my bf cheated on me for the past three years

[imonyourside]

my boyfriend of a four year relationship has just recently told me he has cheated on me three times with three different women in the past three years. the only reason he told me is because we were fighting a lot and finally broke up.

i am still in love with him and think he is "the one". i feel so much better when i'm around him so i don't want to give up but i feel so hurt that i don't think i can be with him anymore. i'm still in shock because even though i would accuse him from time to time (no good on my part i know) i deep down didn't think he would ever really cheat on me.

i don't think he would in the future because we have both changed. we had a rotten relationship to begin with. i would go out and not pick up my phone and lie about who i was hanging out with (he hated a lot of my friends - thought they were sluts). i did cheat on him once (not sex) but i told him about it the very next day. i know i've done ****ty things to him but i feel like he has wronged me more and i can't get images out of my head. one of the people he had sex with was recently. he planned out the whole thing - it was some girl from college who liked him and came to visit him, bought a hotel room, and they did it there. that KILLS ME , absolutely kills me. i remember trying to call him that night because he told me he was going to the lake with some buddies. his phone was off the whole night. he told me he had no reception. it just breaks my heart when i think about all this and i don't know if i can forgive him. i need some good solid advice because i keep going back and forth between knowing that i want him more than anything and thinking i can handle this to picturing him messing around with three different girls and knowing i could never be with him again. HElp!

[starlite]

Imonyourside, I am sorry you are going through this! I will share my experience...I dated my ex 2 and a half years, we lived together, I loved him more than I loved myself, I though he was it for me and that I had found the one. Well, as time went on he kept telling me lies. Eventually I lost all trust in him, we broke up and a month later his best friend tells me that he had cheated on me quite a few times.

 

I am truly under the belief that if a man is cheating before you are married....you need to RUUUUN!!!! Seriously, not that it is ok while married, but come on! What a jerk.

 

I know it hurts like hell right now but knowing this is doing you a favor so you dont make the mistake of going back. You deserver someone honest, faithful and trustworthy!

[SueBee3490]

Imonyourside, I would run. This also happened to me - problem with my situation is that I married the guy not knowing all about the cheating while dating him for 2 1/2 yrs. I knew of one time he did go out on me, I forgave him and tried to keep the relationship going. I look back now and wish I'd kicked him to the curb but, like you, I loved him. I had built my life around him and really wanted to believe him when he said he quit cheating, it was a one-time thing, blah, blah, blah - but sadly he didn't quit. The thoughts of these other women and him doing things flooded my mind constantly. I obsessed over what they did together, etc. I tried to forgive the "one" time, thinking he really believed the error of his ways and he made a mistake but now he realizes that he could lose me. He obviously didn't care about me because he continued to cheat. So if it's more than one other woman, I'd run.

 

I went from loving him more than anything to hating him more than anything.

[imonyourside]

i appreciate all the advice and i know i should just kick him to the curb but i have a few more questions.. i used to lie to him a lot and like i said, i have cheated on him once. i feel like we could start over a new relationship - one where we respect eachother and are honest with one another. those were actually his words.

maybe i'm crazy but i believe that he does love me. he says how much he doesn't want to lose me and that he cheated because he wanted to feel some kind of pride in himself after i had treated him so badly. i admit i would go out and kind of forget about him - not that i would cheat - but that i didn't really want to be bothered by phone calls. when i was out, i wanted to be with the people i was with, and not on the telephone.

i would ignore his phone calls and i know that caused him a great deal of stress. i shouldn't act like the victim because i did some crummy things to him to make him feel so down about himself.

 

i believe him when he tells me he cheated to try to make me respect him, at least in his mind. it wasn't that he physically had to be with other women, its that he wanted to make our relationship even

gosh, look at me sticking up for him

it still doesn't make it any better. i know what he did was wrong - i am feeling it every day. i feel sick to my stomach and i'm not sure how to forgive him and put it past me but i feel like i don't want to give up on our relationship yet. maybe i'm just being stupid and should follow good advice but i feel like because of our special circumstances, i shouldn't just throw what could be a great relationship away

[hearts chanel]

okay, so he cheated on you multipule times? and you cheated on him once? as much as you say you guys get along, it's not going to make what both of you did go away.

 

honestly, it seems to me like you just don't wanna let go of him because you've been with him for so long.

[vanilla_11]

I have to admit that I think you need to leave the relationship or at least take a break from the situation. Hard, yes, trust me... I know. My ex and I took a break (after 5 years together) and in the end, I found out he was cheating on me (and now getting married!) When I look back at our break period before I knew he was cheating... I just wanted to be with him because I missed our "comfort-ness".

 

In the end, I am glad things ended the way they did. I loved him, yes... but I was in love with our routines and the comfort level I had in that relationship.

[norajane]

he has cheated on me three times with three different women in the past three years

 

Sorry, but you might consider the "three strikes and you're OUT" rule.

 

I don't think he would in the future because we have both changed

 

Changed? You said he cheated on you recently, and in fact he planned it all out ahead of time:

 

one of the people he had sex with was recently. he planned out the whole thing - it was some girl from college who liked him and came to visit him, bought a hotel room, and they did it there.

 

i remember trying to call him that night because he told me he was going to the lake with some buddies. his phone was off the whole night. he told me he had no reception.

 

So, when exactly did he change? Since he last cheated on you? He hasn't changed anything - he's still the guy who thought it was a good idea to make plans to screw another girl.

 

I think you know that you need to walk away from this guy permanently. He's made the choice to cheat on you three times, one of them recently, and it was no "mistake" - he did it deliberately, with intent, and lots and lots of planning and lying.

 

You have no future with this guy except more cheating and wondering if he's cheating whenever you can't reach him on his phone.

[norajane]

i appreciate all the advice and i know i should just kick him to the curb but i have a few more questions.. i used to lie to him a lot and like i said, i have cheated on him once. i feel like we could start over a new relationship - one where we respect eachother and are honest with one another. those were actually his words.

maybe i'm crazy but i believe that he does love me. he says how much he doesn't want to lose me and that he cheated because he wanted to feel some kind of pride in himself after i had treated him so badly. i admit i would go out and kind of forget about him - not that i would cheat - but that i didn't really want to be bothered by phone calls. when i was out, i wanted to be with the people i was with, and not on the telephone.

i would ignore his phone calls and i know that caused him a great deal of stress. i shouldn't act like the victim because i did some crummy things to him to make him feel so down about himself.

 

i believe him when he tells me he cheated to try to make me respect him, at least in his mind. it wasn't that he physically had to be with other women, its that he wanted to make our relationship even

gosh, look at me sticking up for him

it still doesn't make it any better. i know what he did was wrong - i am feeling it every day. i feel sick to my stomach and i'm not sure how to forgive him and put it past me but i feel like i don't want to give up on our relationship yet. maybe i'm just being stupid and should follow good advice but i feel like because of our special circumstances, i shouldn't just throw what could be a great relationship away

 

Well, now I'd say NEITHER of you are ready for a committed relationship, nor do you understand what respect is.

[gonetildecember]

3 TIMES!!!

and he even went out as to plan on elaborately.. with a visit and a hotelroom and an entire plan to tell u.. i'd end it. it's hard to do that.. as soon of my past threads might show you. but take it from someone who's been there.. if (and its likely) he ever does it again.. ull wanna kick yourself in the a** for not leaving him when you had the chance.

[Spoonandfork22]

you can forgive, but you arent going to forget. the images will be inyour head, you will second guess everything he does. there wont be a time where you will think that 100% he is telling you the truth.

 

if you think you can get over these obstacles then by all means try and continue the relationship but be warned, these things dont just disappear, its likely to haunt you for a very long time.

 

there are so many men out there who are willing to be HONEST and FAITHFUL and wont abuse the love that they are given. I hope you give yourself the chance to find one of them and save yourself a world of heartache.

[Cad Rake]

Sounds like a great relationship! I think you should do everything you can to continue it.

[imonyourside]

wow its been a while, i don't know if anyone is going to respond but ....

in response,

everyone is totally right. respect was non-existant and it was my fault. i do believe him but maybe i shouldn't. you see, in the beginning of the relationship he never cheated (he points out), it was only until after he felt i wasn't treating him right

of course, CHEATING is not the answer to anything especially multiple times, but i know i didn't always treat him right.

i shouldn't be with this guy permanently but the comfort level is soooo good. i don't WANT to be with anyone else. but these thoughts are haunting me. its nothing i want to take care of now though.....as terrible as that sounds.

but i do have a question

does anyone think this is true? i mean, that he cheated because he felt he was treated terribly? because i often wonder if it was a horny-thing not a get-back-at-me thing?

either way its terrible but ..... i think it would make a difference as to would he ever cheat again? i am trying to believe that he did it because of the way i treated him. but he obviously must have enjoyed it? bah i don't know what i'm asking anymore..

[dani_girl33]

It doesn't matter how horribly you may have treated him. He has no right to go out and disrespect you like that. And like you said, you love the comfort and routine you are in with him. You can easily find that with another person. You do not need to be with him. You are better off being alone for a while anyway.

Do not stay with him. It is not worth it. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And he definitely has not changed, and won't. If he really wants to be with you, then he would be going out of his way and doing anything he could to gain your trust back and prove that he really loves you.

But the cheating clearly shows that he doesn't respect or love you as much as he may say.

Get on with your life. Push him out of it. You do not need him.

[Chrome Barracuda]

my boyfriend of a four year relationship has just recently told me he has cheated on me three times with three different women in the past three years. the only reason he told me is because we were fighting a lot and finally broke up.

i am still in love with him and think he is "the one". i feel so much better when i'm around him so i don't want to give up but i feel so hurt that i don't think i can be with him anymore. i'm still in shock because even though i would accuse him from time to time (no good on my part i know) i deep down didn't think he would ever really cheat on me.

i don't think he would in the future because we have both changed. we had a rotten relationship to begin with. i would go out and not pick up my phone and lie about who i was hanging out with (he hated a lot of my friends - thought they were sluts). i did cheat on him once (not sex) but i told him about it the very next day. i know i've done ****ty things to him but i feel like he has wronged me more and i can't get images out of my head. one of the people he had sex with was recently. he planned out the whole thing - it was some girl from college who liked him and came to visit him, bought a hotel room, and they did it there. that KILLS ME , absolutely kills me. i remember trying to call him that night because he told me he was going to the lake with some buddies. his phone was off the whole night. he told me he had no reception. it just breaks my heart when i think about all this and i don't know if i can forgive him. i need some good solid advice because i keep going back and forth between knowing that i want him more than anything and thinking i can handle this to picturing him messing around with three different girls and knowing i could never be with him again. HElp!

 

Wow this whole story sucks.

 

Why dont you guys just amicably just stay apart. You've learned your lesson, and he's a serial cheater. This relationship if it's bagage and issues arent worked on it will never work.