hurting deeply

[Quettia]

Hello,

 

My name is quettia, [a 21 year old college student],and I was in a relationship for two months when he told me that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. I took it hard because in that short period of time I had feel in love. So then the ex-girlfriend had came back and told him that she no longer wanted him. That crushed him. Through this all he and I were still close. I was trying to help him through this hard time. So eventually we started to become close again. We pick our relationship back up. We were not offically back together but we both promised not to see other people. So for the next three months I have been trying to hook back up with him offically, however, he is afraid and it is pissing me off. About two days ago he told me that he loved me and then he just hung up the phone. I knew and understood then that he was afraid to fall in love again. I knew before then but now I understand. He told me today that he loves me but he can not be with me because he is scared. I have reassured him that I am not going anywhere but I guess that is not enough. I truly need him in my life. I can.t eat, sleep, or do my school work. He is constantly on my mind and for the past month I have been totally stressed about all of this. Now, we hardly even talk. I try to be strong and act as though I do not need him but I do it is killing me. It is like someone is driving a knife through my heart every time that I move and I can not take it I need help. How can I reassure this boy that I am not going to hurt him and get him back into my life. Our relatioship was great but the only thing that is stopping him is him being hurt. I know that he still loves me and want to be with me because I am suppose to transfer schools doing the summer and he told me not to go to far. However, I feel that I have to go far because if I do not I will never get over him. He does not have to worry about me dating any time soon because he has broken my heart to the point of no return. I can not even feel any more. I love him and no one else. I found love when I found him. HELP!!!!!!!

[R]

Quettia,

 

My heart goes out to you. Your boyfriend's feelings are torn between you and his x. It would be wiser but not easier to give him space and a chance to sort them out. Because until he does he fill never be able to commit to you.

 

R

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, My name is quettia, [a 21 year old college student],and I was in a relationship for two months when he told me that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. I took it hard because in that short period of time I had feel in love. So then the ex-girlfriend had came back and told him that she no longer wanted him. That crushed him. Through this all he and I were still close. I was trying to help him through this hard time. So eventually we started to become close again. We pick our relationship back up. We were not offically back together but we both promised not to see other people. So for the next three months I have been trying to hook back up with him offically, however, he is afraid and it is pissing me off. About two days ago he told me that he loved me and then he just hung up the phone. I knew and understood then that he was afraid to fall in love again. I knew before then but now I understand. He told me today that he loves me but he can not be with me because he is scared. I have reassured him that I am not going anywhere but I guess that is not enough. I truly need him in my life. I can.t eat, sleep, or do my school work. He is constantly on my mind and for the past month I have been totally stressed about all of this. Now, we hardly even talk. I try to be strong and act as though I do not need him but I do it is killing me. It is like someone is driving a knife through my heart every time that I move and I can not take it I need help. How can I reassure this boy that I am not going to hurt him and get him back into my life. Our relatioship was great but the only thing that is stopping him is him being hurt. I know that he still loves me and want to be with me because I am suppose to transfer schools doing the summer and he told me not to go to far. However, I feel that I have to go far because if I do not I will never get over him. He does not have to worry about me dating any time soon because he has broken my heart to the point of no return. I can not even feel any more. I love him and no one else. I found love when I found him. HELP!!!!!!!

[Been There]

I know from my own experience that a heart must heal before it can love -- and it must be free from past pain before it can open up to love someone new. Unfortunately, he's not there right now, and only time -- not your actions -- can bring him there. I don't know how long he and his ex went out, but I know that it can take a long time to get over someone. My biggest hesitation with getting to know someone after they've been seriously involved with someone else is that the person goes through a lot of changes when they heal, and sometimes they don't really know themselves and they have to learn how to "redefine" who they are outside the relationship they were in. I simply wouldn't trust anyone's feelings when they are torn between two people.

 

I don't know, but if I were in your position it would really hurt me too much to stay involved. He's probably not capable of loving anyone else right now while he's still hurting, and if you expect him to, I fear you might be disappointed. By wanting him to love you, he might feel upset that he's incapable of doing so right now, and that pressure might interfere with the natural and necessary process of his grieving a past love. I think the biggest question is whether being with this man is good for him and good for you. It sounds to me like he needs to be alone to sort things out, and you need to let him go. There's really nothing your actions can do at this point. If he knows how you feel, then letting go is the only option. Maybe when time heals his wound he will return, but he may not. Either way, you need to be ok with either option.

Quettia, My heart goes out to you. Your boyfriend’s feelings are torn between you and his x. It would be wiser but not easier to give him space and a chance to sort them out. Because until he does he fill never be able to commit to you. R

[Shirley]

Hello, My name is quettia, [a 21 year old college student],and I was in a relationship for two months when he told me that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. I took it hard because in that short period of time I had feel in love. So then the ex-girlfriend had came back and told him that she no longer wanted him. That crushed him. Through this all he and I were still close. I was trying to help him through this hard time. So eventually we started to become close again. We pick our relationship back up. We were not offically back together but we both promised not to see other people. So for the next three months I have been trying to hook back up with him offically, however, he is afraid and it is pissing me off. About two days ago he told me that he loved me and then he just hung up the phone. I knew and understood then that he was afraid to fall in love again. I knew before then but now I understand. He told me today that he loves me but he can not be with me because he is scared. I have reassured him that I am not going anywhere but I guess that is not enough. I truly need him in my life. I can.t eat, sleep, or do my school work. He is constantly on my mind and for the past month I have been totally stressed about all of this. Now, we hardly even talk. I try to be strong and act as though I do not need him but I do it is killing me. It is like someone is driving a knife through my heart every time that I move and I can not take it I need help. How can I reassure this boy that I am not going to hurt him and get him back into my life. Our relatioship was great but the only thing that is stopping him is him being hurt. I know that he still loves me and want to be with me because I am suppose to transfer schools doing the summer and he told me not to go to far. However, I feel that I have to go far because if I do not I will never get over him. He does not have to worry about me dating any time soon because he has broken my heart to the point of no return. I can not even feel any more. I love him and no one else. I found love when I found him. HELP!!!!!!!

 

Hi There!

 

If he loves you, but is afraid to let himself go, then nothing you say or do will be able to change his mind. He will have to realize how much you mean to him all on his own. And his feelings are not what's hurting you. You want him in your life, and he is backing down, and that's what's hurting you. I think you should go out and have fun once in a while. And wait for him to realize his feelings for as long as you want. But don't just sit at home and wait. Dating other men is not cheating. You can go out and have fun.