JamesM Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 men do have a testosterone pattern...... higher and lower in some months of the year as well. google it yourself because I am too lazy to slap a link here. Okay, since you commanded me... Here are some links discussing Male PMS. And yes, my wife will tell you that there is something to this. http://www.usrf.org/breakingnews/bn_980104_malemenopause.html http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-13094283-details/Study+shows+men+also+suffer+from+PMS/article.do;jsessionid=b2GWHhqT1GtphwfkyYbVkMLLlKDPG72kRvlrntDsG5LsgJvdLMzp!709930645!-1407319226!7001!-1 This one calls it "Irritable Male Syndrome (IMS)." http://www.maljonicsdreams.com/Dream_Health/Irritable_Male_Syndrome.htm It is thought that many men's mood swings may be caused by a drop in the male hormone testosterone, which, the theory says, affects your brain and therefore your behaviour. Here is a detailed one which while it mentions prospective fathers, it may help. http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/ap/hb/2002/00000042/00000002/art01815 And a quote.... Peak hormone levels occurred around weekends in the majority of the males. The 28-day monthly interval coincided with testosterone peaks only in those of the paired men who reported a current wish for children (“prospective fathers”), but not in unpaired men or in those who did not wish to have children with their current partner. Off topic, but this says that the length of a man's ring finger correlates to how much testosterone he has... http://www.bio.net/bionet/mm/neur-sci/1999-August/040245.html Back on topic.... This link says there is a correlation with testosterone and depression... http://www.bio.net/bionet/mm/neur-sci/1999-August/040249.html Fascinating. Thanks, a4a, for the opportunity to learn something new this morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Actually, while I kind of hinted PMS, I was really serious that it could be cyclical. Men do have cycles as well. As silly as that may sound, I found that for me, there was a cyclical pattern to my insecurities and anxieties. And it was worse during the winter months. Since I am in Michigan, we have less sun then. Just a thought or two. Good information James. Explains a lot in my marriage. I refuse to take time off when my husband has a winter vacation. We don't do well at all. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) Oh, and a quote that I noticed when I was rereading the IMS article: An increase in body fat, or weight gain can be a major factor in causing the symptoms of IMS; men tend to gain weight around their waists, and studies have shown that fat cells in the abdomen release estradiol, which is created from testosterone – fat around the abdomen is usually the first to drop away in men as they lose weight so dieting to lose weight in this area will reduce the amount of testosterone loss in the body. This is really true. This was one of the factors for me. I gained twenty pounds and kept it on for about five years, and when I finally lost it this past year, I did notice a decrease in depression and frustrations. Woggle, I am not suggesting you are fat. On the other hand, if you have gained weight, then it may be applicable. For some reason, married men do. And here are the symptoms of IMS.... The common symptoms of IMS are: depression, fatigue, irritability, sleep problems and snoring, hair loss (other than natural balding), loss of sex drive, swollen male breasts caused by the increase in estradiol and, in some cases, hot flashes; the symptoms can also trigger weight gain, loss of muscle tone, gallbladder and gastrointestinal problems and high cholesterol. Edited January 31, 2008 by JamesM Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I am not pmsing. I am just having my doubts. Give me 5 good reasons why your wife is going to leave and divorce you. What exactly has SHE done? Once again, I know you'll say she's done nothing wrong, it's the world that's against you (or shall I say evil women who you think are out to screw you over) that these women are maneaters and how it will ruin your life. Listen to yourself Woggle! Does that really make sense? Do you believe that outside influences is going to make your wife leave you? Just because YOU let that crap affect you, doesn't mean it affects your wife that way. Do more counselling and maybe it's a good idea to bring your wife along as well. If you are scared to open up and talk to your wife, let the therapist help you talk to her, explain how deep seeded your fears really are. I am worried that your poor wife is going to be side swiped and devastated by summertime when you drop the bomb on her that you want a divorce because you can't handle being married and being a good loving husband to her. SHE is getting ripped off. Sorry, but that is the truth of it. Your marriage is almost a lie - In her eyes, things are fine. In your eyes, it isn't and you are waiting for the right excuse to up and leave her. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Oh, we know why he wants a divorce. It is the same topic that came and mysteriously disappeared a while back... He still has the hots for his first wife. He misses those pre-NJ "Bonnie and Clyde" days as he once called them. He wants the-living-on-the-edge feeling back. He cannot help it. His life has normalized; now there is routine, a new business afoot which will mean more routine and work, however exciting. It is about the first wife. That is what this is, somewhere someplace in his mind which he cannot admit to himself nor to "us". Love, OE Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Woggle, You needn't answer of course but could OE be right? Is this where your problem stems from? Try to answer this to yourself at least. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I am opening up a business this year and I can't take this anxiety anymore. I look at my wife and wonder what kind of resentment she has against me and I wonder what she says to her friends when I am not around. Even if she loves me now who is to say she won't turn on me later on. It seems that these days every married woman is unhappy with her husband so how is it possible that I somehow found an exception? Looking at this board and other boards is putting things in perspective so I think divorcing her before she divorces me would give me pieace of mind. Woggle, you were giving your wife props as being different from other women. What is it that she is resenting? Forgive me if you answered this already, I haven't read through the pages yet. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 If divorcing her will help rid your anxiety and stress, then do what you have to do. She desrves a guy who will truly love her and appreciate her, but don't you dare come on here and exclaim that she screwed you over. Obviously there is a reason he thinks he's gonna find his wife in bed with another man. I just don't think he is telling us. And if she is messing around, then no, she does NOT deserve a guy who will love her. But that is just an assumption at this point. Wog....tell us whats REALLY going on. Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) Obviously there is a reason he thinks he's gonna find his wife in bed with another man. I just don't think he is telling us. he is telling us. his reasoning is that every relationship he knows of contains an evil woman, and so he believes his wife will do the same thing, despite the fact that 'she is different' and has given him no reason to think she will do anything wrong. Edited January 31, 2008 by KenzieAbsolutely Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 he is telling us. his reasoning is that every relationship he knows of contains an evil woman, and so he believes his wife will do the same thing... I dunno. Perhaps they have had fights. Maybe she said something to him that set him off. If its just him worrying for no reason, then he really needs help. thats why I wonder if something has happened for him to develop doubts. I can't imagine developing doubts about anyone even if i did have a bad past with women. And the guy is hurting, he is scared, and paranoid. I think the shots people take at him are uncalled for. He has been betrayed in the past and has seen betrayal of his father by his mother. I can't say I blame him for holding some resentment towards the female population. Note I said "SOME" resentment. He is taking it to the extreme though. Woggle. If you're wife is as good as you said she is, and she has given you no reason to doubt her, then talk to her. Sit her down and tell her how depressed you have been. Let her know that it has nothing to do with her, but rather your experiences have made you very cautious of women. Tell her your fears. If she is a good woman, she'll say just the right things and exhibit the right actions to show you she cares and understands. If she takes your fears and makes you feel lower than dogs##t, then you'll know your fears were justified and can then do what you felt you need to do. But talk to her man. Unless it was an "I got your man b##ch" ego thing, any woman that would stay after an ex tried to kill her can't be all bad. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I dunno. Perhaps they have had fights. Maybe she said something to him that set him off. If its just him worrying for no reason, then he really needs help. thats why I wonder if something has happened for him to develop doubts. I can't imagine developing doubts about anyone even if i did have a bad past with women. And the guy is hurting, he is scared, and paranoid. I think the shots people take at him are uncalled for. He has been betrayed in the past and has seen betrayal of his father by his mother. I can't say I blame him for holding some resentment towards the female population. Note I said "SOME" resentment. He is taking it to the extreme though. Woggle. If you're wife is as good as you said she is, and she has given you no reason to doubt her, then talk to her. Sit her down and tell her how depressed you have been. Let her know that it has nothing to do with her, but rather your experiences have made you very cautious of women. Tell her your fears. If she is a good woman, she'll say just the right things and exhibit the right actions to show you she cares and understands. If she takes your fears and makes you feel lower than dogs##t, then you'll know your fears were justified and can then do what you felt you need to do. But talk to her man. Unless it was an "I got your man b##ch" ego thing, any woman that would stay after an ex tried to kill her can't be all bad. TS: no offense but you would have to read all his posts......pot shots?.... o'my he has declared all females of the world to be lower than slime. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I'm gonna be upset with myself for even indulging these thoughts yet again.... I just can't read all the responses, woggle, because the repetitiveness wears me out. I just want to know if you've decided to divorce her or not. Answer that and I'll unsubscribe from the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Woggle Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 Tonight her and I had a long talk and I feel like we have gotten somewhere though in a few months I will probably be making another thread like this. I am just being honest about that. I told her about the doubts I am having and surprisingly she wasn't angry about it and it actually felt like we were a little closer because of the talk. She can't stand women like that anymore than I can because she saw her brother go through a nasty divorce and she has seen male friends go through the same thing and would never do that to somebody herself. She has never cheated on a man, never been involved with a MM, never was a walkaway wife and is not a manhater so what do I have to worry about? She has none of the red flags a man should look out for yet still I constantly doubt her love and she doesn't deserve it. A good woman is hard to find and most women are not worth the risk but that does not apply to her and if I want this to work I need to stop treating her as if she was one of those women. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Tonight her and I had a long talk and I feel like we have gotten somewhere though in a few months I will probably be making another thread like this. I am just being honest about that. I told her about the doubts I am having and surprisingly she wasn't angry about it and it actually felt like we were a little closer because of the talk. She can't stand women like that anymore than I can because she saw her brother go through a nasty divorce and she has seen male friends go through the same thing and would never do that to somebody herself. She has never cheated on a man, never been involved with a MM, never was a walkaway wife and is not a manhater so what do I have to worry about? She has none of the red flags a man should look out for yet still I constantly doubt her love and she doesn't deserve it. A good woman is hard to find and most women are not worth the risk but that does not apply to her and if I want this to work I need to stop treating her as if she was one of those women. By JOVE I think you have it!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Tonight her and I had a long talk and I feel like we have gotten somewhere though in a few months I will probably be making another thread like this. I am just being honest about that. I told her about the doubts I am having and surprisingly she wasn't angry about it and it actually felt like we were a little closer because of the talk. She can't stand women like that anymore than I can because she saw her brother go through a nasty divorce and she has seen male friends go through the same thing and would never do that to somebody herself. She has never cheated on a man, never been involved with a MM, never was a walkaway wife and is not a manhater so what do I have to worry about? She has none of the red flags a man should look out for yet still I constantly doubt her love and she doesn't deserve it. A good woman is hard to find and most women are not worth the risk but that does not apply to her and if I want this to work I need to stop treating her as if she was one of those women. This is good Wog. I'm glad that you finally talked to her..Though I don't know why you thought she'd be angry since she already knows that these fears are inside you. The part I bolded - REMEMBER that next time you start feeling anxious about those fears - And then go talk to your wife! Don't let it build up and freak you out. Talk to her as soon as the thoughts hit you and let HER help you, and make you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Tonight her and I had a long talk and I feel like we have gotten somewhere though in a few months I will probably be making another thread like this. I am just being honest about that. I told her about the doubts I am having and surprisingly she wasn't angry about it and it actually felt like we were a little closer because of the talk. She can't stand women like that anymore than I can because she saw her brother go through a nasty divorce and she has seen male friends go through the same thing and would never do that to somebody herself. She has never cheated on a man, never been involved with a MM, never was a walkaway wife and is not a manhater so what do I have to worry about? She has none of the red flags a man should look out for yet still I constantly doubt her love and she doesn't deserve it. A good woman is hard to find and most women are not worth the risk but that does not apply to her and if I want this to work I need to stop treating her as if she was one of those women. That is great news that you were able to talk to her about things. Instead of coming back here to make another thread about this exact same subject, why don't you just talk to her again about it. She is your wife. She is your best friend. Talk to her before you talk to a bunch of strangers over the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 And so concludes the fears and anxieties of another thread. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 TS: no offense but you would have to read all his posts......pot shots?.... o'my he has declared all females of the world to be lower than slime. I know, I have read his posts and I can understand his bitterness. However I have also read his posts about how he found a "good one", but I fear he is about to mess that up. If it turns out he was right all along and he does find her in bed with another guy, then he can take great joy in kicking the both of them out of his house. But I think he is gonna dig a hole for himself and mess a great thing up with a great woman. That is why I asked if there was something going on to make him doubt her now. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Tonight her and I had a long talk and I feel like we have gotten somewhere though in a few months I will probably be making another thread like this. I am just being honest about that. I told her about the doubts I am having and surprisingly she wasn't angry about it and it actually felt like we were a little closer because of the talk. She can't stand women like that anymore than I can because she saw her brother go through a nasty divorce and she has seen male friends go through the same thing and would never do that to somebody herself. She has never cheated on a man, never been involved with a MM, never was a walkaway wife and is not a manhater so what do I have to worry about? She has none of the red flags a man should look out for yet still I constantly doubt her love and she doesn't deserve it. A good woman is hard to find and most women are not worth the risk but that does not apply to her and if I want this to work I need to stop treating her as if she was one of those women. BOOM!! There you go Woggle. She just confirmed that she is a keeper! She understands your pain from past experience and she isn't going to tear you down because you have doubts. Sounds like she is a very caring and understanding woman. I am dating a woman now who is insecure because of the cheaters she has dealt with in the past. She thinks the world of me and is scared I'm gonna hook up with someone else. I assured her there is nobody else. Not even the most gorgeous supermodel can drag me away from her. I didn't get mad at her having doubts because I understand where she is coming from. I told her that I have been treated badly in the past too, but it isn't gonna stop me from developing a great relationship with a great woman. Woggle, you have a keeper, and there are very few keepers in this world. So hold on to her, love her, and show her that she can be the one to turn your thinking around. And if I am wrong and she turns out to be like the rest, then just take great joy in dumping her and kicking her out of your house. But I don't think I am wrong. I seldom, if ever, am. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) While only Marlena commented--because she is brilliant --to my earlier post on this subject, I would just like to bring up once again the possibility that Mr. Wog's anxiety has to do with his Ex. Because something here isn't sitting right with me at all. Just an opinion, now, now... I believe that Le Wogs has very strong feelings for his ex, and thinks about her quite often. (We went through a past thread on this and then the subject was all at once seemingly dropped). Because he is thinking about his ex he is assuming that his new wife is also thinking about, must be thinking about, someone else--past, present, or future. Wogs wants to hurt before being hurt as this subconscious desire for his ex is driving his current rational judgments. Thus, the consideration as to whether he should "one-up" that possibility by being the first to pull out of the marriage. I see it so because when a person has as much otherwise unreasonable fear as Woggle is displaying, the doubt is not so much about the other person as it is about oneself. xo OE Edited February 2, 2008 by OldEurope Link to post Share on other sites
Politico Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 ........................ This reminds me of back to the future. Woggle, isn't it time you crossed over to the other side so you don't have to deal with those dreaded and dreadful creatures called women? Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 And so concludes the fears and anxieties of another thread. not so fast. I will probably be making another thread like this. I am just being honest about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 And so concludes the fears and anxieties of another thread. Tune in somewhere around February 10th !!! Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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