Why am I doing this?

[Kathleen]

I seem to screw up every relationship I get in. I have been engaged to my boy friend for two years now. And I have this guy that I am best friends with, we are very close. Well I dump on my friend all the time. He always is there for me.

 

My boyfriend is emotionaly abusive to me. He dont want me to work. He dont want me to have friends, and he has hit me several times. I always leave and stay at my friends house and go back. The other problem is that I know my friend is in love with me. Two weeks before Christmas I started meeting my friend after my boyfriend would go to sleep.

 

I would tell my friend how bad it is living with him, and then I would start to tell my friend how much I love him and I would start to hug and kiss him. Well we have been very close and on one night I spent the night at his house. He gave me his bed and I asked him if he would sleep with me and share the bed( WE HAD NO SEX). He has a small appartment in his house and offered it to me. I moved out and into my friends place. Then I started hurting him. I started dating an old BF and had him spend the night several times. Me and my friend went to a bar and I started flirting with every guy there, making my friend upset. Now my BF that I am engaged to has sent me flowers and I am moving back with him. But I am leaving some stuff at my friends. My friend told me that from now on I should talk to my BF about the problems, and that he should support me when I have to go to court, doctors, AA, etc.. Why have I done this to my best friend, and why di I feel he will never talk to me. I know I am a flirt, I know that I am selfish,

 

I know that I treat my friend and boyfriends badly. Why and who should I be with?

[KM]

I seem to screw up every relationship I get in. I have been engaged to my boy friend for two years now. And I have this guy that I am best friends with, we are very close. Well I dump on my friend all the time. He always is there for me. My boyfriend is emotionaly abusive to me. He dont want me to work. He dont want me to have friends, and he has hit me several times. I always leave and stay at my friends house and go back. The other problem is that I know my friend is in love with me. Two weeks before Christmas I started meeting my friend after my boyfriend would go to sleep. I would tell my friend how bad it is living with him, and then I would start to tell my friend how much I love him and I would start to hug and kiss him. Well we have been very close and on one night I spent the night at his house. He gave me his bed and I asked him if he would sleep with me and share the bed( WE HAD NO SEX). He has a small appartment in his house and offered it to me. I moved out and into my friends place. Then I started hurting him. I started dating an old BF and had him spend the night several times. Me and my friend went to a bar and I started flirting with every guy there, making my friend upset. Now my BF that I am engaged to has sent me flowers and I am moving back with him. But I am leaving some stuff at my friends. My friend told me that from now on I should talk to my BF about the problems, and that he should support me when I have to go to court, doctors, AA, etc.. Why have I done this to my best friend, and why di I feel he will never talk to me. I know I am a flirt, I know that I am selfish, I know that I treat my friend and boyfriends badly. Why and who should I be with?

Ok, here's the thing, I'm no psychologist, but I'll take a crack at it. I think that you stay in abusive relationships because that's what you are used to. I think that you are so accustomed to being hurt that it's almost like a comfort zone. You don't feel like you're worthy of real love and so you allow all of these horrible people hurt you. I can tell that you don't feel worthy because of the things you've said about yourself. I don't think that you are selfish or a flirt. On the contrary, I think that you need to pay more attention to yourself and look out for your well being. I think that you flirt because maybe when other men pay attention to you, you feel more attractive and special. But in the end, it probably makes you feel cheap-after the fact. I think that you should stop beating yourself up and get away from these abusers. You should surround yourself with the people who really care about you (like your best friend) and cut off all of the people that hurt you. I think the reason that you keep hurting your friend is because you feel hurt and you know that he won't hurt you so in return you hurt him to "get back" at the people that hurt you. Friends like your best friend don't come along often, so even if it seems hard, you should try to heal that friendship. Maybe it will even help you to heal yourself. I think that you should drop all of these men that hurt you, move back in with your best friend, and you should not date any one at all for now. Until you've healed yourself, and your freindship, just be alone for a while. I hope that you get yourself together for your own sake. Stay positive!

[Shirley]

I seem to screw up every relationship I get in. I have been engaged to my boy friend for two years now. And I have this guy that I am best friends with, we are very close. Well I dump on my friend all the time. He always is there for me. My boyfriend is emotionaly abusive to me. He dont want me to work. He dont want me to have friends, and he has hit me several times. I always leave and stay at my friends house and go back. The other problem is that I know my friend is in love with me. Two weeks before Christmas I started meeting my friend after my boyfriend would go to sleep. I would tell my friend how bad it is living with him, and then I would start to tell my friend how much I love him and I would start to hug and kiss him. Well we have been very close and on one night I spent the night at his house. He gave me his bed and I asked him if he would sleep with me and share the bed( WE HAD NO SEX). He has a small appartment in his house and offered it to me. I moved out and into my friends place. Then I started hurting him. I started dating an old BF and had him spend the night several times. Me and my friend went to a bar and I started flirting with every guy there, making my friend upset. Now my BF that I am engaged to has sent me flowers and I am moving back with him. But I am leaving some stuff at my friends. My friend told me that from now on I should talk to my BF about the problems, and that he should support me when I have to go to court, doctors, AA, etc.. Why have I done this to my best friend, and why di I feel he will never talk to me. I know I am a flirt, I know that I am selfish, I know that I treat my friend and boyfriends badly. Why and who should I be with?

 

Hi!

 

It sounds like you have spent a good deal of your life beating yourself up. That's what you're used to, and even though it hurts you, you feel comfortable with that type of life. You really have know idea how to react to someone who cares about you. One things for sure though, you need to stay away from the guy who hits you. You need to start feeling better about yourself. And with this, you will need some help. Your friend that you are sort of living with is a good start. It sounds like he's not judging you for what you are doing, but really cares about you as a person. Those are the types of people you need in your life right now.