mrgrey Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I am curious if others have been able to become sexually attracted to their husband or wife if they lost it? I have had an affair which has affected my libido toward my wife. But in general even before the affair I was really loosing my attraction toward my wife. I find my wife to be a gorgeous person but not attracted as much to her body and sexually. This in turn kills my drive to want to have sex. I know I know what people are going to say about bodies and life and such. I get it but I still have to find a way to get my libido back towards her. So I am curious what others have done or what their experiences are? Link to post Share on other sites
IM5150 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I'm in the same boat. I've been married for 11 years and I've lost any sexual attraction to my wife. If I had any it must have been in the very early stages. When we have sex it's straight and to the point. When we kiss it's a peck on the lips. i haven't made out with her in years. My excuse is that I'm not the kissy type. That's a big lie. I love kissing. Just not my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 This kind of freaks me out (I'm a wife). What do you think caused this to happen? Did she change, gain weight, get sloppy? Or is it just boring to be with the same woman, same body, over and over again? I'd hate to think that no matter what I do to stay appealing, that eventually he'll just get bored. I mean, I can't morph into a different person. Link to post Share on other sites
maritallyconfused Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Wow IM, I am in the same situation. I have not been much attracted to my wife in years for various reasons.. See my other posts.. I love her so much but now that I have tasted the forbidden fruit its even worse. Being in late 30's does not help, not that its old but that spark just is not there. The other problem and also a HUGE help, is that I nibble on viagra. I suggest you try it. Get some 50 mg tabs and take like half of it or just get 25mg tabs. That helps get things rollin for sure. But I think the downfall of that is the psychological aspect of needing that all the time... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 with my first ex.. lost all sex drive with him... but I knew I would get it back with a new partner... and I did.. I just went crazy when I left him... So, in my experience, I didn't loose my libido...I just lost my 'sexual desire' towards him... And no.. I don't believe you can get it back once the desire dies, it's dead... it will only revive with a new partner. That's my experience anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I am curious if others have been able to become sexually attracted to their husband or wife if they lost it? I have had an affair which has affected my libido toward my wife. But in general even before the affair I was really loosing my attraction toward my wife. I find my wife to be a gorgeous person but not attracted as much to her body and sexually. This in turn kills my drive to want to have sex. I know I know what people are going to say about bodies and life and such. I get it but I still have to find a way to get my libido back towards her. So I am curious what others have done or what their experiences are? Yes you can get that attraction back! Its all about your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I know Lizzie I have been in the same situation with exes. I hate to tell you this Mrgrey but if you aren't feeling it anymore you can bet she isn't either and is wondering the same thing as you. I think you need to talk to your w about your concerns as she may be relieved to know you feel the same way. Let's hope she doesn't at some point decide to pay you back by having her own affair - if she did it would certainly revive your sexual desire for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sierra Sunrise Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I lost all sexual attraction to my husband for six years. It is truly about your daily thoughts and what your mind produces. I think this wholeheartedly. I got mine back after I sat down and really cleared my mind and stop putting just the negative in my mind. We have a happy healthy sex life today and I desire him more than ever. He has always desired me, even through pregnancies, after the pregnancy, you know the period where you're still feeling like a mack truck and feel about as sexy as Marge Simpson. So if you truly want it back then yes I think you will get it back. Having affairs does not help in the slightest. Been there and done that and that is a sure fire way to blocking getting your desire back at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I've lost it and it does not seem that I will get it back. I'm a big kisser and I am very verbal in bed. Two things my SO is not. So, I start the search for someone who is more like me, sexually and sensuously. It's so sad, but true. Incapability in bed is very tough to overcome, most don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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