alano7 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) I will try to keep to the facts and not add any opinions .On my wife's day off she sent a text to a neighbour who was at work himself saying" In.just woken up". I asked 2 days later did she ever text the neighbour? She said " no". I said let's check the phone .She went crazy that i didn't trust her threw the phone accross the room and threatened that it was all over if i checked up on her. 2 days later I told her about the text. She was not mad just said it must have been a mistake.I asked whether the realtionship was more than it should be.She said "no".I asked whether he had responded to the text either by phone or text or just mentioned it in passing. She says he has not. 3 days later she made a call to his mobile from home at 10.10 p.m. whilst I was in a hotel away on business.Only 18 seconds long. On her next day off her mobile was turned off for 3 hours . Then it came on and i chatted for 15 minutes.When i asked why was her mobile off she said "low battery". "How then did you speak to me for 15 minutes on it? "She said it's a faulty battery. She wasn't at home and wasn't near a charger. The neighbour used to , annoyingly to me anyway, pop up every day almost .At the door , or come out if my wife especially was outside. We live in a courtyard environment.Since these calls his appearences have fallen dramatically.My wife agrees that this is the case. Do you think she has more than a neighbourly relationship with this guy? Edited January 31, 2008 by alano7 grammar Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I think the answer is pretty obvious. You keep catching her in lies and has no answer for them. I am afraid that she is probably playing you for a fool. Why would you lie unless you have something to hide! Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Her reaction by throwing the phone just says something is up. Has your sex life changed at all? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Her reaction by throwing the phone just says something is up. Has your sex life changed at all? Hang on a second.... Do you often accuse her of cheating? And not just with this guy, but with a few others with no solid proof? I'm just saying I dated a guy who freaked if I looked another guy in the eyes. Even when making a purchase with a male cashier I didn't even know. I flipped out on him eventually. If this isn't your style at all, then is it normal for your girl to have outbursts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alano7 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 You are right there is no solid proof and i have not accused her of having a full blown affair. I have not accused her before in 20 years. I am a jealous guy but recognise that and know it's an issue for me and a reflection of my personality not hers ! We have a fantastic family of 3 children who are everything and I thought a very very good marriage. We are great friends always thought she was great and was so proud of her and frequently told her so.Also aware that we are busy working people, not excessively so but responsibly so, and have 3 young kids who obviously need and get our time. Yes our sex life diminished from high quality but low frequency to zero in the last 3 months. I tried to instigate and was rebuffed until recently . After the first hint of something going on reared its head sex re-appeared. The time line between the first text being discovered and the late phone call being discovered was a month so what was a problem that we were working on happened all over again. Believe it or not both the text and land line call were found without trying.I am not an avid snooper. If I had looked for the land line call I would have found it a month ago soon after the text was seen. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Do you have his mobile phone number and if not, then why does she? Yes, if she isn't cheating she is planning to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alano7 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 I have never accused her of lies just said that her replies are hard to believe. Subtle i know ! There is a chance it's the truth.Small I think !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alano7 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 We both have the number as we frequently give kids,ours and theirs, lifts etc etc. So I have no problem with this.I do ,of cousre, have a problem with sending a text by mistake to him. It's hard to see how you could do that.i mean you select his name from a list and press send.The names either side of his in the memory are not people you could send that text to with any relevance whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 She went crazy that i didn't trust her threw the phone accross the room and threatened that it was all over if i checked up on her. Well my BF can get jealous from time to time and I do everything in my power to reassure him. I would never react like that unless he accused me of cheating all the time. But I pretty much go out of my way to put his mind at ease. Link to post Share on other sites
SeraBella Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 She went crazy about him wanting to check her phone. If she had nothing to hide she would have explained its meaning, not THROWING the phone. Come on. In my opinion, whether he's a jealous man or not, she is hiding SOMETHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Letranger Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 You are tipping your hand too early. Get creative my dear man. Go buy a voice recorder that only records when noise is made. I think even some MP3 players do this now I think. And I would stop being so accusatory. Get her comfortable and have her thinking you are fooled. Link to post Share on other sites
reliance Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 All sounds a bit unusual to me. I have learnt something in life and that's if it doesn't make sense it's because it's a lie. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 If it was a genuine mistake, she would be as surprised as you that it went to the wrong person. As an aside, who does she USUALLY send texts to in a morning telling them she has woken up?? If I was innocent, I'd gladly go through the phone. If I was guilty, I'd throw a tantrum and threaten all sorts of things about trust to divert your attention. Classic guilty behaviour. I'm with Letranger. You need to listen and watch very carefully, don't give away your thoughts. If they think you are onto them, they will just get more clever at hiding it. Try coming home out of the usual times, even it's just to drop in mid-afternoon to pick up something you 'forgot' to take to work that morning. If you are convinced that something is happening, it may be worthwhile enlisting the help of his wife/gf and clue her in. If she cooperates with you, they'll both get busted much quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alano7 Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 4 weeks after she told me she hadn't spoken or texted him and that there was nothing going on and we were both apparently making the effort to move on and recommit to each other and the family I have discovered that she called him one morning after the kids had gone to school and i was not home and put 141 before the number which in the Uk hides your number from the person you are calling. Why ? What is ahe up to? Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 4 weeks after she told me she hadn't spoken or texted him and that there was nothing going on and we were both apparently making the effort to move on and recommit to each other and the family I have discovered that she called him one morning after the kids had gone to school and i was not home and put 141 before the number which in the Uk hides your number from the person you are calling. Why ? What is ahe up to?[/quote Up to no good maybe? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alano7 Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 I guess I'm still looking for the good !! Is it that obvious ? Link to post Share on other sites
THE THRONE Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 What is your gut telling you? Whatever your gut is telling you that is what you need to follow. Personally, THE THRONE thinks you should file for divorce. However, they could be planning a big surprise for you so who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alano7 Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 She has now explained the last call with the reason that it was a practical joke to surprise him.Thats why she with held her number.She had repeatedly promised that she had not been in contact with him.Of course, i am very very sad but it seems to hurt less than last time.I gues the fact that we both put the kids first means that i can stay with her and I do really like her ! We are such good pals.!! I also think she is beautiful even tho she isn't !! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 No.. I don't think she's cheating.. Would you believe all this if it was from your 10-yr old child? Link to post Share on other sites
THE THRONE Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 She has now explained the last call with the reason that it was a practical joke to surprise him.Thats why she with held her number.She had repeatedly promised that she had not been in contact with him.Of course, i am very very sad but it seems to hurt less than last time.I gues the fact that we both put the kids first means that i can stay with her and I do really like her ! We are such good pals.!! I also think she is beautiful even tho she isn't !! Practical joke to surprise him? LMAO! Go and file for divorce or settle for sloppy seconds. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Throwing a phone across the room, making up stories about a practical joke and trying to hide phone calls and phone records...those things are not cool and don't happen in healthy relationships. Even if you were jealous or controlling, she wouldn't be doing those things , right? Whether she is cheating or not is not the biggest problem here. It is that whatever is going on, she's not being fully honest. Why not? Cheating, perhaps, but the dishonest itself is a reason to have an intervention with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Ask yourself this question (providing you love your wife). What would I do/say if she thought I was talking to another woman? Hmmm...Well I bet you would not throw a fit and keep evading the problem, and perhaps try to offer some comfort that everything is okay. The biggest red flag that something is amiss is defense. Unless you have a bad habit of accusing her of everything under the sun, I say you have a valid reason for concern. People who love each other don't have these kind of reactions. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I am sorry my friend but you are in big time denial. She continues to lie to you and play you for a fool. Her stories are simply ridiculous and I think you realize this also. I am sorry for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alano7 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 I know she is hiding something. Now the question is how much? It is unbelievable.What next? Link to post Share on other sites
boo121 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I said let's check the phone .She went crazy that i didn't trust her threw the phone accross the room and threatened that it was all over if i checked up on her. thats a bit of a red flag. and thats quite a controlling comment to make... i'll keep reading. she said "low battery". "How then did you speak to me for 15 minutes on it? "She said it's a faulty battery. She wasn't at home and wasn't near a charger. she is clearly doing something that she doesnt want you to know about. Whether it has something to do with the neighbour, you dont really know. The fact is, you need to tell her to be more honest in your relationship, otherwise you cant trust her. For her to say "it's over between us if you check my phone" is unacceptable. id say to her, "you have about 10 seconds to reform that bad thought you just had, or you're out the door" YOU be the 1 to decide what happens. not her. Do you think she has more than a neighbourly relationship with this guy? I think you need to get to the bottom of the issue. You can't say that she has been cheating, you don't know. How do you get to the bottom of the issue? You ask a lot of direct questions that cut through any game she is playing. Link to post Share on other sites
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