and effort into it; perfect spelling and grammar, too! LOL

 

So we've talked on the phone several times but haven't yet met mostly because deep down, I almost have reservations about being with someone again....that whole thing about having no time to myself, them being clingy and wanting to spend every minute together, me feeling smothered, etc.

 

I'm not really one for talking on the phone (for more than a few minutes) during the week. I bust my arse all day at work, come home and am exhausted, have to deal with my diabetic cat, and before long, get ready for bed as I have to be up in the middle of the night (2:30am) and then again at 5:00am (related to my diabetic cat)........When I get home from work, I've talked with a zillion people all day...I just want to come home and have some peace and quiet, watch the news and regroup.

 

This guy called me Tuesday evening and we talked for a couple of hours, don't ask me why.....I should have been getting ready for bed but I didn't want to be rude.

 

Then he called Wednesday night.

 

And Thursday night. I just ignored his calls. Starting to feel smothered again. Of course if I dont' answer, he emails me right away.

 

Friday night I was totally bagged when I got home from work.....It was a very long busy day and it took all I had to stay awake there at 6pm. I just wanted to relax and have some unwind-time. He phoned about 5 times that night. What the f*ck is the point of that? I have voicemail. If you call, leave a msg...Ill get back to ya when I can. If he'd have just called once and left a msg, I would have called back...but because he kept phoning, that p*ssed me off. I have voicemail for a reason. I hate being pestered.

 

Well Saturday morning at 9am, he's calling again. I don't answer because I was up at 5am with my cat, and decided to go back to sleep for a couple of hours........so of course, like clockwork, he leaves me an email telling me he'll call again at noon. Frig. Now I'm starting to get p*ssed off from being hounded. I really get my back up and become stubborn when I feel someone is smothering me or pressuring me.

 

He calls at 12 noon right on the dot...almost like he was sitting there at home waiting for the big hand to be on the twelve, and the little hand to be on the twelve (geeeeez). Almost like he has no life. Yes, we did say last weekend that we could meet in person this weekend, but frig, get off my ass and give me some space.

 

So in the afternoon, I get this big long email ......and as I sat and read it, I was shocked at the content. This guy's talking about maybe getting married or living together one day. WTF? *shaking head* We have not even MET YET and already he's got the wheels turning in his mind. What, he's seen my picture and thinks I'm funny to talk to on the phone, so because of that he thinks I might be his soulmate? OMG! Well if anything, that email caused me to want even MORE to just blow him off because he seems far too intense and I'm afraid to meet him now because like the last bozo, he'll want to be picking out wedding invitations on our 3rd date. I don't have time in my life right now for feeling smothered.

 

We do have a lot of things in common, he's very attractive according to his picture......he seems like a very good person and a similar personality to mine.....but damn, he seems desperate now. I'm afraid to meet him because I dont' want to feel like I could be leading him on.

 

Don't these winners realize that coming on too strong and being so clingy and pushy and not giving a woman some freaking space in the beginning is a DEATH SENTENCE for any possible relationship?

 

I would rather be single and end up a lonely, decrepid old maid than to be with someone who is so needy and insecure and constantly kissing my arse. I don't mean to sound conceited here, but I like a man who's a bit of a challenge.....who has somewhat of a life, such that he doesn't have all his free time to sit and phone and email me.

 

Here are some excerpts from his email:

 

 

I also got to thinking how you might just be the "one". Ms Right. How

you might be the one that makes me want to get married. My mind starting

working overtime. My "analytical" side started to kick in too I guess. I was

thinking that if we were ever to get married or live together then I should

get you to teach me how to give Taco his shots so you might be able to sleep

in sometime. Just little things like that I was thinking. I also really

respect that fact that you opened yourself up to me and told me some very

personal things about yourself. I know you didn't have to. I was touched

that you felt you could do that with me. I wasn't expecting to get married

right away either. I was hoping to at least meet you. Maybe it's me being

too sensitive this time. I don't know. I just really thought it would work

between us. Did something make you change your mind about us?

 

 

What is this "US" sh*t? We haven't even MET YET, how can there be an "US"? *rolling eyes*

 

 

 

I know you are a little cynical about the dating "scene". Are you

worried that things won't work out between us and you will get hurt? I am

not here to waste your time or play games with you. I sense that maybe you

feel that if we were to get together that all of a sudden I would change and

be totally opposite of what I am. Is that what you are feeling? I hope not.

 

I was hoping that we could at least give this a try between us. You

never know, maybe we are "soulmates". Maybe we were meant to be together. I

wish I had the answers.

 

 

Now we have the "we have a good life/pity party speech":

 

I will assume that if you don't reply to this email or call me that it

is over between us. If it is could you at least let me know why. I just want

to say that I have never met a woman like you before. You are smart, funny,

genuine, caring, giving, thoughtful and have a huge heart. I could go on an

on. I really like you a lot. I was really hoping to meet you. If it is over

between us then I want to say that I hope you find someone who will make you

happy, someone who will cherish every day with you, never take you for

granted and someone who sees how special a person you are and how their life

is so much better with you in it. I just want to say also that I really

enjoyed talking to you the last 3 weeks. You brought a lot of joy into my

life. I will always remember you. Take care **** and all the best in life.

 

 

Holy CRAPPOLA!!!! It's either a huge pile of mush (whichI'm not into, especially from someone who really doesn't know me/hasn't even MET ME IN PERSON), or a huge steaming pile of sh*t.

 

I have to question any man who could be so smitten with me this quickly, when he's not even met me in person........or am I just far too cynical?

 

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest because dammit, this is just out to lunch. Oh and did I mention that he had the balls to call last night at 11pm? (I had previously emailed him, told him I was catching up on my sleep, then had lots of stuff to do around the house during the day, would get back to him when I was free).

 

Thanks

[clia]

I have to question any man who could be so smitten with me this quickly, when he's not even met me in person........or am I just far too cynical?

 

I don't think you are being cynical at all. He sounds completely desperate to be calling so much at this stage. I would be competely turned off, too. It's one thing to exchange a couple phone calls before meeting in person, but what he has done is really excessive.

 

On one hand it's certainly got to be flattering to have a guy so smitten so soon, but on the other hand, he hasn't even met you in person! He's totally got the fantasy relationship going on in his head. Either that or he's one of John Gray's famous blowtorchers.

 

I think I'd just not reply to his e-mail and ignore his calls until he gets the picture. Or, send him a short e-mail that politely and honestly tells him you are already feeling smothered, so the two of you don't seem to be a match. I mean, if he's this bad before he's even met you, imagine the possibilities of how he could be a few months down the line...EEK!

[RogueK]

This makes me kind of sad. I wonder what types of things have happened to him to make him feel this way. Of course a relationship with him is COMPLETELY out of the question and my advise of course is to stay clear from this type as much as possible.

 

It's just that i'm going through the loss of my love and feel all alone and wonder how someone could do that to themselves when they meet someone. I mean there are obviously no guarentees in life and it sounds like he's looking for one somehow, that if he just jumps into it then you'll feel the same way. The unfortunate thing is he'll never find happiness untill he is happy with himself and being alone with himself first, and untill that day he's just going to drive everyone he meets nuts.

 

Good luck with the dating. I'm afraid my hopes for my relationship aren't going to pan out so i'll be back out there myself.

 

Do those E-date things ever work out?

[Just A Girl2]

Hello! :-)

 

Truthfully, maybe I should be, but I'm anything but flattered. There's nothing flattering about being hounded by a cling-on LOLOL.

 

I have to seriously question the thought processes and understanding of the concept of relationships, of anyone who gets so dang gung-ho this early on.....before we've even met in person for god's sake. Have they never really dated much?, therefore being the type to fall in love overnight over the first person who shows them some interest? It's really quite yucky, and off-putting. It makes me think he's just really desperate. I could be the biggest b*tch on wheels.....I could have given him a fake picture.....I could be the biggest BS artist out there, totally misrepresenting myself to him.........(of course I'm not), but already he trusts me totally and is so smitten?

 

The dude from this winter was this way, that stalker-type dude I recently wrote about was this way,now this guy. God, arent' there any guys who are a happy medium between being a pussy-whipped cling-on and a guy who plays so hard to get/is so unreachable that you never know what they're thinking/feeling? I just want someone normal. Is that too much to ask? LOLOLOL I don't ever recall having this problem in my younger years..hell, even 5 yrs ago. Is it because I have changed, or is it because there are more cling-ons on the market?

[midori]

Clia: what's a blowtorcher? Not up on the John Gray terminology.

 

JAG2: One word -- yikes. Here's another: desperate. And another: deluded. Utterly deluded.

 

If I were you I would not reply to the email. Cease all communication with this guy. He's not going to understand that his behavior is that of a Grade A Freak; he'll keep trying to engage you in conversation, to demonstrate that he's not a weirdo... etc. Pointless and increasingly annoying. He's probably the kind of guy who laments that "women don't like nice guys."

 

I've done on-line dating and in my experience guys whose initial messages are too well-thought out, who seem to be very careful about giving the right impression, etc. are guys who have too much invested in the process. Guys who are busy and have lives of their own already in place, who view the on-line thing as just one source of social opportunity are generally more balanced. They don't email you back right away (but don't blow you off either), they don't memorize every detail of your profile and ask carefully composed relevant questions (they ask more general things). They tell jokes and seem a little more relaxed about the whole thing. Those are the ones I correspond with... the others, I've learned, are waaay to desperate.

[Tony T]

This is such a no brainer. You well know what to do here.

 

I don't think it's nice to reprint private email on a public forum but that's my personal opinion and I do not wish a debate. If it helped you to publish it, bless you.

[clia]

Clia: what's a blowtorcher? Not up on the John Gray terminology.

 

These are the guys who think you are the best thing since sliced bread when they first meet you. They come on really strong, call often, want to see you all the time, etc., basically "blowtorching." This often occurs when they are physically attracted to you, and they think you are so wonderful, but really they don't know you at all. They often get caught up in all kinds of future talk when it is much to early to be having those kinds of talks.

 

However, eventually reality sets in and they are no longer caught up in the fantasy, and they inevitably poof. The girl is left wondering WTF happened? This guy was really into me! But alas, he is gone. This type of guy may also be turned on by the thrill of the chase, or the beginning stages of the relationship.

 

My friends and I also refer to them as the "90 day wonders."

[BadMan]

I'm sure you can do much better.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Clia!

 

Wonderful analogy! I'm still chuckling at your post!

 

 

And girl, you attract these kind of men because you are obviously a strong, independent and intelligent woman. That part of themselves they are obviously missing. There is a lot of truth in the old saying: "opposites attract."

[zman]

What I'm wondering is why you gave this guy your phone number and personal email so quickly, before getting a chance to know him. With most of these on line dating sites, you can carry on an email conversation without giving away each others real emails or phone numbers. Given your stated desire to screen away clingy and needy guys, I would think you would wait a while before giving away phone numbers and emails.

 

Maybe part of you wants to have a clingy and needy guy after you, because its flattering and gives you attention, and it keeps you from having to actually deal with and get involved with a real relationship with a normal person. Since all the guys you meet are overly clingy and needy, you have a convenient excuse to avoid going out to meet normal guys who aren't like this, and a cover for your own insecurities you don't want to face up to.

 

Just my two cents, maybe I'm way off base.

[moimeme]

I agree that strong women attract insecure, clingy men. Sometimes that makes a perfect mix. I have an old school friend who's real feisty and she married a guy who'll do anything she asks (I mean more than being nice; more like being a doormat).

 

However, if it isn't your dream to have that kind of a relationship, then you have to understand that you will probably attract more than your share of this sort of guy.

 

I also agree about giving out your number. I recall warning you about your previous clingers and stalkers - you've invited them to your place within a few days. You really should be more careful; it is not impossible to end up with a genuine stalker but despite your bad experiences so far, I'm not seeing any signs that you've learned to be more cautious.

[Just A Girl2]

Moimeme:

it is not impossible to end up with a genuine stalker but despite your bad experiences so far, I'm not seeing any signs that you've learned to be more cautious.

 

how is that, exactly? Hate to break it to ya, maybe you've never used online personals before, but the vast majority of men and women *don't* email for months on end. Most email a bit, then talk on the phone a couple of times, then meet in person as soon as possible (both feel comfortable) to avoid potentially wasting time with the wrong person. If anything, by most standards, I'm much more cautious than most and wait much longer to meet in person.

 

I don't give out my home number, per se....If I want to talk on the phone, I let the guy give me HIS number..so I can get a better feel. Believe it or not, you CAN tell a fair bit about someone's personality by talking on the phone. If I feel like giving them my #, I give them my fax line #...which isn't listed in any way, shape or form.

 

Zman:

 

What I'm wondering is why you gave this guy your phone number and personal email so quickly, before getting a chance to know him. With most of these on line dating sites, you can carry on an email conversation without giving away each others real emails or phone numbers.

 

See above re: phone number. As per emailing through the system, it "costs" credits ($$$) each time you send a letter to someone on this particular system. Why would I continue to "pay" to correspond with someone who's initially contacted me? The chat feature there costs, too...and is as slow as a dinosaur....

 

And how, prey tell, do you "get to know someone" through online correspondence? I don't know if you're really familiar with this way of meeting someone, but talking on the phone is a lot better way to get to know someone. Anybody can be the biggest BS artist and have a real dazzling way with words.....and can spend hours composing the most "impressive" email.......misrespresenting themself all the while. When talking on the phone, there's no chance for them to rehearse......things have to move pretty spontaneously when you're asking questions about one another (however, I will admit that a good # of questions have been exchanged prior to talking on the phone)....if there's big lulls in their responses or they seem as dumb as a post.....well let's just say that "talking" is more "in real life" than writing back and forth. I've met real charmers who were as articulate as the day is lone, via email......could really write up a storm....but when you talked to them on the phone, it was awkward and like talking to 'someone else'.......

 

Given your stated desire to screen away clingy and needy guys, I would think you would wait a while before giving away phone numbers and emails.

 

How is "waiting" going to help to screen out the needy guys? How do you initially correspond if you don't at least email back and forth? LOL

 

Better to find out off the bat that someone's needy and clingy and desperate and needing "too badly" to have someone in their life...then weeks down the line, after you've already spent time and energy getting to know them. I'd prefer to cut my losses as early as possible. Who wouldn't?

 

Maybe part of you wants to have a clingy and needy guy after you, because its flattering and gives you attention, and it keeps you from having to actually deal with and get involved with a real relationship with a normal person. Since all the guys you meet are overly clingy and needy, you have a convenient excuse to avoid going out to meet normal guys who aren't like this, and a cover for your own insecurities you don't want to face up to.

 

Excuse me? LOL Flattering? Gives me attention? Hun, I don't *need attention* to feel good about myself. I'd rather be single and alone for the rest of my life than be with a cling-on just for the sake of having someone. Hello.

 

Getting involved in a "real relationshop with a normal person"? Well let's see now.....seeing how I work in a management-type position at a place where management is forbidden from dating "employees", that cuts out my chances of meeting someone through work (a place I spend 5 long days a week...the majority of my time). My coworkers are all older women, for the most part, who are married with grown children and grandchildren....and aren't exactly "in the loop" on introducing me to quality single men.

 

I don't "do" the bar/club/meat market scene......and actually don't have a lot of free time in a week. I live in a tiny town that I moved to a year ago, where I didn't know a soul when I moved here.....(I work in the city).....so I don't have a lot of 'contacts' here...I don't exactly hang out at the local Safeway trying to bump my shopping cart into the cart of an 'apparent single guy.'

 

So how else would i meet someone? I consider myself "normal" so why wouldn't there be other "normal" men out there on these systems....who for various understandable reasons have limited abilities to meet quality single people? I know many men who work in a male-dominated industry/profession....who put in 16 hr days and don't have the time to go out looking for someone. They're also not into picking someone up at a club. All their friends and coworkers are married with children.....so making 'single contacts' isn't that easy.

 

How does one know what a "normal guy" is until you've taken the time to get to know him? Do you think "normal guys" walk around with signs on their back indicating they're "normal"? LOL

 

Anyone who knows me here will know that I'm completely turned off by passive, pussy-whipped, clingy, desperate, spineless doormat-type men. In fact, I can't respect anyone who's this way, because I can't relate to them at all. I want a man who's a man, not a mouse. I dont' want to be someone's mother, babysitter, therapist...I want an equal; a partner.

 

Yeah, no worries..but you're really quite off base here. That's okay, though :-)

[jessicakicksbut]

RogueK asked:

 

 

Do those E-date things ever work out?

 

 

Yes, they do. I know 4 couples who married those they met on-line, and are still married. Also, it has worked for me, I met my fiance on-line through an internet personal site because I do not have many available YOUNG male co-workers, hate bars and drinking in general, and not into loitering places of business to find a man. It seems like every guy who was interested in my who I met without the assistance of the internet were actually the worst I dated...go figure!

 

As for you meeting all kinds of clingy, needy guys JAG, I don't think it is anything you are doing personally. The only thing I can think of is that maybe you come across as too "comforting and helpful", almost as a counselor who will help these men to boost their self-esteem, self-worth, and find help to ease their insecurities. I have a friend who often finds needy, clingy guys, and I feel the reason is her "helpful" way that she has about herself. She is a psychologist for a living, although she won't tell these guys right away what she does, I think those with problems cling to her because she indirectly helps them since it is in her nature. As for yourself, you have given many people on this site truthful and honest advice, so I am guessing it is in your nature to be this way, and these guys you are finding with psychological problems may sense this in you and cling to you as a result. If I am totally off-base about this, maybe you are just having a really long string of bad luck?

[zman]

JAG2,

 

It seems to me that one ought to be able to screen out clingy and needy guys via emailing 5-7 email messages back and forth, but maybe I'm wrong.

 

I would suggest that you switch online dating services to one that doesn't cost per email sent. Match dot com and Yahoo dot com don't cost anything per email. And they've upgraded now to where you can search for local people and get more specific about things in common, etc.

 

You said you recently moved to a small town where there are few single guys, and you commute to the city. Why? Why don't you move to where all the single people live in this metro area? Every city has at least one "cool" part of town where the single people live and play.

 

My main point is that, it is within your control to meet the kind of people you want to meet, and avoid the people you don't want to meet. You should be an expert by now at spotting clingy and needy guys from a mile away, via email with your eyes closed and both hands tied behind your back. Yet you suggest that this is all out of your control, and you are powerless to find any kind of guy other than the clingy and needy type. Sorry, I'm not buying it. The queen doth protest too much.

[zman]

A few ideas on where to meet guys that aren't clingy and needy:

 

1. The gym. Join one if you don't already belong.

2. Go on a few Sierra Club hikes or hikes sponsored by some other hiking or outdoors club.

3. The park. Walk your dog to the park and meet guys that have dogs. If you don't have a dog walk to the park anyways and start up conversations with dogs who are attached to good looking guys.

4. Volunteer for a political campaign or your favorite cause.

5. Parties thrown by single people. Make friends, both male and female, with people you meet doing the above activities. Get invited to their parties and events.

 

Everyone works 50-60 hours per week so your work schedule doesn't sound all that out of the ordinary. It's tough, but it's the career you've chosen. Make time for some of the extra-cirricular activities I've mentioned above. Good luck!

[moimeme]

JustA

 

I have done online dating. Here's what I learned: people who are unhappy with themselves will be very skilled at hiding their faults and flaws. More importantly, people with serious faults and flaws (and I mean things like alcoholism and violence) are quite often either completely un self-aware or else they have themselves deluded and therefore are able to deceive you about the true nature of their characters. The only way to know someone is time - a LOT of it. Minimum six months.

 

People can be untruthful on the phone and in person so neither of those methods of meeting guarantees honesty. If a person is consciously lying, you may be perceptive enough to pick it up, but people who are not consciously deceptive can cause an awful lot of trouble. Case in point, a man I had to leave because of violence had written a very eloquent letter to an editor (which was published) condemning violence against women! He was in complete denial about his own problem with this issue.

 

As for you, I based my opinion of how you're interacting on your earlier dates; you had invited a stranger to your home within a couple of weeks despite many warnings. He turned out to be a problem as you have attested. One hopes you at least no longer invite strangers to your home until you have spent a lot of time with them. It's good that you are cautious with phone calls, but unless you have the phone call block option on your phone, they can get your number if you call them. Calling out on your fax line is wise; if the guy calls back, the shriek in his ear will persuade him not to do so again.

 

In my opinion, and it's only my opinion, if the online honey does not have any longtime friends and/or has not held any job for more than a year and/or does not have family that you can meet, I'd be extra careful. You can learn a lot about someone by seeing him or her with family and friends so if you possibly can, try to find fellows with some sort of longtime associations.

People who keep friends for years or whose families are close and loving or who are well-liked by coworkers can be better bets than people without those sorts of ties; it shows they are capable of loyalty and that they have personal qualities which draw others to them.

 

Jessica - you are so right! I have been a lifetime informal advisor and counselor to friends at their initiation and fellows with major issues needing major help zero in on me like flies to honey - even online!

[Just A Girl2]

You said you recently moved to a small town where there are few single guys, and you commute to the city. Why? Why don't you move to where all the single people live in this metro area? Every city has at least one "cool" part of town where the single people live and play.

 

Um, well I bought a really nice new home here over a year ago..and moved here specifically for this home. I'm surely not about to just up and sell my home so that I can live in the city. And to live in the areas you suggest, well unless you've got $400,000 to lend me, I think I'll stay here.

 

And no, you can't necessarily tell if someone's clingy/needy through brief emails. Most men don't write a whole lot....just the basics, so you can't really tell all that much about them this way. Their clinginess generally doesn't become apparent until a) you begin speaking on the phone or b) you meet in person and they immediately think you're on the road to marriage after the second date.

 

Thanks for your suggestions on how to meet someone but in all honesty, I'm not intently searching for anyone right now. I have a lot of other things going on in my life right now other than work and if I meet someone I click with, great...if not, oh well. My post really wasn't about frustration in not being able to meet someone who's right for me.....it was simply to do with the seemingly strange high # of clingy guys in this age group....just don't remember ever having this problem even 5 yrs ago.

 

Again, I don't see what the difference is between mailing someone back and forth on the 'system' or doing it via an off-site email address. You really can't ever know someone very well until you spend time with them in person......have conversations with them face to face about wide variety of topics........it mostly just takes time. I don't lose any sleep about these dingdongs I meet.......I'm just sort of shocked is all. I always thought it was women who were collectively thought to be more 'needy' and clingy.....and wanting to spend every waking minute with a guy......not the other way around. Most guys I've dated prior to these past couple of years have been the opposite extreme......

 

I see nothing at all wrong with using internet personals to get to know people. In a lot of ways, it does help to weed out those you have little in common with..and provides the ability to better narrow-down the kind of person you're looking to meet (eg..if they have kids/want kids/religious background/marital status/height/body type/what kind of relationship they're seeking, etc).

 

JAG2

[Paul]

Originally posted by Just A Girl2

Um, well I bought a really nice new home here over a year ago..and moved here specifically for this home. I'm surely not about to just up and sell my home so that I can live in the city. And to live in the areas you suggest, well unless you've got $400,000 to lend me, I think I'll stay here.

 

I heard it was the backyard view that really sealed the deal!

[zman]

Originally posted by Just A Girl2

 

Thanks for your suggestions on how to meet someone but in all honesty, I'm not intently searching for anyone right now. I have a lot of other things going on in my life right now other than work and if I meet someone I click with, great...if not, oh well. My post really wasn't about frustration in not being able to meet someone who's right for me.....it was simply to do with the seemingly strange high # of clingy guys in this age group....just don't remember ever having this problem even 5 yrs ago.

 

 

Yeah, you're not really interested in searching for anyone right now. You're just signed up for an online dating service, and complaining about needy guys here on this site. Maybe if all the guys you meet weren't clingy you would be more interested in meeting guys.

 

I think you're right that the percentage of needy guys rises as the age group gets older. All the super healthy people with no emotional issues get married in their early to mid 20's. But there are still a lot of good people out there. I feel your pain, single life and trying to find good people isn't all that easy. You just have to stay active and out there and keep plugging away. If you really want to meet people you will re-arrange your schedule in order to make it more of a priority. If you don't want to do that, then don't compalin about it. It's your choice.

[Just A Girl2]

Hey now,

In Bubba's defense, he's been on his best behavior for the past 2 weekends.....myself and apparently 3 other neighbors called the RCMP and Municipal Enforcement (bylaw officers) on him 3 weekends ago......He and his pals were up til 3am drinking and partying and making lotsa noise. He's been warned big time, apparently...and a second complaint he gets a hefty fine and can be charged. That seemed to quiet him and the neighbor to the left of him pretty darn good.

 

And since I got the modifications made to my deck, I can't even see him, nor can he see me....so no more flashing!

 

Other than him, it's a really nice home and I've put a lot of work into it, from a decorating perspective.......and since buying it last year, it's already gone up in value by $35,000 which is fantastic. This town is really booming and everyone from the city is moving here because it's quieter but still so close to the city. I've had 2 realtors call over the past couple of weeks to ask if I'd be interested in selling...same with a few other neighbors on my street. I plan to hold onto it for at least another year or 2... I think I'll make a killing when I sell it then. :-)

[solitasviator]

All i have to say is he does sound desperate and he does sound more than a bit obsessed, he proably has self esteem problems. Anyways you were right to be heisitant. But not returning his phone calls probably wasnt the best idea, you should have been straightforward and honest. not only would it have probably kept him from calling you again but it would not have left him in limbo wondering what the heck is going on. Speaking from experience, it frustrating when all the sudden a women just stops talking to you and doesnt tell you why or doesnt clearly communicate her response to you interest. As ridiculous and clingy / obsessed his actions were that dosnt mean you can act without his feelings in mind. trust me being amibigous always hurts more then honesty.

[monkey00]

oh god ....BARFF

 

reading those emails almost made me wanting to puke

those emails are so freakin mushy and very pussylike

 

yep after reading your post, it sounds to me like those guys are very desperate...

gladly i dont have any friends that are like that, one of them may be desperate...but he wont be consistent like they are...

 

hm..consistent..maybe a freak..who knows...or a stalker/rapist...obsession...

i can see why they dont do well w/women at all, theyre toooo clingy..