bama_girl Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Okay..here goes..I am engaged to a great guy. I love him with all of my heart and we are getting married soon. We will have been together two years this june. But right when we got back together(we had dated previously) I cheated on him a few times. With dead beat guys that treated me awful and had no respect for me whatsoever. Our relationship was okay..I mean we were together but def. did not have the relationship we have with each other now. We are so much closer and we finally opened up with each other. It has been almost a year since I did cheat and I am scared to tell him. I do not want to. He is the jealous type who cannot control his anger and I know that he would be so torn up and would def. want to hurt these guys. I regret it more than anything and would take it back in a heartbeat. I will/would never cheat on him now because we have an amazing relationship. What should I do? Do you think that it has been long enough to just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 (edited) Okay..here goes..I am engaged to a great guy. I love him with all of my heart and we are getting married soon. We will have been together two years this june. But right when we got back together(we had dated previously) I cheated on him a few times. With dead beat guys that treated me awful and had no respect for me whatsoever. Our relationship was okay..I mean we were together but def. did not have the relationship we have with each other now. We are so much closer and we finally opened up with each other. It has been almost a year since I did cheat and I am scared to tell him. I do not want to. He is the jealous type who cannot control his anger and I know that he would be so torn up and would def. want to hurt these guys. I regret it more than anything and would take it back in a heartbeat. I will/would never cheat on him now because we have an amazing relationship. What should I do? Do you think that it has been long enough to just let it go? If I was your fiancé, I would want to know and I can only hope that a person that loves me will have the decency to be at least honest with me. Being made a fool of and then being forced to life my life based on lies without ever knowing it, is my worst nightmare. I haven't been in that situation but I think that if he ever finds out after you got married, it will only be worse. In case he might actually be prone to do something stupid, you could ask friends to wait nearby (without actually telling them why exactly you need their help) when telling him so they can stop him if he really can't control his anger. Edited January 26, 2008 by Stockalone Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I'm just wondering what made you suddenly grow a conscience now? You said you cheated on him repeatedly (which means back then you didn't give a **** about what you were doing to him) so why do you suddenly feel the need to confess and be absolved? Then you say this: I will/would never cheat on him now because we have an amazing relationship. does this mean that once your relationship faces a few bumps in the road later, you'll consider doing it again? As for your question about telling him or not. Well if you are going to, you need to be prepared for the big possibility that he will call the wedding off and not want any kind of relationship with you (which is what I would do if it was me), so is that something you can handle? On the other hand, you're facing the guilt of starting something new with him where he doesn't know all tha happened in the past, so that is tough. Truthfully, I think the descent thing to do is to tell him, I would want to know and then choose if I want to be with a cheating partner **The following is what I think would be the less messy solution (but I probably wouldn't be able to do it**) The smarter thing to do is not to tell him, all it will do is set your relationship back - if not end it. So if you truly believe that it was a few stupid mistakes and you really wont do it, maybe what he doesn't know wont hurt him. But be sure that he wont find out at any later time - because that would be so much more hurtful than knowing at a time when he could have just backed out of a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
THE THRONE Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Tell him now. If you get married and this comes out its going to be really bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 What should I do? Do you think that it has been long enough to just let it go? Simple. If you love him and want a future with him. Tell the truth, only basic details. If you don't love him... then continue to lie. Thinking that he will go hurt somebody is just an excuse to take the easy way out and lie. You made this mistake... that means you need to take the steps to fix it! Link to post Share on other sites
Grimreaper Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 The best thing would be to tell him the truth and ask him to forgive you and tell him that your feeling are only for him. what happened in the past was a mistake and that you would never do it again.. My girl did the same with, she cheated on me once before and told me about it after 6 months. We had a huge fight over it for a few hours but at the end the fight wasnt worth it because we knew we loved each other a lot. p.s Im also one of those jealous type who gets pissed of really fast when it comes to my girl. but god damn I love her! Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Two points I want to speak on. The first, is that he deserves to know what has happened. And others have said if you don't and it comes out in the marriage it will be even worse than telling him now. Wouldn't you want him to tell you if the tables were turned? And the other point is you say you wouldn't cheat on him ever again as the relationship is wonderful. Ask yourself, does this mean if the relationship sours during marriage you'll be tempted to go cheat again? Link to post Share on other sites
Grimreaper Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Two points I want to speak on. The first, is that he deserves to know what has happened. And others have said if you don't and it comes out in the marriage it will be even worse than telling him now. Wouldn't you want him to tell you if the tables were turned? And the other point is you say you wouldn't cheat on him ever again as the relationship is wonderful. Ask yourself, does this mean if the relationship sours during marriage you'll be tempted to go cheat again? exactly!! do it now, before its too late. Link to post Share on other sites
backspn Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 My girl did the same with, she cheated on me once before and told me about it after 6 months Hopefully Bama it has been only a few days or weeks since you got back together. 6 months would be too long for me to forgive. I got married when I was 28 and my wife cheated on me and didnt tell me for a year. It was too late for me then. Link to post Share on other sites
littleofal Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 and let him decide i think my wife was cheating during her courting and kept it up during the marriage it may have stopped but i believe she is reed hot agian now and it has been 18 years in total i am devastated can you stop ask yourself that dont put him thro what i am hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
Author bama_girl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 It has over a year since I cheated..so it has been a long time ago. I'm not sure why it is bothering me so much now. I just don't know what to do. If it was me, I wouldn't want to know. That is just how I am. Something that happened that long ago..wouldn't matter now to me if our relationship has improved. Plus I was only 19 at the time when it happened..and I will soon be 21..I was young and didn't think the relationship was going to actually work this time..turns out I was wrong. I don't think i'm going to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Grimreaper Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 It has over a year since I cheated..so it has been a long time ago. I'm not sure why it is bothering me so much now. I just don't know what to do. If it was me, I wouldn't want to know. That is just how I am. Something that happened that long ago..wouldn't matter now to me if our relationship has improved. Plus I was only 19 at the time when it happened..and I will soon be 21..I was young and didn't think the relationship was going to actually work this time..turns out I was wrong. I don't think i'm going to tell him. that will be the biggest mistake that you would make ever ever!! If you truly do love this guy and he truly loves you then you should be dead honest with him,,, Tell him exactly what happened and that you were really young and didnt know what you were doing, that would be the right thing to do for the both of you. If he was to find out this from someone else it would destroy him. It allmost destroyed me, I had to find out from someone else that my girl cheated on me, And even after I did she refused it and asked me to belive her and told me that if I truly loved her that I should belive her, Me being a dumb Fck belived her and 6 months latter she told me the truth. Imagine how bad did it hit me?? Can you even think about it ?? Sit down the both of you and make sure that both of u are in a good mode and then let it out and be honest.. hope it works out for you, ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bama_girl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 Oh I just don't know what to do. If I were to tell him, it would destroy everything. His parents bought us a house, it would hurt him soo much..maybe what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Because I would never honestly ever think about doing it again. I would just have to live with the guilt and regret..and trust me..it is tearing me up inside. It is all I think about 24/7. This is the first real relationship I have ever had..I was in a couple other ones that lasted maybe a few days or a month..and two of those consisted of me getting cheated on, lied to, used, and nothing good ever came out of it. So I went into this relationship thinking that i would just be a few months like it was the last time we dated and I think that is why I continued to do what I did. I was in college..I was young..and stupid..and now I just feel like **** and worthless. The one good thing I have in my life, I manage to f**k it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Either you enter a marriage based on mutual respect and honesty or enter a marriage based on disrespect and dishonesty. The choice is yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bama_girl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 And I did not cheat because things were rough in the relationship..or because they weren't working out..we never fought in the beginning..things were okay..we just weren't very close, and we did good to talk to each other once a day. We maybe saw each other once a week for the first few months. That is how it was the first time we starting dating so I just assumed that the second time around would be the same. So I still ran around and did these awful things..finally I starting to see that we starting talking more/spending more time with each other and I stopped doing what I was doing..then we started to open up with each other and become close..next thing we were engaged..and now we are getting married. I just need to find a way to get this out of my mind because I cannot find it within myself to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Oh I just don't know what to do. If I were to tell him, it would destroy everything. His parents bought us a house, it would hurt him soo much..maybe what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Because I would never honestly ever think about doing it again. I would just have to live with the guilt and regret..and trust me..it is tearing me up inside. It is all I think about 24/7. This is the first real relationship I have ever had..I was in a couple other ones that lasted maybe a few days or a month..and two of those consisted of me getting cheated on, lied to, used, and nothing good ever came out of it. So I went into this relationship thinking that i would just be a few months like it was the last time we dated and I think that is why I continued to do what I did. I was in college..I was young..and stupid..and now I just feel like **** and worthless. The one good thing I have in my life, I manage to f**k it up. This feeling will never go away! It will slowly eat away at your soul if you try to lock it up! I know this because your here... some people can walk away like it was nothing and just move on. I sense your a better person than that. You may not want to know... but the question is... would your fiance also not want to know? Do you really love this guy? Is allowing him to enter into a marriage under false pretenses a loving thing to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bama_girl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 I do love him..he is the only one I have ever loved. I'm not sure if he would want to know..maybe if I was still doing it..but since it has been so long ago i'm not sure.. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 I do love him..he is the only one I have ever loved. I'm not sure if he would want to know..maybe if I was still doing it..but since it has been so long ago i'm not sure.. Doesnt that just sound like an excuse? Do you think it a good idea to build your marriage on this lie? I'm not sure its a loving thing to hold this back. It sounds selfish and fearful to me. I think your a better person than all that. Link to post Share on other sites
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