iowajournal Posted January 28, 2008 Share Posted January 28, 2008 I have fallen into a group of people who can hardly be called friends. They have built their lives around drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, and occasionally doing cocaine, crack, and meth. At some point a person has to pull the plug on the situation and realize that environment does play a big part in how and why someone may become dependent on substances. There is a lot to say about willpower and resistance but when the whole culture you find yourself in is using and basing that as their primary reason for coming together, getting out of the situation and getting rid of those people in your life is the only real option. You can go to all the self help groups and counselors and programs you want but it is easier to just delete everyone from your phone contacts list, stop taking their calls, stop answering their emails, get all your personal belongings back from them and give them back theirs, and settle up all debts....and then forget about them. Walk out the door and never look back. There is no halfway point with alcoholics and drug users. You can't "sort-of" be their friend. They will break out the stuff, the booze and before you know it peer pressure will have gotten a hold of you again. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I lived around a lot of people like that in San Francisco. You can stay out of it, but only if you limit the time you spend with them, limit the 'depth' of the relationships to casual acquaintances only, and aren't susceptible to one or more of their drugs of choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iowajournal Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Good point Norjane. You are right. When I keep the "offenders" limited to telephone conversations only, I find I am much more empowered and freewilled to stand up for who I am and what I believe in. When I am in everyone's presence physically, particularly in their homes or places of business, I am much more "vulnerable" and susceptible to the wills and whims of others. Eventually I hope to either "wean" them off their personal problems or find new friends entirely...ones who don't use. Depression, low self-esteem, and timidity are the biggest problems for why a person stays on with a crowd when they know in their hearts and minds they should get the hell out of there...and quick. Link to post Share on other sites
niifawm Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I am not completely agree with your points. I have a big social circle and most of them drink and smoke but none of them ever asked me to do so. Also, I never gave any lecture on not doing what they are doing. All of them are aged enough to know what is right and what is wrong. I know number of these people is very less in today's society but it is there. And about the interaction, the friends I am talking about are very close to me and some of them are closest among all friends in my circle. Hence, it just depends how a person takes it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 When I got sober I had to cut a lot of people out of my life. It's part of the process, though. They recommend that in AA... Link to post Share on other sites
Msblueyes Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I have maybe three friends I keep in contact from my "past". One of them is about ready to do some time & infrequently answers my calls as they want me to do the best I can and do not want to interfer with the progress I've made. Another is doing time, but still would never push drugs on me, the third person is in prison for life & wants to be a part of the project I'm working on. The rest, well, I deleted their numbers out of my cell phone and none of them know where I now live. I don't have a problem with people drinking (except to excess), smoking weed (it was never my thing anyway & so easy to say "NO" to for me), and as far as meth (never tried it and have no urge to now), basing (well, I did the best years ago and know it wouldn't be as good now as it was seven years ago so I'll just keep those memories in a box in my mind where they belong). The only real problem would be if you are ever in the company of people using and the place gets raided. Then you are guilty by association regardless of whether you're using or not...you all go. Pick your friends and your battles wisely! Link to post Share on other sites
Author iowajournal Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 (edited) niifawm unfortunately the crowd of people I have become messed up with are prone to violence, push the pipe, and look suspiciously on people who are in the group but not "getting messed up". I don't feel so bad about it any longer since I've come to understand that different regions of the country have different quality of life standards, different opportunities, etc. Here in North Iowa where Bible bangers, and church goers are plentiful, where the city council is asleep at the wheel, and where "toughness" and gangsters are celebrated, the children have unfortunately congregated amongst themselves to lay out the frustrations of neglect on each other and on themselves. Situations exist where people respect whatever you want to do...but here in my hometown where I know everyone, and people behave like cattle...pushing is still a big issue. In fact just the other day I walked out of a bar and someone stuck a pipe in my face wanting me to take a hit. That same bar 3 different fights erupted that caused the band I was videotaping to have to stop for 25 minutes. They almost knocked over my video equipment in the process. Edited February 12, 2008 by iowajournal none Link to post Share on other sites
juliegeraci Posted February 13, 2008 Share Posted February 13, 2008 I agree. It can really get out of control. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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