My Wife Says That She Doesn't Love Me The Way She Used To

[flavender]

My wife and I have been together for nearly 10 years; married for almost 7 years. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter who loves having her Mom and Dad together. Our anniversary is coming up on February 17th. We are 13 years apart in age. When I met her, she was 20 and I was 33. I had just come out of a 3 1/2 year relationship with no intentions of getting into another right away. I met her and got to know her as a very bright and vibrant young lady. I felt that she was quite mature for her age. We started out with nothing. We were in a 1 BR apartment with no furniture. We had a TV, a clothes dryer and our clothes. Since then, we have been blessed to own a new house, nicer vehicles to drive, and like I said, a precious little girl was born prior to the purchase of the house.

 

We have had a lot of ups and downs along the way. I knew that going into the relationship and thought that love would conquer all. Well I've been enlightened to find out that she now says that she doesn't love me the way she used to.

 

My wife has become very bitter over that last 2 years. First, she wanted to have another baby when my daughter turned 3. I suggested to her that the timing was bad and we needed to be more financially prepared. She suggested that I get a second job to make this happen. It didn't happen. She had a pretty bad traffic accident that totaled her car. Thank God she escaped major injury. The job she currently holds was rejecting her on all of her bids to move to a different department. Her mother (living in South Carolina) became very ill and had to relocate to our house in Georgia. I am at home with her and my daughter in the evenings while she works. So a lot has been going on. I've always supported her during all of these times and continue to do so despite the circumstances.

 

As with any couple, we've had our share of disagreements. However, my philosophy has always been; it's how you communicate during the disagreement. Just to give you an example; She said that I was spending too much time on the computer and I wasn't showing her enough attention. I scaled back to the point that when she would come in from work, I would put the laptop away. She complained about that and said that she doesn't want me to stop completely; just lessen my time online. She said that there's no grey with me; just black or white. I felt like if you are getting what you want, take it in stride. Instead she wanted to tell me how I should adjust. Of course, she feels that I don't get it.

 

The gist of the whole thing is that I have noticed that she doesn't seem to be in this for the "long haul" like I thought. Now I saw an email message that she sent to a male coworker with pictures attached talking about how she misses him.

 

I have always respected her and never thought about another person. I feel as though I have lived by the vows that I took almost 7 years ago. She on the other hand has gotten so rebellious that it is down right disrespectful.

 

She says that we are both different people but she is not willing to adapt to the changes that come with marriage. I don't have a problem with adapting but when there's so much disrespect from the new person; I just can't take it. I just want her to treat me with the same respect that I treat her with. When I say that, she says that I too sensitive. She feels that she should be able to say whatever she feels (no matter how insulting) and I'm supposed to take it with a "grain of salt". I just don't know what else to do. She told me that if I can make her be in love with me like before, everything would be fine.

 

Don't get me wrong; by no means am I a perfect husband; I've made mistakes as well. But that's all a part of marriage. I realize that it takes work. And I've always felt as though our love would get us through anything. But for some reason when things don't go as though she feels it should, she's ready to bolt for the exits. It's like she has a script for us to follow and when it doesn't follow it to a tee; she get frustrated. I'll keep praying and hope that she realizes just how blessed she really is.

[sadhubby]

13 years difference she married when she was 20 she is feeling like she is missing something. i married mine when she was 20 i raised her duaghter like my own i am 7 years older and i think my wife started to look at me like an old guy she wanted to be young and free again. the age thing can really freak them out my stbx wife is almost 30 and she left for a younger dude wich has already dumped her. my wife would say things like you look younger with your hair cut short !! big flag there!! is there anyone else your wife might be talking too?

[flavender]

I really feel this could be the case. At first she was so fascinated with me being older and more settled. When a long time friend suggested that I meet her, I was somewhat reluctant because of her age. I thought that she would probably be wild and loose. Quite the contrary; she said all of the right things and seemed like a very responsible person with all of the right intentions. But now it's like she's got some catching up to do and marriage is in her way. I've always felt that she was the greatest mother and wife. But now it's like something is driving a wedge in our relationship.

[cicada]

My wife and I have been together for nearly 10 years; married for almost 7 years. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter who loves having her Mom and Dad together. Our anniversary is coming up on February 17th. We are 13 years apart in age. When I met her, she was 20 and I was 33. I had just come out of a 3 1/2 year relationship with no intentions of getting into another right away. I met her and got to know her as a very bright and vibrant young lady. I felt that she was quite mature for her age. We started out with nothing. We were in a 1 BR apartment with no furniture. We had a TV, a clothes dryer and our clothes. Since then, we have been blessed to own a new house, nicer vehicles to drive, and like I said, a precious little girl was born prior to the purchase of the house.

 

We have had a lot of ups and downs along the way. I knew that going into the relationship and thought that love would conquer all. Well I've been enlightened to find out that she now says that she doesn't love me the way she used to.

 

My wife has become very bitter over that last 2 years. First, she wanted to have another baby when my daughter turned 3. I suggested to her that the timing was bad and we needed to be more financially prepared. She suggested that I get a second job to make this happen. It didn't happen. She had a pretty bad traffic accident that totaled her car. Thank God she escaped major injury. The job she currently holds was rejecting her on all of her bids to move to a different department. Her mother (living in South Carolina) became very ill and had to relocate to our house in Georgia. I am at home with her and my daughter in the evenings while she works. So a lot has been going on. I've always supported her during all of these times and continue to do so despite the circumstances.

 

As with any couple, we've had our share of disagreements. However, my philosophy has always been; it's how you communicate during the disagreement. Just to give you an example; She said that I was spending too much time on the computer and I wasn't showing her enough attention. I scaled back to the point that when she would come in from work, I would put the laptop away. She complained about that and said that she doesn't want me to stop completely; just lessen my time online. She said that there's no grey with me; just black or white. I felt like if you are getting what you want, take it in stride. Instead she wanted to tell me how I should adjust. Of course, she feels that I don't get it.

 

The gist of the whole thing is that I have noticed that she doesn't seem to be in this for the "long haul" like I thought. Now I saw an email message that she sent to a male coworker with pictures attached talking about how she misses him.

 

I have always respected her and never thought about another person. I feel as though I have lived by the vows that I took almost 7 years ago. She on the other hand has gotten so rebellious that it is down right disrespectful.

 

She says that we are both different people but she is not willing to adapt to the changes that come with marriage. I don't have a problem with adapting but when there's so much disrespect from the new person; I just can't take it. I just want her to treat me with the same respect that I treat her with. When I say that, she says that I too sensitive. She feels that she should be able to say whatever she feels (no matter how insulting) and I'm supposed to take it with a "grain of salt". I just don't know what else to do. She told me that if I can make her be in love with me like before, everything would be fine.

 

Don't get me wrong; by no means am I a perfect husband; I've made mistakes as well. But that's all a part of marriage. I realize that it takes work. And I've always felt as though our love would get us through anything. But for some reason when things don't go as though she feels it should, she's ready to bolt for the exits. It's like she has a script for us to follow and when it doesn't follow it to a tee; she get frustrated. I'll keep praying and hope that she realizes just how blessed she really is.

 

My husband and I are in the same situation exept that he seems like he wants to bolt all the time not me . whenever i want to discuss an issue he tells me this is why he wants to get the hell away from me . I respect that you are trying to work it out with your wife even though you have been through so much . that is what makes you a man. you have strength to try to work on things. I dont know why some people just want to bolt . i think they just dont know how to communicate. .. it is really hard. i always tell myself .. you can't change anyone ., they are the way they are ,you can only change yourself. but it is hard to watch someone walk away when you know that you two could have it all .. but that's what you have to do sometimes, trust me i know it hurts. you will probobly see me here talking about my issues if mine doesnt get better . good luck.

[LostHusband]

That sounds a lot like my situation. Everything from the not giving her attention when I am on the computer, to her saying we are two different people, to the corresponding with a coworker, to me always thinking our love would get us through anything. You skimmed over the coworker fact a bit, but it sounds like your wife has been having an emotional affair with this other man. That really makes them see all of the negative things in you - it puts their feelings for you in a cloud. Unfortunately once this happens they may never come out of it. She may realize what she has - but it may take some time apart for her to see it, don't try and beg and plead with her, it will only push her away.

[flavender]

She seems to do the things that she does intentionally to only hurt me emotionally. She gets off work at 10 P.M. It's about an hour drive home. It's no reason that she should be getting home after midnight. I've been feeling a lot of rage. I'm afraid I may snap if I don't get away from her soon. The "I DON'T GIVE A DAM" attitude is horrible.

[flavender]

That sounds a lot like my situation. Everything from the not giving her attention when I am on the computer, to her saying we are two different people, to the corresponding with a coworker, to me always thinking our love would get us through anything. You skimmed over the coworker fact a bit, but it sounds like your wife has been having an emotional affair with this other man. That really makes them see all of the negative things in you - it puts their feelings for you in a cloud. Unfortunately once this happens they may never come out of it. She may realize what she has - but it may take some time apart for her to see it, don't try and beg and plead with her, it will only push her away.

I know you told me not to continue pleading to her, but I slipped last night and di just that. And of course, she was cold as ever. In fact, she slept in the den for the second night in a row. I'm having such a hard time dealing with the cruel treatment. My emotions tend to get away from me at times. Some days are high and some low. I'm really trying to hold it together for my daughter. That's the part that really breaks my heart; how this is going to affect her. I try to look at things as though God is trying to tell me something. I have also felt as though maybe it would be better if I were dead. But then I think; "What will that do for my child?" I just don't know what to do.

[flavender]

My husband and I are in the same situation exept that he seems like he wants to bolt all the time not me . whenever i want to discuss an issue he tells me this is why he wants to get the hell away from me . I respect that you are trying to work it out with your wife even though you have been through so much . that is what makes you a man. you have strength to try to work on things. I dont know why some people just want to bolt . i think they just dont know how to communicate. .. it is really hard. i always tell myself .. you can't change anyone ., they are the way they are ,you can only change yourself. but it is hard to watch someone walk away when you know that you two could have it all .. but that's what you have to do sometimes, trust me i know it hurts. you will probobly see me here talking about my issues if mine doesnt get better . good luck.

I hope and pray that things get better for you. I just don't understand what did I ever do so bad to deserve this type of treatment. I'm obviously in denial and I can't shake it. I guess I will have to bite the bullet and bear it. I have been told so often that time will heal me. It's nothing like I've had to endure before. I'll get as much teaching from church as I can get. I'll continue to ask the Lord to keep my heart pure. This type of thing has a tendency to bring the worst out of a person.

[dbtmarley]

I feel your pain. Having been divorced twice your post brought back a lot of painful memories... AND I MEAN A LOT! Here I am on my third marriage and find myself doubting this whole devotion thing all the time because of what happened to me before and what is happening to you now.

 

Your story mirrors a lot of what happened in my second marriage. I don't think age difference plays as much a factor as just simply falling out of love. My ex wife was only a year younger than me and she was pulling the same behavior yours is.

 

In my experience once they start acting that way it is impossible to bring them back. Unfortunate for both of you (as it was for me and my ex) they realize what they had once both of you have moved on. I've had both my ex wives talk to me about what a mistake it was to leave and how they wish they hadn't.

 

I mean I am in no way the greatest guy on earth, but dating is different now then when I was younger. People are different period. Because of this it makes meeting someone and getting to know them wholeheartedly even more difficult. Unfortunately we make decisions to go down this road and unknowingly F up the best thing we had.

 

It would be cool if the grass was always greener on the other side, both for them (the leaver) and for us. That's just not the case though is it.

 

Your wife loves you, trust me on that. She is just not in love with you any more. I give my opinion based on my own experience. It does not make her a bad person and it does not make you a failure. As hard as it is you may have to start preparing yourself for life without her. It was difficult for me to understand at the time and I know it is difficult for you.

 

You can try like hell to get her back. Try man, try everything you can think of, but I can almost guarantee it is too late.

 

For her to treat you this way and sleep fine by herself tells me a lot. It should you too. Imagine yourself treating someone that way and what your mindset would have to be to do so. Your feelings for that person would not be along the lines of feelings of being in love now would it?

[flavender]

I feel your pain. Having been divorced twice your post brought back a lot of painful memories... AND I MEAN A LOT! Here I am on my third marriage and find myself doubting this whole devotion thing all the time because of what happened to me before and what is happening to you now.

 

Your story mirrors a lot of what happened in my second marriage. I don't think age difference plays as much a factor as just simply falling out of love. My ex wife was only a year younger than me and she was pulling the same behavior yours is.

 

In my experience once they start acting that way it is impossible to bring them back. Unfortunate for both of you (as it was for me and my ex) they realize what they had once both of you have moved on. I've had both my ex wives talk to me about what a mistake it was to leave and how they wish they hadn't.

 

I mean I am in no way the greatest guy on earth, but dating is different now then when I was younger. People are different period. Because of this it makes meeting someone and getting to know them wholeheartedly even more difficult. Unfortunately we make decisions to go down this road and unknowingly F up the best thing we had.

 

It would be cool if the grass was always greener on the other side, both for them (the leaver) and for us. That's just not the case though is it.

 

Your wife loves you, trust me on that. She is just not in love with you any more. I give my opinion based on my own experience. It does not make her a bad person and it does not make you a failure. As hard as it is you may have to start preparing yourself for life without her. It was difficult for me to understand at the time and I know it is difficult for you.

 

You can try like hell to get her back. Try man, try everything you can think of, but I can almost guarantee it is too late.

 

For her to treat you this way and sleep fine by herself tells me a lot. It should you too. Imagine yourself treating someone that way and what your mindset would have to be to do so. Your feelings for that person would not be along the lines of feelings of being in love now would it?

Thank you for that valuable advice. She seems pretty sure about what she wants. Take a look at this email message that has surfaced and tell me what you think.

 

Hey u.. just got finished working out so I'm about to get in the tub.. The most recent news at work is that we are losing 3 people as of tomorrow Tj, Necole, and Grace all got the same position. Chaun, Deidra, & Tiffany will not be going to Latrese team because of that( well at least thats what they told them yesterday). We are celebrating the birthdays today @ work and I guess Necole and Grace going away.

Still have not heard anything about the job.

This has been 6 long days, I hope you miss me as much as I miss you. I hope you feel better..

Here are a few more pictures(to add to your collection) I dont think you've seen yet..

I cant wait to see you..

Smooches !!

Sheida

 

This particular guy is someone that she was working on a new software program for the department she works in. I remember seeing a lot of calls on her phone activity list to the same number. I asked her about it and she went ballistic. She said it was her frien KJ. (The same guy) She mentioned to me that he has feminine tendancies at times that make him seem gay. I guess that was to throw me off. She had the password changed on the account to prevent me from viewing activity. Now that this email message has come to light, it all makes sense now. This has angered me so to the point I want revenge. I know that it is not the way to solve the problem. But I am so hurt that I just pray and ask God to keep my heart pure. Then I thought if I was dead, then I wouldn't have to deal with the pain anymore. I try self motivation all the time. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. I really want to leave the house, but the mortgage is in both of our names. Plus I don't want to create any more financial burdens. Not to mention her elderly mother is living with us now. She tends to take my side on a lot of things which angers my wife as well. I only keep hoping that his will turn around. But in the back of my mind I know that there is probably no hope and divorce will happen. One thing that I don't do is talk bad about her to my daughter. She didn't ask to be here. Keep posting; it does help.

[Confused9]

Your story is sort of similiar to mine in the sense that my x is a complete @sshole to me. I ran around believing every lie he told me about their being no one else, we are too different, he needs to work things out in his head, etc. etc. but there was another woman the whole time.

 

I begged and pleaded and was confused as h*ll and tried to make it work. But, he had already checked out. He was done. Head over heals for the OW. So...I had no other choice but to move on. I didn't take that so easily and was kicking and screaming the whole time. But, I am doing it. Everyday I am moving forward. I take steps back...all the time and still miss him and love him but he treats me like sh*t. Absolute sh*t. I don't deserve that and niether do you. H*ll they don't deserve us.

 

Your wife is probably rewriting history in order to make herself feel better for what she is doing or is about to do. Don't start blaming yourself or what you could have, would have, should have done. It's not worth the time or energy. There is nothing you could have done and nothing you can do.

 

Now's your time to make yourself happy. I suggest preparing yourself for the worst. just in case. Also, get in to therapy and post here a lot. This place has been wonderful for me. I woudl have never got through this without it. I just wish I found the site first.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

I have fallen out of love with my H. Years of emotional neglect and loneliness compounded with co-workers and strangers telling me how terrific I am, has lead me to the same situation your wife is in.

 

I have asked my husband for a divorce and he said no that I will have to initiate everything. Well, that's what I am doing. Which makes me think, he was rarely there ever so why not do this on my own and find happiness within.

 

A friend told me that if a woman wants out, there is no hope for the marriage.

 

It maybe the case.

[dbtmarley]

Take a look at this email message that has surfaced and tell me what you think.

 

Hey u.. just got finished working out so I'm about to get in the tub.. The most recent news at work is that we are losing 3 people as of tomorrow Tj, Necole, and Grace all got the same position. Chaun, Deidra, & Tiffany will not be going to Latrese team because of that( well at least thats what they told them yesterday). We are celebrating the birthdays today @ work and I guess Necole and Grace going away.

Still have not heard anything about the job.

This has been 6 long days, I hope you miss me as much as I miss you. I hope you feel better..

Here are a few more pictures(to add to your collection) I dont think you've seen yet..

I cant wait to see you..

Smooches !!

Sheida

 

This particular guy is someone that she was working on a new software program for the department she works in. I remember seeing a lot of calls on her phone activity list to the same number. I asked her about it and she went ballistic. She said it was her frien KJ. (The same guy) She mentioned to me that he has feminine tendancies at times that make him seem gay. I guess that was to throw me off. She had the password changed on the account to prevent me from viewing activity. Now that this email message has come to light, it all makes sense now. This has angered me so to the point I want revenge. I know that it is not the way to solve the problem. But I am so hurt that I just pray and ask God to keep my heart pure. Then I thought if I was dead, then I wouldn't have to deal with the pain anymore. I try self motivation all the time. Sometimes it works and sometimes not. I really want to leave the house, but the mortgage is in both of our names. Plus I don't want to create any more financial burdens. Not to mention her elderly mother is living with us now. She tends to take my side on a lot of things which angers my wife as well. I only keep hoping that his will turn around. But in the back of my mind I know that there is probably no hope and divorce will happen. One thing that I don't do is talk bad about her to my daughter. She didn't ask to be here. Keep posting; it does help.

 

 

We can analyze it all we want and of course sitting where you and I are sitting she is just an adulterous whore. That email may mean everything or it could mean nothing. What purpose does it serve other than to anger you? You do not need proof for what you already feel and... of course what she is already showing you..

 

You to figure out what it is that you want to do at this point.

 

Do you want to free yourself from all this mess and move on with your life? Forget all that mortgage crap... I've been through that. While stressful it was not the main reason I lost sleep over being brokenhearted or jilted. Mortgages, credit cards ... all that gets worked out later.

 

Your feelings... What do you want to do?

[dbtmarley]

I have fallen out of love with my H. Years of emotional neglect and loneliness compounded with co-workers and strangers telling me how terrific I am, has lead me to the same situation your wife is in.

 

I have asked my husband for a divorce and he said no that I will have to initiate everything. Well, that's what I am doing. Which makes me think, he was rarely there ever so why not do this on my own and find happiness within.

 

A friend told me that if a woman wants out, there is no hope for the marriage.

 

It maybe the case.

 

Damn those frickin co-workers!!!

 

I agree with you Blue Eyed. You know this guy's post really hits home with me. I don't know if it's because my wife's cat died last night and I am just emotional about it or if it's because of my previous failed marriages.

 

Anyhow....

 

I once heard it takes a woman 3 minutes to fall out of love... kind of funny when you think about it. I guess that's how long it takes the co-workers comment to sink in.

[Confused9]

I once heard it takes a woman 3 minutes to fall out of love... kind of funny when you think about it. I guess that's how long it takes the co-workers comment to sink in.

I wonder if that is true? If it is...FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH YOU STUPID, LYING, CHEATING, CON-ARTIST, RUDE, ALCOHOLIC, @SSHOLE X FIANCE CONFUSED9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fall out of love, now. He doesn't love you...stop loving him.

 

(I hope that works...check back in 3 minutes!)

[Confused9]

Blue eyed...is that you in your avatar picture?

[Blue Eyed Brain]

I once heard it takes a woman 3 minutes to fall out of love... kind of funny when you think about it. I guess that's how long it takes the co-workers comment to sink in.

 

I wonder if that is true? If it is...FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH YOU STUPID, LYING, CHEATING, CON-ARTIST, RUDE, ALCOHOLIC, @SSHOLE X FIANCE CONFUSED9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fall out of love, now. He doesn't love you...stop loving him.

 

(I hope that works...check back in 3 minutes!)

 

 

Okay....so, did it work? If not, let me know - I maybe able to offer some suggestions.....

[Confused9]

NO!!!!

 

It didn't work.

 

I know you've read some of my threads so you know how much of an @ss he has been to me. But, I love him dearly still.

 

HELP ME!

[dropdeadlegs]

I don't for a minute believe that it takes 3 minutes for a woman to fall out of love. However, I do think that once "I don't love you the way I used to" comes out of her mouth, it's all but over. Most women emotionally leave the marriage/relationship over a period of months or years and don't say anything until they are mentally packed and ready to ship out. Many don't feel the same need to stay for the children because most women retain custody of the kids and that part of their life changes very little. Women are absent one man, while men are absent the entire family, often.

 

I'm sorry, flavender. I know how much it hurts to hear those words because I've heard them myself. I stayed and worked on the marriage for a year and a half and wish I hadn't done that. My story is too long, but maybe I could have prevented some REAL pain had I just left when he said he didn't love me like that anymore, because he sure showed it without a doubt later. Strangely enough, he stalked and harassed me after I filed for divorce.

 

I wish I could give you some positive vibes. That email initially sounded like innocent communication with a coworker, but the last part sounded like she was speaking to a boyfriend. Exchanging pictures? Sounds intimate to me. Sleeping in another room is a huge red flag, too. The seven year itch comes to mind, too.

 

What I can give you is support that your life will NOT be over, it will simply take a new direction. With your wife's work hours I believe that you can still be a huge part of your children's every day lives, but it will require some serious adjustments and probably many inconveniences. Young children seem to fare better with coping with those changes, too.

 

I've come from the other side and am so much happier than I ever thought I could be, but I won't lie. It took well over a year to get there. Closer to two years, actually.

 

Sure, you need to fight as hard as you need to in order to feel that you didn't give up easily and gave your all. Just give yourself a time line or breaking point on the front end, because I really think your wife is already gone emotionally. I'm sorry to hurt you by saying so and certainly wish you nothing the best.

[dbtmarley]

I don't for a minute believe that it takes 3 minutes for a woman to fall out of love.

 

 

In the literal sense no. I guess some people just see things in black and white. When I read it, it mainly pertained to an unhappy woman who was being hit on by a co-worker. It took the woman less than 3 minutes she said to decide to throw her 17 year marriage out the window for a man she only knew in a suit.

 

 

I wonder if that is true? If it is...FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH YOU STUPID, LYING, CHEATING, CON-ARTIST, RUDE, ALCOHOLIC, @SSHOLE X FIANCE CONFUSED9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fall out of love, now. He doesn't love you...stop loving him.

 

These are your issues not your husbands! You choose to stay with someone that treats you this way? First work on yourself and once you get better then you will find it easier to fall out of love with someone that treats you like crap!

[flavender]

Thank you all so much! I really believe that there is nothing that can save this. The more I listen to you all, reality is starting to set in. I just need to keep it together for my daughter. I am in the process of looking for a new residence. I think that's the first step. Once I'm out of that house, I can begin the healing process. Just like dbtmarley said, she will eventually regret it. Maybe God is setting me up for something better. I just need to follow his direction because my faith is very strong and I trust that he won't forsaken me.

Edited January 31, 2008 by flavender

[Confused9]

In the literal sense no. I guess some people just see things in black and white. When I read it, it mainly pertained to an unhappy woman who was being hit on by a co-worker. It took the woman less than 3 minutes she said to decide to throw her 17 year marriage out the window for a man she only knew in a suit.

 

 

 

 

These are your issues not your husbands! You choose to stay with someone that treats you this way? First work on yourself and once you get better then you will find it easier to fall out of love with someone that treats you like crap!

 

 

We are NOT together anymore. He left me for the OW about 4 months ago. So...I didn't chose to stay with him. I guess I just chose to still love him.

[dbtmarley]

We are NOT together anymore. He left me for the OW about 4 months ago. So...I didn't chose to stay with him. I guess I just chose to still love him.

 

 

It's hard I know. I know the pain you are going through. So sorry...

[Confused9]

It's okay. I am so sorry for your pain too.

[Gunny376]

It takes years of mental and emotionial neglect combined sometimes with abuse ~ coupled with stress and being taken for granted.

 

Its not always a case of what you did? But, a combination of what you did and didn't do?

 

Such as stopping what you did to get her in the first place? Not helping around the house and with the children without being told ~ or even asked.

 

Women and men not understanding that they truly are different.

 

Not understanding that you can give a dozen roses once or twice a year and earn "one-point" or periodically and unexpectanly given one rose twelve and earn twelve "points"

 

Not understanding that she's more than just a piece of meat ~ touching her, carressing her, cuddling with her, kissing her and it not be a prelude to sex everytime.

 

All of this and much ~ much more?

 

A while I'm not directing this at anyone in particular on this board nor thread, I just saying what it takes to keep a woman? Is what it took to get her to begin with. You've got to "date your mate"

 

But even still it can get crazy, quick, fast and in a hurry like. Why? Because the times have changed, the laws have changed, society and culture has changed.

 

We've got more machines to wash our clothes, cook our meals, clean our dishes. We've got more way of communicating ~ but one of the biggest problem in marriage and relationships is communication?

 

Stress plays a hugh part in all of this and the way men and women handle and react to stress differently

 

Outstanding book I'm currently reading: "When Mars and Vensus Collide ~

Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress" John Gray, Ph.D ISBN 978-0-06-124296-0

 

So to the OP? Don't be so hard on yourself! You didn't know all you needed to know going into it, and you won't know all that you need to know even if you live to be 100.

 

All you can really do is pick yourself up, clean yourself off, learn and grow from the pain ~ and do the best you can to improve yourself. Try to set as a personal goal ~ the goal of reading at least one if not personal relationship book (I recommend two) a year. Enhance your personal skill set when it comes to inter-personal relationships.

 

Gunny