Tired03 Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Having a conversation with H, who I am separated from, about dating etc. He made the comment that most women with 3 children have to stay single until after the kids get to high school because they have no time to date and that it's too intimidating for most men. Is that truly the case? Am I truly doomed for years to be single just because I have 3 kids? Is that wayyyy too scary for all of you guys? Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLemonade Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 It would be scary for alot of guys but certainly not all. For instance, a divorced man who also has a couple/few kids. Or perhaps a divorced or widowed man who always wanted kinds but wife couldn't have them or didn't want them? Just throwing out possible examples but don't let your EX intimidate you or make you feel bad, just get out there and meet people once you are ready to start looking again, there are too many people on this earth for him to make that statement. I know nothing about your relationship, whether you ended on good or bad terms, etc. but it sounds like he is trying to deter you from looking. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Yes I agree with Lemon. It sounds like he's trying to play with your head. Here's the good news....he's not your husband anymore...you don't need to listen to a word he says. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 I am a divorced 40 year old man, who met a 40 year old girl almost 4 years ago, and she has 4 beautiful children, and I would marry her in a minute... Unfortunately, she was still married when I met her (still is, but maybe getting divorced)... Anyway, LOVE is blind, but not to your wonderful children. LOVE would see them as 3 lovely additions to his life when the time was right.. Don't worry about being alone, because you are not, LOVE will find you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tired03 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Share Posted January 28, 2008 Thanks guys. He also made it a point of letting me know through the conversations that he has had date offers already. *ouch* Maybe I'm just too sensitive, but it felt like an attempt at telling me what I would be missing out on and that I would be destined to living alone (no cats here, just dogs). I'm so very confused right now. Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLemonade Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 Yes, it does sound like he is trying to be hurtful. I'm sorry but so often that is the case, people trying to hurt one another in the course of a breakup or divorce. Don't be confused though! Nothing to be confused about! You will not be alone if you don't want to be, there is no reason having 3 children will keep the right man from wanting to be with you. stampdaddy put it very nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
sadhubby Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 i recentley went on a date with a gal who had triplets !! i met her at one of the online dating sites we didnt clik and are freinds now but we both had fun out together. throw it out there dont sit on your nanoo sounds like your hubby would love it if you just sat at home while he was eating his cake for ahwile. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 ...most women with 3 children have to stay single... because they have no time to date and that it's too intimidating for most men. I'd remind him that they're HIS kids too...and it's the WOMEN who would be more intimated (because we're usually the nurturers and would tend to take on more responsibility for kids in general.) Plus, that you intend on taking lots of time management courses and learn how to fit dating into that hectic schedule he's got set-up for you. Now, it does all sound a bit sexist and/or silly...but it's his game and his rules...just show him you're a much better player!!! Link to post Share on other sites
swansong519 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I'd remind him that they're HIS kids too...and it's the WOMEN who would be more intimated (because we're usually the nurturers and would tend to take on more responsibility for kids in general.) Plus, that you intend on taking lots of time management courses and learn how to fit dating into that hectic schedule he's got set-up for you. Now, it does all sound a bit sexist and/or silly...but it's his game and his rules...just show him you're a much better player!!! The only thing about a situation like yours would be whether you had the time to invest in a relationship...especially if you are the primary care giver. Of course the age of the children factors in here. Also...because of the difficulties associated with finding the time, many women want to include the children in the relationship far sooner than they should, simply because it makes it easier to spend time together. Other than that...I am one of those 40 year old men with no kids of my own, who would relish the opportunity to be a parental figure to some nice ladys kid(s). Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 One thing I learned during my own divorce, dont judge people. Dont automatically assume people will look down on you or avoid you simply because you are divorced (or a mother of three or some other social status). There are a LOT of good people out there, who are compassionate and understanding, and who could careless if you are divorced, a mother, or not. They judge you by YOU, your _character_, not what you've done, nor what position you hold in life. And as amaysngrace wisely said, you dont have to listen to your husband anymore. Let him continue to be judgemental. Treat people with respect and the majority of time they'll treat you back with respect. You might not be relationship material for EVERY guy, but even if you were single without any kids, that would still be true. Dont worry so much about it. When the time comes, when life is ready to give you a relationship, it'll happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Having a conversation with H, who I am separated from, about dating etc. He made the comment that most women with 3 children have to stay single until after the kids get to high school because they have no time to date and that it's too intimidating for most men. Is that truly the case? Am I truly doomed for years to be single just because I have 3 kids? Is that wayyyy too scary for all of you guys? Hi tired, I can relate to the pressure of having three children...it does not leave a whole lot of time for much else...however there are way's around it if you can pull some support from family and good friend's... I am very soon to be in the same boat... and I have been feeling scared myself about what a single guy is going to think when he see's me coming with three little one's! However.... I believe that if you meet the right person than that should not matter to him, that will be my approach anyway. Good luck to you. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
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