kchiapet95 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 A discussion with a friend yesterday led me to start reflecting on my views. I was raised as a member of a very strict religion. I adhered as closely as I could until I was about 20 years old. At that point I started to rebel and by the time I was 22, I was completely out. I used to attend church services 3 times a week for at least an hour per service. The result of this has been that I consider myself agnostic. Since I have that attitude, and since I was raised in such a strict environment, and since I suffer from depression (triple whammy) it's also led to me having this attitude described at the top of the post. I'm gonna die eventually, who knows what's at the end. When I was religious I was worried about punishment from God, and that wasn't good either, because my actions were motivated by fear, not out of love for God. Now, I just want to live my life, and enjoy it, even it it's not necessarily good for me. This has caused me to take risks and chances and make poor decisions. I'm thinking I'll wake up one day at a certain age (say 40, just because it sounds good) and I'll say, "I want to live!" But because of all the damage I'm doing now, maybe it'll be too late. Agnostics, atheists and religious people alike, I would like advice if you have ever faced this situation, how you have overcome this line of thought. I'm posting it in the spirituality section because I believe religion is a large part of my attitude, but my depression and my youth also account for this viewpoint. I'd like to change, but I'm not sure how. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 The reason that you think like this is the strictness of your religious background. You are rebelling against the confines much like a child rebells against parents who are too strict. The fact that you are even questioning your behavior says to me that the changes that you want to implement in your life have already started. We all do stupid things and take incredible risks when we are young as we don't believe that we will ever be 50 or 60. Most of us survive quite well, in spite of any damage that we may have done. Reflection is good, although I wonder if you are being too hard on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Now, I just want to live my life, and enjoy it, even it it's not necessarily good for me. Wanting to embrace life and all it's wonderful possibilities is never wrong! Forget what you have been taught and do and live according to your own personal system of beliefs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Thank you Kasan. I think I'm reflecting because I'm getting older, I just had that birthday and it's making me think, "What am I doing in my life? Am I truly happy?" And the tumult of the past year is causing me to think. I want this to be a better year. I want to choose a better path. I want to do everything in my power to be the best Chia Pet I can be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 I had added some and it got lost. I was just replying to thank you Marlena. I have learned from my mistakes, and I'll make more and I'll learn more. I just wonder if on occasion I am being too reckless in my "zest for life". I don't do drugs but I drink too much on occasion, I'm impulsive, I love with all my heart and don't think clearly sometimes. Maybe I'm a little too reckless? I'm trying to figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Kchia, I agree 100% with Kasan. Don't be too hard on yourself. You've already begun to change. Big step right there!!! TF Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Maybe your strict upbringing is making you feel like you are doing some bad things... What are those things?? You don't do drugs... That sounds good. You say you drink a lot, what is a lot? Look at it like this... Don't do things that hurt other people, and take care of yourself. Don't forget to have fun but also be a more or less responsible member of society. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I had added some and it got lost. I was just replying to thank you Marlena. I have learned from my mistakes, and I'll make more and I'll learn more. I just wonder if on occasion I am being too reckless in my "zest for life". I don't do drugs but I drink too much on occasion, I'm impulsive, I love with all my heart and don't think clearly sometimes. Maybe I'm a little too reckless? I'm trying to figure it out. M O D E R A T I O N ! You can enjoy life Kchia. Just don't get carried away to a point where it wreaks havoc on your life. You've noticed the possible recklessness in time to step back & say " settle down" . Live life, but take your time!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 "What am I doing in my life? Am I truly happy?" And the tumult of the past year is causing me to think. I want this to be a better year. I want to choose a better path. Every year, I take inventory of my life, and I still ask myself these questions, as there is always room for growth and improvement. Some years are better than others. For me, it's about living a good life without regrets, which can be hard. We all make mistakes, learn from them, and most importantly, forgive ourselves for these mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I just wonder if on occasion I am being too reckless in my "zest for life". I don't do drugs but I drink too much on occasion, I'm impulsive, I love with all my heart and don't think clearly sometimes. Maybe I'm a little too reckless? I'm trying to figure it out. Kchiapet, Get off the merry-go-round for a while. You have been through a lot of trauma. Fold within, lay still and gather your strength. Do not be afraid of this time with yourself. Embrace it. Nuture it as you would a baby. Rediscover yourself..the person you have become and reach out to the person you want to be. There is time for action later on when you are in a stronger place. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself the time to heal and heal well. Once you are there, then, go out and conquer life with a confidence that no one can take away from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Marlena--that was beautiful. Thank you. Lovelorcet--I don't drink very often but when I do, I binge drink. I do this at least once a month with my friends. I can't drink very much, I am a lightweight when it comes to alcohol so it doesn't take much for me to get drunk. Also, as Marlena correctly stated, I've been through a lot of trauma lately, and even my casual drinking has increased, a glass of wine while playing cards a few nights a week, when I never used to drink during the week at all. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Like it has been said already: MODERATION How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 I just turned 25. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I was also raised in a very protective, strict home...there was also physical abuse in my home. I was a high achiever but I was very repressed. When I was kicked out of my house I went buck wild. Unlike you, I dabbled in drugs, but I also developed an alcohol problem. All I have to say is, seek out individual counseling to address the issues that you know you have - dealing with the backlash of growing up in a rigid, oppressive home, depression. You may find there are other issues that exist as well. Be aware that overindulgence is extremely harmful to yourself. You don't want to deal with the consequences that I had to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 chia, it doesn't sound like you're any different than the rest of us (regardless of age) who wake up and wonder how life can be better, and what can change to bring that about. If anything, I've learned that when you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything, even when you feel you're too old! Just remember to look at the future, not the past, and remind yourself that "today is the first day of the rest of my life" rather than "I've pissed away so much time that I've only got X days left." You know, concentrating on the glass is half-full way, optimistic way of viewing things, rather than the half-empty pessimism that threatens to overcome us when we focus on our failures. This has caused me to take risks and chances and make poor decisions. I'm thinking I'll wake up one day at a certain age (say 40, just because it sounds good) and I'll say, "I want to live!" But because of all the damage I'm doing now, maybe it'll be too late. poor decisions are pretty much a given in life, but the good news is that you can learn from them and make them the basis of better decisions, and there's always time/room for improvement. You're never too old, it's never too late to better yourself in the ways that you want – it's only too late when you're dead and you aren't physically or mentally able to do what you want/need to do to effect those changes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kchiapet95 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Thank you blind_otter. I am seeing a therapist, I have been for over a year now. One of the things I talked with her about was that I have this feeling I will die young. A lot of people in my family have. It fuels my outlook, and yet I also want to avoid the pitfall...my therapist says that whenever I start thinking I'll have a short life to think about goals I want to achieve in the future and work toward them. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) When I was religious I was worried about punishment from God, and that wasn't good either, because my actions were motivated by fear, not out of love for God. Now, I just want to live my life, and enjoy it, even it it's not necessarily good for me. Agnostics, atheists and religious people alike, I would like advice if you have ever faced this situation, how you have overcome this line of thought. I'm posting it in the spirituality section because I believe religion is a large part of my attitude, but my depression and my youth also account for this viewpoint. I'd like to change, but I'm not sure how. Hi, kchiapet95 The spirit of condemnation which depress you doesn't come from God, it is spirit of this world. I was an atheist before, in my early 20' I was converted to Christianity. Since then it is like a journey, sometimes difficult, sometimes wonderful, sometimes amazing, but in the long term sense the fruits of it are peace, rejoice and freedom. Your post reminds me the early stage I just became a Christian, I knew God exists, I feared God would punish me if I do wrong things, but the more I fear wrong things wrong thought, the more I committed them, how ironic. But as the journey goes on, and I learned more about words of God, I found that I had many wrong concepts about God, about kingdom, it was those wrong ideas about God about kingdom which kept me in fear and anxious and rebellion. God doesn't give us spirit of fear, but give us spirit of faith, light, hope, courage and freedom. Actually God gives us his Holy Spirit to teach us and comfort us on a daily basis, the more we honor Him and obey Him, the more we can hear from Him. But first of all we have to learn the words of God very well. It is like spiritual warfare, if we don't use words of God guard our minds, negativness (or evil) will take advange of that, and flood our mind For example, if I did something wrong, if I don't know God is a forgiving God, probably I would think "what God will do to punish me?"(in the beginning I felt like God was watching me if I do wrong and accordly punish me:p), but as I know God is forgiving and more than happy to help me to change, so I would ask God to to reveal to me where I did wrong and forgive me, and give me grace to overcome that. another example, If someone wronged me, if I don't have correct knowledge about God and his words, I would think "wow, god is evil, why he allowed that thing happen to me? why me?" but I know God is a good God, everything He do is for love, so I would think "what God tried to teach me about this situation? where should I improve myself? does God want me to have more patience, more endurance? or if I don't understand, I trust God has good intention behind this thing", but in fact, most of times God just used those situations to teach me, and remove characters that shouldn't in me. Where is Holy Spirit, where is freedom (spiritually speaking). Lord taught us not to worry a bit. I found the more I embrace the words of God, the more I obey Holy Spirit, the more peace and rejoice I can get. many believers still kept in captive of fear and anxiety probably because they didn't guard their mind with words of God (many of them don't communicate with Lord, don't read Bible). Spirit of God tell you truth about you, but spirit of this world will lie to you and cause many fear, anxiety and depressions. I tasted both sides of lives: I can say a life with faith in God is the best. The life without faith isn't "live", it was "pass through", living in sinful pleasure wasn't living but despair. But the life with Faith is truly living, live with a clear consience, enjoy life without sin against God, without fear and anxiety, knowing that God loves you and want to guide you on a daily basis, and achieve dreams with the help of God, because "God gives righteousness desires", what dreams God gave us, He will help us to get that:D whenever I felt negativeness to attack me, I would think about words of God, listen to what God says about his children, listen to Holy Spirit say about me and tell me truth. A good conversation with Lord will set me in peace. wonderful life just begins Did you ever read Joyer Meyer's books? Battlefield of mind How to hear from God how to live a joyful life and some preaching on satellite TV "churchchanel" quite good and positive, and have good understanding about God, many Holy Spirit filled men and women preach on that channel Edited February 1, 2008 by Lovelybird Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Agnostics, atheists and religious people alike, I would like advice if you have ever faced this situation, how you have overcome this line of thought. I'm posting it in the spirituality section because I believe religion is a large part of my attitude, but my depression and my youth also account for this viewpoint. I'd like to change, but I'm not sure how. As a lifelong atheist, I have lived a healthy life of resistance of the long run, rather than an all out breakdown common with many people raised religious. Have you ever seen the documentary "The Devil Playground", about Omish youth in the mid-west. These kids have it rough. Moderation is the key word here. It's not "Eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die!" It's "Eat, drink, be merry, for we will die when we are old and ready." I drink every day. Smoke. I do drugs quite regularly from pot to X to coke. I also seem to be able to handle this better than many people I know. Never been to jail, never had any charges other than traffic violations. I haven't missed a day of work in many many years. Never get sick, cause I eat very well. Never had an STD. Physically fit and too smart for my own good. Just be cool is what I tell my friends (who are known for going on drunken rampages, destroying their friends property and being general idiots). Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I drink every day. Smoke. I do drugs quite regularly from pot to X to coke. I also seem to be able to handle this better than many people I know. Can you not rely on drink and coke and sex? if you strip these things away from you for a while, what do you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Exactly like I feel right now while I am sober at work. Bored, not sad, but not happy either. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Have you tried not use them for a long time? maybe there would be a difficult time you feel you HAVE TO resort to them to get some not bored feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
shadowofman Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Sure I have gone years without doing drugs (always smoked though). And sure sometimes I feel like I should do them to relieve the bordom, but just as often I'll play a board game. I LOVE board games!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 As a lifelong atheist, I have lived a healthy life of resistance of the long run, rather than an all out breakdown common with many people raised religious. Have you ever seen the documentary "The Devil Playground", about Omish youth in the mid-west. These kids have it rough. Moderation is the key word here. It's not "Eat, drink, be merry, for tomorrow we die!" It's "Eat, drink, be merry, for we will die when we are old and ready." I drink every day. Smoke. I do drugs quite regularly from pot to X to coke. I also seem to be able to handle this better than many people I know. Never been to jail, never had any charges other than traffic violations. I haven't missed a day of work in many many years. Never get sick, cause I eat very well. Never had an STD. Physically fit and too smart for my own good. Just be cool is what I tell my friends (who are known for going on drunken rampages, destroying their friends property and being general idiots). This is a pretty extreme example and I think that only a very low percentage of people would be able to balance out a life like that. But if you feel this is the way you want to live your life and you are not hurting people around you, then I think that is what is most important. The joke is people who use religion to explain what doing something is "wrong" is all about have themselves only just adopted what someone told them to think. If you have as a goal: "to live a relative happy and healthy life" I do think that the overwhelming majority of humans will come up with a system of morals which is very adjusted to society. Especially considering the fact that humans are a highly social creature so being on good terms with some kind of community will end up being an indirect goal for most. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Sure I have gone years without doing drugs (always smoked though). And sure sometimes I feel like I should do them to relieve the bordom, but just as often I'll play a board game. I LOVE board games!!!!!!!! good for you have gone years without doing drugs Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 (edited) The joke is people who use religion to explain what doing something is "wrong" is all about have themselves only just adopted what someone told them to think. actually we think NOT as the world told us to think, we think as God and the Holy Spirit to tell us, Holy Spirit inside of us inspires us and put thought in us In fact, most of people don't listen to God have tendency to hear what other 'authority' say, what others do, they image they think for themselves, actually not so, sometimes just collections of wrong informations or missing knowledges Edited February 1, 2008 by Lovelybird Link to post Share on other sites
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