My ex and her kid

[RogueK]

Some of you may have already read my other post about us breaking up and me regreting everything, but something new has happened.

 

She emailed me today (after saying we need to not contact each other anymore) asking if i want to still see her son. I've been in his life since he was two and we've both grown real attached to each other. I love her and want her back but also miss him very much. I really do want to hang out with him and told her yes.

 

Is it the right thing to do? I'm starting to deal with the break up but i'm lying if i said i still don't hope things will happen again.

 

Although regardless of how it happens i do plan on seeing him since his father has completely forgotten about him and i'm the closest thing he knows to a dad.

 

If she's broken off all ties with me including seeing and talking to me how is it alright for her to allow us to see each other. Granted we are great together and she loves him very much but if she's truely trying to distance me from her why wouldn't she had a long talk with him like she said she would do if i don't feel i can see him. She made it my choice and i feel i'm going to do it for two reasons:

 

1: I really love spending time with him

 

2: her and i broke up and one reason is she felt him and i didn't spend enough time alone together.

 

Not to read into any of this but is being the stronger person through what i am feeling the right thing to do with her child? Especially if she feels she doesn't want to be with me?

 

Does this look good for me in his mother's eyes? To show i'm still here and care?

[Tony T]

This is not a window for you getting back with this lady. What most likely happened was the kid kept asking for you...perhaps even crying for you...and mom is doing this to pacify the child. I think it's the right thing to do and I think it's very kind of you to give some time to this child.

 

Unfortunately, contact will prolong your healing from this relationship. Somehow, you will have to gradually back out of this child's life, which is a real shame since he has already been abandoned once.

 

This situation was inevitable if you and his mother didn't stay together. It's got to be tougher on the kid than anybody. Use love and care to part from his life over time.

 

Again, don't read anything into this. Be strong and otherwise move on.

 

Don't spend any time with this child if the ONLY reason you're doing it is to impress mom. It won't work. Also, I think it was a bunch of bunk that she said one of the reasons she broke up with you was because you didn't spend enough time with the child.

[RogueK]

In her email to me about it she left the decision up to me. She said if i decided i couldn't do it that she would just have a long talk to him about it and that i shouldn't worry because she would never say anything bad to me.

 

My question is if thats what she was willing to do and she's said she doesn't want me to call or email her (not that i over did that in the first place) why wouldn't she just have the long talk with him?

 

If she truely plans on moving on and everything how is it possible for her to have me around to spend time with him?

 

And to be honest i would NEVER use him as a tool to get back with her. I'm kind of looking forward to it because spending time with him makes me very happy. He's a child and wants to laugh and have fun. I wouldn't mind being around some of that.

 

So even if i still want to get back and she knows her son and i get along and she wants to sort of prolong my being over there i shouldn't think that things could happen? I mean i'm really not going to go into it hoping but i'm just wondering.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

It seems that since the biological father is not in the picture, and you and her son got along well, she would like you to be a father figure in her life. Just because you and the woman have broken up doesn't mean you broke up with the boy. You and the boy have a friendship or relationship of your own, and there's no reason why that should discontinue if you and his mother are no longer together. HOWEVER, like Tony said, if you want to remain in this boy's life, make sure you're doing it for that reason alone.

 

But I feel you should ask his mother why does she want you to maintain a relationship with her son, and how are you suppose to do that successfully if the both of you are not on speaking terms? Another thing to consider is what would happen if she just wants you to be a father figure until she starts another relationship with someone else and that guy becomes the father figure?

 

You seem to be asking us the questions that you need to ask her. We can only tell you what it seems like. If you really want to know what it truly is, you have to ask her.

[RogueK]

I want her back and will do anything. I will however NOT use this kid as a tool as i have said. I feel that if she misses me or doesn't want anything to do with me it would make me happy to spend time with him.

 

I'm under the impression she's playing head games with me for some reason.

She is seeing someone (i think - don't know how serious) and again, told me not to call or email because she doesn't think it's a good idea.

 

I'd like to mention I was over there Tuesday and we slept together and she told me that she loves me and aches for me. She then told me Thursday it will never happen and tuesday might have been a mistake and she won't make it again.

 

Of course i was hurt further because i must have gotten some mixed signal by how she was holding on to me and saying she missed me.

 

The fact is we still belong together. If she's with some dude or not i could care less. I love her. I won't ever do anything to make her feel uncomfortable or hurt her or her son but if i have half the chance to make things right i'm ALL OVER IT.

 

I wish i could have help in finding a way to win her back. The advice i get is to leave her alone and let time figure everything out and that's what i have decided to do..then today's email came about her son.

 

i'm just confused and hoping she still thinks of me.

 

Regardless i will see him and make sure him and i have a blast.