Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Right! Good perspective. He's asking for it, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Well you don't believe in marriage or monogomous relationships, so whats the problem? Wrong. I very much believe in marriage and monogamy. This just shows how little you know me. Or you are a very bad reader. Thanks anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 One more thing - hair! Tease it a bit... Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Uncanny! I met my current bf at work, he is French (lived in France and Canada) and was quite the lady's man. Point A is not relevant after a certain age. And even then, a friend of mine has been in very fulfilling relationship with a man 6 years younger... She's a very mature 29 and he's a very much in love 23. Point C is not that big of a deal for me. What makes you think he is a lady's man? Ok so he's never been married, but do you know if he has any long term relationships? Also, I think players are the first to avoid ****ting where they eat. The biggest issue is the work thing, but then it's also a very good reason for you to stand your ground and see what he is made of, as Ariadne pointed out. I honestly think it was my concerns about work and the need to take things slow that made my bf really fall hard for me. It put him in the position of needing to prove that he was serious. That said, we were both contractuals when we worked together, so the work thing - even though it was an issue at the time - wasn't too scary. We still work in the same field, but right now we don't need to work together. What about you guys? How closely do you have to work together? That would play into the equation for me. I would still recommend going on the date. You're a smart woman. I'm sure you will know how to handle this if you decide, after the first date, that you two aren't on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Kamille, Thanks for responding. I am happy for you and your boyfriend. We will be working together for many years to come unless either one of us requests to be transferred. We have tenure in this school. Ariadne is right. Taking it slowly will test his calibre so to speak. I will be a lady. So folks, unfortunately, I guess, I won't have many juicy details to reveal. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Kamille, Thanks for responding. I am happy for you and your boyfriend. We will be working together for many years to come unless either one of us requests to be transferred. We have tenure in this school. Ariadne is right. Taking it slowly will test his calibre so to speak. I will be a lady. So folks, unfortunately, I guess, I won't have many juicy details to reveal. haha! Neither one of us has tenure yet! But now that I know what kind of work you do, pff, Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 One more thing - hair! Tease it a bit... Lyssa, I'll do even better. Tease it and him! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 One of my colleagues, a very handsome and suave gentleman, asked me out on a date yesterday. I wasn't too surprised as there has always been a very strong attraction between us. I said I wasn't sure as I had mades some tentative plans. He said he would call me on Friday night. So, I have one day to think this through and I need your help. The reason why I am somewhat hesitant is a) he is almost ten years younger b) we work together and c) he is somewhat of a ladies' man. There has always been an overpowering attraction between us. I think everyone at our work place feels it too. I can practically hear their whispers. My problem is if I start dating him and something goes wrong I have to see this guy every day for many years to come. it could get awkard to say the lest. This makes me fele uncomfortable. Also, he is much younger and the odds of a serious relationship with him are thin. And he is a ladies' man like I mentioned. Guys, what do you think I should do. Accept or not? Marlena, I think you should very much Accept. the most important thing to remember here is the complatibility. I have meet guy's in my life that were younger and some had much more going on then the men my age!! If you two get along great...this could work out wonderful..don't get hung up on the age..go for it and have fun! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks Answerme, With all the encouragement I am getting on here, I think I will. Thanks so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks Answerme, With all the encouragement I am getting on here, I think I will. Thanks so much. Your Very welcome Marlena! I'll be over here cheering for you! Please do post an update as to how it goes! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Interesting. The first thing that jump right at me when i read the threat was that you KNOW he is a player.... ....and yet you still considering going out with him. (And people are encouraging you!!!! ) I mean....ok some people like the whole idea of no strings attached and what not....but from the "the possibility of long term" comment you gave in the initial post....doesnt look like you're that type. Personally, if i already know a guy is flirting with me is a "lady's man" and is asking me out, I wouldnt even consider it. Why be one more of the pack? Bassically, i believe most of us want to find a decent, respectful man. Then why go for the total opposite? And the whole theory that its fun its pure BS. Sure it might be fun, til u start falling for the guy, and then thinking YOU will change his ways.... In short, he's asking you "wanna get hurt??" and by accepting you're saying "Sure! sounds like fun!" And then the whole thing of working together.....if he's such a ladie's man, imagine how horrible it'll be if things dont work out. You're gonna have to witness him flirting and pulling the same things he pull with you with someone else. Ekkk the whole thing seems really ekky to me. I think if he wasnt such a player...it wouldnt be a big deal...including the whole 10 yr thing...but that knowledge to me is SUCH an obvious red flag/deal breaker/wth are u thinking. Sorry...very passionate anti-player dating right here. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 My 2 cents.... I wouldn't. My number one rule, since I was 18, has been "never date anyone you work with." I did it once, it ended badly. Yuck. Talk about uncomfortable. My number two rule, "Never date a player - you WILL get played." Lots of experience with this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 4give and blind otter, I think this is what is stopping me, too. Not the age, not the workplace. That's why I tossed it out here to get feedback from you people. It's a major red flag - no, he is a major red flag. As was my last boyfiend of eight months or so and that ended up badly. I do not want to go through that again. So prudence tells me no. Let things be. Why would i ever want to be played again at this point in my life? I like mature,well-grounded,stable men who feel secure within their skin. A player is just a kid who needs to play and be the centre of attention constantly. When he doesn't get that attention, he throws a tantrum or just goes on to find another playmate. I know...I know. I guess I am more bored than anything else really. If I decide to go, I think it will me more for the companionship than anything else. I know how to bridle my passion if I see any telltale signs of anything that is displeasing to me. Thanks girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thinking someone is a player and knowing someone is a player are two different things. What is it that you know about him that makes you think he is a player? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 As I thought about it, there is ONE more possible good outcome, but I think it is a less likely outcome, and that is....both of you have a fun time, develop a friendship, and do not let the physical or friendship ruin your work relationship. The biggest problem with this outcome is that the likelihood that BOTH can be prevented from becoming too emotionally involved is really a small probability, IMO...based on experience and observations of others. However, I have seen it happen...and I still remember their names. But if you are a risk taker, it is one to take. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 James, I,too, thought of that possibility but in all honestly I do not think that can happen. He is very physically attracted to me as he has so often displayed. I am as well but not as much as I was three years ago. No, James, sadly it can't turn into friendship which is a shame really as I do like having male friends. I enjoy their company immensely. Kamille, My experience I think and my gut feelings as well. He's, you know, a smooth operator, a charmer with the ladies, knows just what to say and how to say. His body language, his staff room banter. Plus, I know one girl who dated him. Not nice. That's why I stressed right from the start that he is a ladies' man. At perhaps another point in my life, I'd just play along for the fun. Now, I am not so sure I have the energy or stregth. Six months ago, I broke up with a man who played me miserably and perhaps I am still feeling the sting. I do not know if I want to put myself out there again for someone who is plainly high-risk dating material. We'll see. Or my hormones will. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 My experience I think and my gut feelings as well. He's, you know, a smooth operator, a charmer with the ladies, knows just what to say and how to say. His body language, his staff room banter. Plus, I know one girl who dated him. Not nice. That's why I stressed right from the start that he is a ladies' man. At perhaps another point in my life, I'd just play along for the fun. Now, I am not so sure I have the energy or stregth. Six months ago, I broke up with a man who played me miserably and perhaps I am still feeling the sting. I do not know if I want to put myself out there again for someone who is plainly high-risk dating material. We'll see. Or my hormones will. You basically described my bf. Could he be this way because of his stay in Belgium? (How long was he there? More then 6 months?) I don't know what it is that they do to men in those countries but there seems to be a 'smooth operator' imperative, where you always treat all ladies as if they're the most beautiful person on the planet. Still, I think your reservations are reasonable. And like you say, we'll see. And mostly, good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks,sweeetheart. Yes, he was in Belgium for years. That's where he did his Master's Degree in teaching children with special needs. Yes, and he does have that debonair,sophisticated attitude! Thanks, Kamille. I'll sleep on it, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 One of my colleagues, a very handsome and suave gentleman, asked me out on a date yesterday. I wasn't too surprised as there has always been a very strong attraction between us. I said I wasn't sure as I had mades some tentative plans. He said he would call me on Friday night. So, I have one day to think this through and I need your help. The reason why I am somewhat hesitant is a) he is almost ten years younger b) we work together and c) he is somewhat of a ladies' man. There has always been an overpowering attraction between us. I think everyone at our work place feels it too. I can practically hear their whispers. My problem is if I start dating him and something goes wrong I have to see this guy every day for many years to come. it could get awkard to say the lest. This makes me fele uncomfortable. Also, he is much younger and the odds of a serious relationship with him are thin. And he is a ladies' man like I mentioned. Guys, what do you think I should do. Accept or not? If you think you can get involved emotionally with this guy, then I say: stay away... if he's a womanizer plus he works with you..hum.. I don't think it's a good idea. If he wasn't working with you.. then I would say go for it.. I loooove younger men. They are sooo much fun... but I never get attached to them... I don't want to get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 marlena, I won't suggest that you put yourself out there if you feel there is a chance to be hurt. In fact, please don't. I'm looking at this situation as a date, not a relationship, at this point. Good things can come from dates with "players" if you can keep yourself from emotionally investing. It can be a much needed ego boost to be desired, and wined and dined. It can build up your confidence and courage to "put yourself out there" for someone who is worthy. You don't have to "lose" anything unless you choose to. I see it all the time on this forum, admitted players who say that they are up front about their lack of desire for a real relationship, yet they keep the ladies just the same. That says to me that the ladies don't want anything more than a casual thing, or they emotionally invest regardless of the honesty that has been displayed. Players dump those who emotionally invest because they don't desire that investment, nor constraints on their time. To me "player" isn't synonymous with "liar." We're talking about a European man, here. Aren't they all "suave" or is that just in the movies? They can't ALL be misleading liars out to amass notches on their bedposts. Or can they? It all comes down to you, dear. One date rarely puts me over the edge. Several dates offer the chance to make your (and his) expectations known and make an informed decision about further dates. You know more about what transpired between he and the other woman he dated. I would take her story with a grain of salt, though. You can't really know what was said, and what was "heard." Often they differ. You still have a little time to decide and have my support either way you go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 If you think you can get involved emotionally with this guy, then I say: stay away... if he's a womanizer plus he works with you..hum.. I don't think it's a good idea. If he wasn't working with you.. then I would say go for it.. I loooove younger men. They are sooo much fun... but I never get attached to them... I don't want to get hurt. Ah, Lizzie, you understand me well! I knew you would say something like this. I get where you are coming from, perfectly. Have since the day I met you:)! I REFUSE to get hurt again. Maybe I shuld turn into a player? Thanks Lizzie. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Ah, Lizzie, you understand me well! I knew you would say something like this. I get where you are coming from, perfectly. Have since the day I met you:)! I REFUSE to get hurt again. Maybe I shuld turn into a player? Thanks Lizzie. You should... Trust me, it's a lot of fun... On my vacation, I was joking about my freedom and how much fun I was having, and one of the guy said : 'If I was a woman... I would be the worst whore... ' Most men think like that. I think like a man! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 It all comes down to you, dear. One date rarely puts me over the edge. Several dates offer the chance to make your (and his) expectations known and make an informed decision about further dates. This was my initial thinking!! Go out once and take it from there. I agree. After all, we, ladies need to feel desired. Right? We're talking about a European man, here. Aren't they all "suave" or is that just in the movies? They can't ALL be misleading liars out to amass notches on their bedposts. Or can they? Suave my a**! They just think they are. Well, no, not all are liars and want to amass notches on their bedpost. Just the ones I meet. Thanks DDL! Link to post Share on other sites
Author marlena Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Well, OK! I'll confess. I am a binge "player". I know it's a lot of fun. Especially on vacation where nobody knows you:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 This was my initial thinking!! Go out once and take it from there. I agree. After all, we, ladies need to feel desired. Right? Suave my a**! They just think they are. Well, no, not all are liars and want to amass notches on their bedpost. Just the ones I meet. Thanks DDL! Humm.. that is still dangerous.. because you already are attacted to this guy... after the first date ..you might wish for a second, third, etc. but if you can trust yourself for not getting attached.. go for it.. be independant... he'll be the one running for you.. works every time. Link to post Share on other sites
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