Flirtation Confusion

[Mistycat]

Can anyone please offer their perspective on this?

 

A few weeks ago, I met up with my two male friends for a drink at my regular pub. One brought along a friend of his, who I haven't met before (we'll call him Mr P). I got talking to him and was attracted to him.

 

That week, I called him under a false pretext - number having been supplied by his friend (how naff is that?!!) We were chatting, he said he might be at the pub on Friday and was I going?.

 

So that Friday, me and Male Friend A went to pub, and Mr P turned up on his own (NB. I was with the male friend who doesn't know him that well). Invited them back for a drink. Male Friend skipped off, leaving me with Mr P.

 

Mr P came to sit very close to me on the sofa. Stayed until 4.30 am. Just talking - but I think there was some flirtation e.g. he suggested he would like to dress me from naked, kept asking me to put on my glasses as he found them sexy, kept telling me how cheeky and naughty I was.

 

He called the following Tuesday. Suggested that he and Male Friend B (who knows him very well) came to my flat. They came by for a few hours. Again, he said he would be in the pub on Friday.

 

A couple of text messages and phone calls happened after this, with some suggestive comments.

 

Friday, I met him at the pub with his sister and Male Friend B. Later that night, he called me - phone conversation lasted two hours. Again, I really think there was flirtation. We talked about some VERY risque subjects. As well as 'cute' chat - like, what colour eyes do I have etc. I was smoking while talking, and he said my breath was making him tingle etc etc. But also other, more serious chat, finding out stuff about each other.

 

So far, so good - I'm thinking.

 

Called him last Tuesday on advice from Male Friend A, to ask him what he's up to. Didn't answer phone. Didn't return call.

 

Ask Male Friend A - what's the deal?!! Male Friend A asks ME if Mr P has a girlfriend!! Well - I never asked him, because I assumed Male Friend A would know!!

 

Male Friend A does his homework (i.e. calls Male Friend B - who I can't speak to directly about it as he is a real gossip - how sad is all this?!!), turns out Mr P is seeing someone (don't know if it is serious, long term etc). The person Mr P is seeing has apparently had some family problems this week.

 

Hmmmm. Now I'm a little confused. Sure it's fine to flirt when you're in a relationship. But I feel he has dangled the carrot in front of my face somewhat (and Male Friend A agrees). Why didn't he say he had a girlfriend? Did I misread the signs? I'm 30 years old - why do I sound like I'm 12?!!!

 

So, what's the deal here? Anybody know?!!!

 

Thanks!

[Tony T]

1. " Why didn't he say he had a girlfriend?"

 

Because he didn't want you to have that information. Perhaps he was going to try to seduce you. Perhaps he was going to keep you as an option if things didn't work out with his girlfriend. Perhaps he is thinking about breaking up with his girlfriend and you could slide right in to the slot. Who knows? Men lie about this all the time to get in a woman's pants...you ought to know that!!!

 

2. "Did I misread the signs?"

 

Except for the fact that he's seeing somebody, I don't think so. He was obviously interested in you. You had no way of knowing what his agenda was...or is now.

 

3. "I'm 30 years old - why do I sound like I'm 12?!!!"

 

You don't sound 12 to me. However, I can't hear you. If your friends think you sound 12, see a doctor.

 

4. "So, what's the deal here? Anybody know?!!!"

 

I think you should talk about this directly with Mr. P. Tell him you have found out from friends that he is seeing someone. Ask him exactly what the deal is...why he is flirting....why he is leading you on??? He's not likely to tell you the truth...but there's no way we have here of reading his mind.

 

I think you will be best served looking for love elsewhere.