onmyownagain Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 It is for four weeks today since I left my wife, how do I feel? Angry. What a waste of the last 12 years of my life. Sad. Why did we have to split? Could I have tried a bit harder? My poor daughter going through all this again. Glad. Will be able to look forward to a brighter future alone or with someone who I really want to be with. I won't have to compromise as much as I have in the marriage. Scared. What will happen in the divorce? Will I get shafted by the lawyers!! How will I feel when she meets someone else? Numb. Feel I am on cruise control, go from wishing we could start again to wishing she would just die to avoid the divorce and property problems etc. Relief. Tried to make it work for a long time. At least I know I am not going home to a bad marriage at the end of the day. Thanks for listening, just felt like getting something down. Link to post Share on other sites
Rx12578 Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 "Numb. Feel I am on cruise control, go from wishing we could start again to wishing she would just die to avoid the divorce and property problems etc." Wow, I'm not sure what to say to that - sorry? hope you feel better? I'm sure you're having a hard time but here is a thought: try to stop thinking about her as the enemy. You are leaving her, I'm sure she's hurting, why not be the better person and be as considerate of her as you can? I don't think later you will regret any kindness you show to her now. She is the mother of your daughter - think about that and when you want to get mad try to forgive instead and just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Wish her dead? Wow I hope that is not true??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 28, 2008 Author Share Posted January 28, 2008 Wish her dead? Wow I hope that is not true??? I know, that sounds really bad. Probably wouldn't want this to happen in reality, but it has popped into my brain once or twice. Link to post Share on other sites
Nomad1 Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 In response to one of my earlier posts, Trimmer said something which made a lot of sense. He suggested that if you think of the many roles that your wife played in your life: wife, friend and mother. The wife role has come to an end, but the friend role could be regained and the mother role is certainly there. It appears that what is overshadowing all those elements for you is the wife role. I think that this is a very helpful way to compartmentalise and isolate the different aspects of relationships between people. Try to regain her friendship. Yes she will date other people. You will too. You will both get used to the idea. I get on better with my STBX now than I did before, although at times she gets grouchy. We go out for meals, communicate over the email and phone several times a day, mainly about the children. She said that sometimes she wonders why we are divorcing since we get on so well. Try to be friends and put the resentment to one side. So what if she goes out with another man. Show her that you are happy for her. Go date other women. There are so many beautiful, intelligent and caring women out there. What are you waiting for man? Start living and quit overanalysing. If you are meant to get back with your Ex you will, if you are not you won't. If you do want to get back with her, be nice to her. Encourage her to go out and have fun. She will soon start wondering why you are so indifferent and mysterious. Take care Nomad1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Thanks guys, Felt really okay about things last night but feeling down again this morning. I am at work but really am finding it hard to get myself motivated. I am in management and have a brilliant woman boss, she is completely okay with me being down to 50% at the moment. Maybe in a month or two things will be a lot clearer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 Sorting out a new home for me. Ordered furniture etc. and will be moving in on the 27th. Then will need to get my stuff from the family home, not looking forward to that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 The weeks are still passing, still on cruise control. Haven't really heard from her for a couple of weeks apart from a text I had to send yesterday about money, she was very polite and sent a couple of texts regarding my post etc. but back to nothing again now. At least she didn't seem so angry now, though my daughter said she was still really angry with me last week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted February 29, 2008 Author Share Posted February 29, 2008 Finally moved into my new flat yesterday and feeling a bit strange now. My ex has been texting me regularly, sometimes really mixed up messages that make me think she needs help and sometimes really nice texts, like you would get from a friend. Really feeling confused about things today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 well, it has now been a couple of months and i still feel strange. have occational contact with ex via text and always short but friendly. had a date this week which was a bit strange, but felt good i guess. don't think it will go anywhere though. Link to post Share on other sites
HenryII Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 My personal experience is that I dated to soon after moving out. It is very easy to get a date because a lot of people are looking for somone to share their life with. You may want to be by yourself and have some time to go through the grieving process. Then time to decide what means the most to you. Getting involved with someone else takes your energy from being directed on youself and directs it to the new someone in your life at a time when you have a lot of other isues to deal with. Also, I am surprised the X has not wanted to see your place. I personally would not allo w that. Focus on yourself and your daughter for now .would be what I would do had i had it to do again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted March 10, 2008 Author Share Posted March 10, 2008 Also, I am surprised the X has not wanted to see your place. I personally would not allow that. Hi, What did you mean? Not sure I understand what you are saying. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Now in month 5 and I feel really happy, okay so I sort of still miss her a bit and would feel odd to know for sure she had someone else. But I haven't felt this happy in years, will not be going back!!! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Now in month 5 and I feel really happy, okay so I sort of still miss her a bit and would feel odd to know for sure she had someone else. But I haven't felt this happy in years, will not be going back!!! :-) And there you have it! All that pain and confusion and now you are through the other side! You split because somewhere along the line you both were not happy and now you can be! The world is your oyster and you decide your own fate ... I am happy for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 And there you have it! All that pain and confusion and now you are through the other side! You split because somewhere along the line you both were not happy and now you can be! The world is your oyster and you decide your own fate ... I am happy for you! Thanks Lishy, now if I can just stay away from the married women..... :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Thanks Lishy, now if I can just stay away from the married women..... :-) That is your next mission!!!!!!!!! Run Forest RUNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted May 8, 2009 Author Share Posted May 8, 2009 Can't really count it in weeks now, it's been a year and a half since we split and my life has really changed. I have a loving relationship with a new woman who makes me very happy, we are talking about moving in together and want to build a future together. She is much more in tune with the lifestyle I enjoy, we are both professional people with good salaries, we can have a wonderful life with no money worries. Life is good people! Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I think that this is a very helpful way to compartmentalise and isolate the different aspects of relationships between people. That sounds great but the economics of divorce mean that if he earns more than she does, she will remain economically dependent upon him for many years. So it's not so simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 That sounds great but the economics of divorce mean that if he earns more than she does, she will remain economically dependent upon him for many years. So it's not so simple. Actually it doesn't. Got a good solicitor and we have banged out a good deal. She will be staying poor. Sounds a bit harsh but she needs to stand on her own two feet. Link to post Share on other sites
n9688m Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Actually it doesn't. Got a good solicitor and we have banged out a good deal. She will be staying poor. Sounds a bit harsh but she needs to stand on her own two feet. No child support? Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 No child support? There is child support, but nothing like the amount of money she wanted. But my daughter is sorted out financially. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 I am over the moon for you! x Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Thanks guys, Felt really okay about things last night but feeling down again this morning. I am at work but really am finding it hard to get myself motivated. I am in management and have a brilliant woman boss, she is completely okay with me being down to 50% at the moment. Maybe in a month or two things will be a lot clearer. Hmmmm......... Me thinks she may have something towards you, if there's no one in her life........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 Hmmmm......... Me thinks she may have something towards you, if there's no one in her life........ That was a long time ago now Vader. She probably did fancy me, I am a good looking guy:-). But she is happily married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onmyownagain Posted May 12, 2009 Author Share Posted May 12, 2009 I am over the moon for you! x Thanks Lishy, been a while..... Link to post Share on other sites
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