sis in law hates me???

[Bekkie]

My sister in law and I met before either of us were married. she seemed really nice and an easy person to talk to. I used to be annoyed by the way she spoke to my kids from a previous marriage but put it down to her youth and not having kids of her own. over the years it has not improved, and she is still telling me what to do, questioning my actions and choices with my four children (she now has a 2 yr old son, sadly born too soon and with cerebal Palsy) It was not such a problem before, because we live on different continents now, and even though she and her husband have given me the cold shoulder for a long time now, there have been no words between us I can think of that would cause this problem. They are visiting at the moment and she is generally very cold towards me now, if she speaks to me it is a direct question answer kind of thing that is not conversational. If I in any way try to be friendly with her she smiles sweetly and gets away as soon as possible. when we are not within earshot of other family she often has a bitchy comment for me, or tells me how I should do something or critisizes what I am doing. I am o.k. with this because we don't have to live in each other's pockets, and I often explain to her why I do what I do, and sometimes just ignore her, but I have noticed for a long time now that most people who are her friends seem to look at me with contempt or say odd things to me, like they are trying to find out something, or trick me into saying something bad ... I am not sure, it is just weird. I am not used to this sort of thing, I have made it a point not to be friends with or mix with people that scandle or who find sarcasm and nasty comments their source of humour. I would have loved to have been a better support to her in her traumatic experience and could not get close to her. :confused:I am at a total loss as to why I am so disliked, people do not usually treat me this way, and I am told I am a friendly, bubbly kind of person. My husband says I can come across a bit pushy and too direct sometimes though. I also have a suspision that this might have been caused by my mother in law. Her and my sister in law are good friends, and my children from my first marriage have only ever been treated "differently" by both of these two "ladies in law". My ex in law family are great with my younger children, even my ex mother in law who was a real monster in law while I was married to her son, is really sweet to my children as a group (even though she still hates me for the divorcing her abusive and cheating son)

 

My Husband is totally understanding of the situation, he has witnessed the "cold shoulder" treatment for himself and has on more than one occaision gone to speak to his mother about treating the children eaqually with presents and attention etc, and this has improved. He is begining to become really angry about the situation and is ready to cut his familly off. I am heart broken about this because family is so very important to me, and I do not wish for a broken bond between him and his brother. His other brother and wife are great, and I have experienced no problems with them, they also tend to often have other plans when there are family functions, and seem to not be as involved. I have also cut down our involvement, but I am always willing to change my plans and accomodate the others because I am not a working mum and everyone else is working and earning a salary. (perhaps this is the source of their discontent:o) We are a happy family, my mum lives with us, she and my hubby get on well and we lack for nothing other than more hours in a day! We have had our share of problems like most families/marriages, but have worked through them and come out stronger. My kids are doing well at school and my one year old is still breast feeding and is fat and healthy. I have no personality clash with any of these people because initially all was hunky dory. Somewhere along the line the wheels fell off and now I am being treated badly.

 

Should I just let it go, wait it out quietly till they go home to their own country or should I say something before my husband explodes at them all, in which instance, my kids are going to miss their granny . . . . .

[ElvenPriestess]

I have/had that as well. His twin sister. I remember I called while he was back home, and I asked him to put her on the phone since they are VERY close, I'd love to meet her. He got happy about it, and I heard her loud and clear when he told her who it was she said VERY loudly "NO! NO! NO!"

 

She's a loud obnoxious type, but she's always been the one closest to him, so whatever right? I'd never even met her before! And the email I got was catty and rude, a blow off. In person, she was just like yours is. And it came out why, she was jealous I'd be his #1 priority, not her anymore? Yeah.

 

But yeah, I relate to you, you are very lucky in one way. Yours is on your side, and understanding. Mine wasn't, he saw it, accepted she was rude and cold and loud, and irritating, but that it's my fault some how? Because I would not engage her on purpose? So you're lucky.

 

What to do about her? She's family, not a whole lot you can do, just be civil, don't go out of your way, but be polite. And really, it's HIS sister, so if she has a problem with you the wife, he needs to deal with it. And it sucks, I know, and I'm very sorry to you.

 

Don't let her get the better of you. I used to, and it made it worse.

[4home]

I'm in the same sad situation as you but with more family members involved

because of like what you mentioned in your post about causing scandal upon others and think being sarcastic and nasty is humorous.

This is my husbands family which is this way it is a miracle my husband does

not act this way also maybe its because he's the baby and most of the family lived elsewhere I don't know.

Anyway I put up with their miserable crap for most of my marriage of 24 years

and I guess they got bored with me because as soon as my daughter turned

18 they went after her causing scandal against her and nasty treatment.

They told her that she's just like me! I take that as a compliment because what it means is she grew up and saw their true colors. If you tell them that their mean rotten nasty behavior is wrong they will eat you alive!!!

I am so proud of her for standing up for herself I wish I had been as strong as her so I wouldn't of had to put up with so many years of abuse. Because as of 1 year 2 months ago we have not seen or spoken to these so called family members this last straw has broken the camels back as the saying goes.

And which is also really sad is that these people proclaim to be christians.

What great example their showing us (sarcasm ) and their children and grandchildren it is so pathetic I pity them.

 

Anyway the moral of the story is don't let them be rude or intimidate you especially in your own home. A rude look or comment from them stop what your doing and just ask why did you just look at me that way, why did you say that to me, right then and there put them on the spot. I always thought of things to late and it simmered until it blew up!

 

If that doesn't stop their behavior then you did your best and go your separate ways. A big lesson I have learned out of this is just because their family members doesn't mean they should get away with abusing you. They wouldn't get away with this with friends or strangers why with you. You wouldn't stick around with a so called friend who treated you this way why with relatives. I think the saying you need family is pushed on us and we feel like were nobody if we don't have a family. Well life just isn't black and white theres all the shades in between. Theres millions of people out their without family members in their lives for some reason or another and they survive.

Live life a little more "stress" free don't hang around with it!