JenBee123 Posted June 22, 2003 Share Posted June 22, 2003 We broke up about six months ago. Then, I didn't really feel anything for him, but now, I can't get him out of my mind. How do I get him back. I never felt this way about anyone. He is the person who I want to spend the rest of my life with. We started out as just friends, but just quickly went right into looking for a place to live together. I have a child, so I didn't want to move that quickly. So I became a "b-i-t-c-h" to say the least. Which didn't help the situation of us really not having quite a lot of time together. Now he has a shore house that is nearly 2 miles away from my house, and he refuses to see or talk to me. I have sent him numerous emails, text messages, and phone calls. Every time he does decide to pick up, he asks me why I love him, I tell him its because of the way he is, and will always be. I think all he wants to do now is just party away. But here is the problem, I am moving to Florida come October. And now, I would stay up here for him in a heartbeat. How do I get the man of my dreams back? What should I do to prove it to him? He says thats all I need to do is prove it to him. Is he just playing games with me? Link to post Share on other sites
Patty Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 The only way to prove it to him is to make him wonder.The best thing to do is to make yourself unavailable,next time he wants to see you.Make yourself a mystery to him.Play hard to get.This worked for me when I was having problems one time in my relationship.So just keep yourself busy,dont phone him,stop emailing him for awhile then maybe if he sees your not interested it might make him wonder what your up too.As the saying goes "Absence makes the heart grow fonder!" Hope I was able to help! Patty Link to post Share on other sites
Author JenBee123 Posted June 23, 2003 Author Share Posted June 23, 2003 Patty: Thanks for the reply. What I am afraid of is that if I make myself unavailable, what if he doesn't ever come around until its too late? He has had 6 months to wonder about me. I just recently started talking to him, and when I do, its not very nice. He gets angry that I bring up stuff that he has done. But then he will call me when he has a few drinks. And now he has his own website, which of course, I check out everyday. But he posts pictures of all the "fun" he is having at the beach house. All I want to do is get him back in my life. I am so sick to my stomach and feel so depressed. PLEASE HELP!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 Pardon my bluntness here, must simply be a mood I'm in today, but I have to ask you and other women out there....why on earth does any woman chase a guy? If someone is meant to be in your life, they will just 'be'...you won't have to go chasing them down: emailing them, texting them, phoning them, hounding them. Don't you feel sort of, well, pathetic to be pining away over a guy who obviously doesn't share your feelings? Don't you feel sort of silly continuing to tell him you love him, yet he's so obviously moved on with his life? Where does your daughter play into all of this? You admitted that shortly after you started dating, you all lived together. That kind of thing is hard for a child......in fact, parents should very slowly introduce 'new people' into their child's life.......for the very reason that you're describing: you lived together, obviously things sucked, you were a self-professed b*tch, and then you split up. SUrely this must be hard on your daughter, to not have this guy in her life any more. Leave the guy be. If he wants to drink and party and have a good ol' time in his beach house with his friends, why not? Somehow I'm assuming he's in his early 20's, right? Just might be he's not ready to be an instant family......and can't forget how badly things worked out in the past. Dig up some self respect and pride and stop contacting him and making yourself look like you're pining away for him. What a waste of time and energy, life is short. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JenBee123 Posted June 23, 2003 Author Share Posted June 23, 2003 We never lived together. He was completely in love with my son. And the same goes with my son, he was completely in love with my ex. My ex was the one that wanted to move into together. We looked for places, but I truly wasn't ready for that. He also was always talking about engagement rings, which again, I was not ready for back then. But now, not having him in my life, only wants me want him more. Yes, he is in his mid 20's. But he never used to party like he is doing now. I have known him for years, not dating, just friends. But truth be told, I do love the guy, and I know he has the same feelings, he just feels hurt. And I want to make it up to him. I just want to love him the way he loved me. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 Maybe you don't *really* love him as much as you think you do. Often times, it's really just human nature to want what we didn't want before, but now can't have. It shouldn't have taken you being a B*tch to him (hey, you said it) to NOW realize your feelings for him. That sounds pretty bent. If you didn't treat him with proper love and respect (for him and his feelings) then, why should you get another opportunity now, now that he's moved on? If someone sh*ts on you, why would you make yourself vulnerable again and give them another shot at possibly sh*tting on you again?? Who needs those risks. Okay, so he didn't party before when you knew him..but he's still quite young, and very likely going through a phase..or maybe when he was younger he didn't do the partying lifestyle because he was too busy/in a relationship/whatever. It seems from your post, from what I'm reading, you made it clear 6 months ago that you weren't really interested in him, not to the extent he was interested in you. He knows how you feel now, you've made it abundantly clear. You've told him you love him, yet he tells you you must prove this to him. The whole thing sounds wacked. If he's not giving you the time of day now, how are you supposed to prove it to him, rent a neon sign professing your life? Write it in the sky? Sounds like he's just playing games with you now..perhaps as a way of getting back at you for how you hurt him in the past. You say that there are times when you talk that he's not very nice. Leave it be. If something's meant to be, it will find a way of working out. Life is far too short to invest energy chasing someone and kissing their a$$ in an attempt to make them love you again. IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JenBee123 Posted June 23, 2003 Author Share Posted June 23, 2003 If what I am feeling isn't love, then I don't know what is. I agree that I wasn't too great to him when we were together. But there were times when he was wrong and I forgave him and times when he did things that were wrong and, there too, I forgave him. He just wants to make it very difficult for me because that is the type of person that he is. I am aware of that. Yes, he did move rather quickly, and I should have talked to him about it instead of becoming the b*tch that I did. I just want to make it up to him. I just don't know how to do it if he keeps avoiding me but then he calls me anyway. I am completely confused and upset because this is the first guy that I truly have these feelings for. I am afraid that he may be the one. And I made him leave me. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 JenBee123 how do you know he is the ‘MAN OF YOUR DREAMS’??? How do you know who is just round the corner? Let it go, MOVE ON! If he really loves you he will come back, if he knows how you feel then let it go. Leave it up to him now. Believe in tomorrow. HAVE FAITH! Be honest about how you feel to yourself and him and then be prepared to walk away! Love and Light Purplediva Link to post Share on other sites
Author JenBee123 Posted June 23, 2003 Author Share Posted June 23, 2003 To answer that question... I have been in many relationships when I thought they were all the man of my dreams... I have a child and I know that this guy is. I just know. I feel all sick to my stomach because he isn't in my life right now. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 WEll if thats your answer then have FAITH and talk to him. Above and beyond that what can you do? Good luck PurpleAngel Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 What your feeling doesn't sound like love. It sounds more like guilt or even shame. You're admission to being a b*tch means you've done things to this guy that hurt him, anger him, and eventually made him leave you, and the consequences of what you've done is really what you are feeling....guilt and shame...that's the sickness in you that you're feeling. All you want now is a chance to make it up to him, or to start all over, and that's what's driving you back to him...the desire to recapture what you had, and do it all over again, this time better. What's killing you even more is that he seems to be moving on without you, and having fun at doing it. So why should he come back to you? He's happy where he is right now. Unfortunately, you have to cut your losses and admitting that you failed in this relationship. You don't want to do that because knowing that you were the cause of the break up makes you not feel good about yourself or what you've done in the relationship. But cutting your losses and admitting that you've fail will cause you to look deeper in yourself and change the unkind ways in you that caused you to treat this guy the way you did. Spend alittle time working on yourself, and stop chasing after this guy. You make yourself look more desperate than you do "in love". And if he really wanted you to prove you loved him he would have told you how. Just A Girl 2 made some good points to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted June 23, 2003 Share Posted June 23, 2003 You wrote: I have been in many relationships when I thought they were all the man of my dreams... I have a child and I know that this guy is. I just know. Well there you go...you've been in many past relationships where each time, you thought each guy was the "man of your dreams"....but obviously none of them were, right? So what makes you think this bozo is any different? And why would you put up with someone who is rude to you when you phone him, yet at other times when he's had a few brews under his belt and calls you, then he's civil? Do you think he's treating you like a friend? With any respect? (and stop making excuses for his rude behavior) Link to post Share on other sites
Baubles Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 quit checking the website- that's going to cause you more pain than is needed. anything that is said while a man dials drunk should be ignored. The guy doesn't sound that great- guilt may be part of the culprit on why you want another go...I've been there...go on with your life...if it was meant to be..he'll find his way to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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