samamelia Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hello All- I have read some terrific threads, I am going to post mine...hopefully it will have some great, rich, helpful thoughts and perspectives... Here's the spiel: Recently, I asked my boyfriend for his password to MySpace...Something inside me just told me something wasn't right with MySpace...i think it's because he started updating his pic profile etc...but then again it was with the camera I bought him for XMas...at any rate... My boyfriend asked me why I wanted it, and I told him I was gonna look in his account...(although he states he does not recall that was my response)...Anyways, when I logged into his account, there was a request from a female (he states he knew from high school...he's 29 now)to be added as his friend...Started out, what I would deem, innocently...They had the regular casual hey, how's it goin type dialogue...My problem began with her e mails to him regarding the blogs he had on the MySpace...he had written of his past relationship, and I truly know it was very dramatic and painful ending for him...I have read them myself...this girl's comment was she hoped she was over this girl...He never made a mention of indeed he was and that he was in fact in a new relationship with anyone... Anyways, to make an even longer story shorter, one response from him was regarding her pics on her page...Quote: Wow, beautiful pics...I'm speachless, and I am not even speaking...That set me off! In one of the later passages, he made a comment of how pretty he thought she was in high school and it remains true, even more so today...There was continued (what I deem) flirting as she stated how he only has went to her page and looked at her the last couple times he went to her site, and not dropped any messages...she talked about his hair etc etc...All of this, no mention of a girlfriend on his end etc...It is even to the point she has given him her cell phone and God only knows if they text each other and speak... I of course confronted my boyfriend in regards to these, and he got very upset...He stated I invaded his privacy, I am a CIA Agent, and he isn't a child needing supervision etc... We went to a couples counseling session this past week and touched on boundaries and expectations...With the help of the counselor, my boyfriend has agreed to not make comments to women about their appearance, include me in any invites given to other women friends (yeah right friends) for going out etc, and being open, honest, and up front that he is in a long term committed relationship with females as well as males...Also, make us all friends...ie if it is a friend of mine it is a friend of both of us... So, I've been thinking about it now...as we are supposed to write down our expectations regarding our relationship and share them with each other...And I am thinking, online relationships are a no no! This is why...I thought about my bf mo...he doesn't really "go out" he wouldn't meet at a bar with someone, we don't go dancing...we both don't enjoy the atmosphere...there would never really be an opportunity to make this female friend, or any other person met online, a friend of mine...My bf is not going to have us in a group e mail discussion, we aren't going to have 3 way phone calls...we aren't having 3 way text messages! And just because she 'knows' about me doesn't mean we 'know' each other, and that this chic has good boundaries and won't cross them... And can you really call someone you knew in high school and just came in contact with a friend??? I think he is setting himself and our relationship up for disaster...And even if it's unitentional, he is in no other words, breaking the ice for a would be relationship to happen... So, these are my questions... 1.)What are the boundaries of friendships, online or otherwise when in a committed relationship? 2.)Are these types of friendships detrimental to a couples' relationship 3.) When is a friendship going past friendship? I look forward to hearing from you..I had soooo much more to add, but I thought I might loose the audience... Be Blessed... Link to post Share on other sites
Audg1964 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hello All- So, these are my questions... 1.)What are the boundaries of friendships, online or otherwise when in a committed relationship? 2.)Are these types of friendships detrimental to a couples' relationship 3.) When is a friendship going past friendship? I look forward to hearing from you..I had soooo much more to add, but I thought I might loose the audience... Be Blessed... The boundaries of friendships, online or otherwise when in a committed relationship is that the itimacy should be shared with you - not friends and not online. 2. Yes, they are detrimental, because what he's sharing (verbally/in writing) with other people, he should be sharing with you. 3. It goes past friendship when there are secrets between the two of them - sexual or otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
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