Author topper3581 Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 haha, I'm just happy to see a man and a woman get along...gives me hope! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 haha, I'm just happy to see a man and a woman get along...gives me hope! I'm convinced! My next wife should cone fron the Commowealth ~ espescially the UK, Canada or Austrila/New Zelland Link to post Share on other sites
Missy27 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 haha, I'm just happy to see a man and a woman get along...gives me hope! But you know what tops ~~ I PROMISE you ~~ we're not all complete baduun's ~~ there are some crackers out there ~ you just gotta sort the weat from the chaff if you know what I mean.~ Its like the other day ~~ might seem irrelevant ~~ but i'll say anyway ~ I get home from work ~~ hubby's already home ~~ nice surprise ~~ I walk into the kitchen and he says's "RIGHT ~ THATS IT ~IM JUST ABOUT PI$$ED OFF WITH YOU ~ HAD ENOUGH ~~ YOU'VE REALLY GONE & DONE IT THIS TIME" ~~ I say "hey babes Link to post Share on other sites
Missy27 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) haha, I'm just happy to see a man and a woman get along...gives me hope! sorry about the above ~~not quite sure what happened there~~ !!!!! But you know what tops ~~ I PROMISE you ~~ we're not all complete baduun's ~~ there are some crackers out there ~ you just gotta sort the weat from the chaff if you know what I mean.~ Its like the other day ~~ might seem irrelevant ~~ but i'll say anyway ~ I get home from work ~~ hubby's already home ~~ nice surprise ~~ I walk into the kitchen and he says's "RIGHT ~ THATS IT ~IM JUST ABOUT PI$$ED OFF WITH YOU ~ HAD ENOUGH ~~ YOU'VE REALLY GONE & DONE IT THIS TIME" ~~ I say "hey babes ~ wass the matter" ~~ he goes ~~ "WHATS THE MATTER ???? ~~ YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE MATTER IS ?? ~~ I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT A GUTS FULL ~ AND THIS IS THE LAST STRAW ~~ I'LL DAMN WELL SHOW YOU WHAT THE MATTER IS ~ AND YOU BETTER GET YOUR SHYT TOGETHER CAUSE THIS IS IT" ~~ with that ~~ he grabs me arm ~~ drags me down to the bottom of the drive to the shed ~~ get to the shed and he says ~~ "HERE ~~ EXPLAIN THIS" ~~ I look over ~~ and there's my little doggy ~~ complete with six brand new shiney puppies ~~ two bitches ~~ four dogs ~ beautiful, gorgeous little things ~~~ (we knew she was in pup ~~ hubby just wanted to show me the new additions to our family ~~ he was doing a lovely thing ~~) My point ~ ?? ~~ when hubby started when I wallked in the kitchen ~~ I KNEW he wasn't REALLY peeed off with me cause ~ I KNEW that there was nothing upon nothing upon nothing that I had done to give me a guilty consience ~~ thats probably why I still held his hand and followed him down the drive ~~ he could have told me he was going to drown me in the slurry pit and I STILL would have trusted hi enough to let him take me there ~~ !! ~~ because I've done nothing wrong ~~ !!! Another example ~ me bro is in the ROYAL BRITISH MARINES ~~ But when he first got in ~~~ and started duty ~~ he became a mega pi$$ head ~~ used to have 24 bottles of guiness before he went to the pubs ~~ he was EVIL ~~ PURE EVIL ~~ I didn't know my own brother ~~ I actually had to call the cops on him once when he came home for xmas because he smashed all the windows on my car and was going to smash me dad round the head with an iron bar ~~ he didn't know HOW to control his temper when he had a drink in him ~~ His girlfriend ~~ (now wife and my SIL) STOOD by him through ALL of it ~~ she KNEW what the score was ~~ she never spoke badly of him to the family ~~ never wound him up ~~ never questioned him ~~ never betrayed him ~~ never tried to change him ~~ SHE loved and cherished him through EVERYTHING. He's an amazing guy now ~~ doesn;t drink anymore ~~ and he's wired up right in EVERY respect ~~ he still has his moments (dont we all ~~ !!) ~~ and he NEVER talks about the army ~~ BUT ~~ he's grounded and level ~~ and one of the strongest (mentally) people I know ~~ All because of the love of a GOOD woman ~~ they've got four gorgeous young boys (my nephews ~~ ) ~~ and they're doing OK ~~ probably said too much there (Gunny ??) ~~ but all gospel truth ~~ There are AMAZING women out there Tops ~~ really ~~ truly ~~ there are. Edited February 4, 2008 by Missy27 Link to post Share on other sites
Author topper3581 Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 Well i spent most yesterday thinking about my wife and daughter. Man this is so hard...especially with Valentines Day coming up. She has just built up this wall between us so there can be no communication and she just seems to have all the control in the world over my life. We both destroyed the marriage through fighting, anger, and terrible words...but she ended it with an emotional affair with someone she sees once in a while at work. And after that just decided to end it with me. So she has had months to prep for this with the help of him most likely and i am the moron sitting here weeping for my marriage. She has always had trust issues amongst others throughout our marriage. Things like never saying I love you too when i told her i loved her. She would just say i love you. I thought it was weird but accepted it as something she just does. Unfortunately i accepted too much of weird things like that and didnt listen to my gut...sleeping in her clothes next to me all of the time....very little sex....complaining about her need for a little independence. Why do men love woman so much and follow like stupid puppy dogs? I am just so confused on the classic phrase..."what women want". Freaks me out if my wife never wants to work this whole thing out and moves on and i have to date again. My god...I haven't done that in 15 years since i was a kid. I mean, what if i just break down and start balling or just sit and complain about this whole thing. What if I subconciously try to make the new person in my life take on some traits of my wife? I know i am getting far ahead, but man...it just freaks me out. And my wife appears to be handeling all of this just fine. Always a smile and happy tone when i drop off my daughter, or call the house to talk to my daughter. I'd like to think it is a front...but after she is getting to live in our new house for now until it sells, getting all of the money from me monthly, getting our daughter most of the time, and now able to carry on her affair without any issues i can't see how she would be upset. Apparently in my 15 years of being with her, 8 years of marriage, i left no impact on her life. I just dont know how you can toss someone aside so easily and move on...i couldn't do it. Maybe men and women are wired differently in that area i dont know. I just keep holding my breath every phone call hoping it is her saying she would like to talk about this, but I am also learning i can't live that way and need to try and move on. I think once i get my own place and stop having to sleep on couches at friends and family I may feel better. Have to try to get some of my money back from her to do that though...again...she comes out on top and me on the bottom. I hate divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Marriages have to be nurtured. Spouses have to be wooed. If you don't romance the person you love, in time your "love" becomes habit and not a living and vibrant part of your relationship. Maintenance indeed! Read these sentences over and over again.... Learning and doing this will keep you out of divorce court and keep you being loved. Link to post Share on other sites
smileysmile Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 (edited) Hey Topper.. all what you just said is so like my situation. We are wired different thats for certain. Plenty of men who will step in to take our place if we mess up. I think you will take this R into your next. I think you will have heap of emotional baggage as you have been together a long time. I will to as I did with my 12 yr R into this one which has just ended. It seems women can leave there last R behind. It seems to be the men who bring it with them. So it will be a long time before you and I "move on" emotionally. Though my ex said she hasn't moved on E and is emotionally damaged by me. And will take a long time to trust men. I think she means that will men be interested in her for HER and accept that she has a D who has priority. And not use her for a few mths for sex. That is trust. Men are like that. She is very attractive and so damn sexy that all the guys will be around her like flies. I still reckon that this ex co worker of hers left his W when he found out mine was S. He only married in June 2007. Nobody knew he was S. But according to him they split (but still living together) because she didn't want kids. LOL Poor excuse! Still I only know snippets on the truth. She has just built up this wall between us so there can be no communication and she just seems to have all the control in the world over my life. We both destroyed the marriage through fighting, anger, and terrible words...but she ended it with an emotional affair with someone she sees once in a while at work. And after that just decided to end it with me. So she has had months to prep for this with the help of him most likely and i am the moron sitting here weeping for my marriage. Spooky! Sounds so like my situation. Blue eyed... I agree with what your saying. So true...to little to late but I will love my ex with all my heart. Stay humbled even though we may never get back. Edited February 6, 2008 by smileysmile Link to post Share on other sites
Author topper3581 Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 Heck Smiley, if i ever get my wish and get over to the UK we will have to cry it out over a pint. Just finished up meeting with her at Friend of the Court to battle over custody. She basically dominated the entire conversation and kept interrupting me when i spoke back to defend the accusations. I lost a lot of respect for her today just sitting there listening to her lie to the mediator. And then tellling me right to my face she wishes i would grow up and stop lying about us! I couldnt find words to describe my shock. Then she said I just hope my husband finally steps up to the plate and becomes the father he should be! OMG. I can't take it anymore! I was trying to keep my cool the whole time but it was getting crazy. She denied ever blocking the relationship with my daughter. She denied ever raising her voice to me or swearing at me in front of my daughter. It was one lie after another. She showed up with what looked to me as an art project basically. It was a portfolio of all of her documents, character references, complaints, etc and she put my daughters pic all over the front of it. I felt kind of stupid bringing my character references, her cell records, etc. It is just amazing what she is stooping too as well. She told the gal that my daughter never mentions me when i am gone. I said when i am with kendal she doesnt mention her mom so does that make her a bad, dispondant mother? come on. Everything she had was hear say, no evidence, and any wittness she had was always her mother. It was laughable but i hope these mediators can see through the B.S. I already have an uphill battle being the man in this relationship trying to get joint custody, i hope i at least get a fair shake. My wife is fighting so hard because not only will she get her wish to keep my daughter, but she gets full custody support too...$900/month! Thats more than her paycheck! AAARRRGGGHHH! And i just want a life with my daughter, and not one where i can't afford to take her out or buy her a toy. I really hope the mediator saw through her line of b.s. about the affair. She denied...just a friend...i cant control who she is friends with...blah blah blah. I just responded with what friend do you need to talk to at 1am, sneak around talking to him by blocking numbers, and speak to more than double the amount of time spoken to me? All without me knowing of this person....sounds like an affair to me...and hopefully to the courts too! Link to post Share on other sites
Missy27 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Keep calm Topper ~~ The courts are no strangers to this kind of thing ~~ If she's lying ~~ they'll see through it ~~ Link to post Share on other sites
Author topper3581 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 well, still waiting to hear from Friend of the Courts on a ruling on custody. I am just dumbfounded, as are a lot of people on this board, about how cold my stbxw is about all of this. I can't imagine having an EA and possibly worse and treat my spouse with such disrespect. When we drop off and pick up our child at our meeting spot she seems to cheerful and happy, not saying a word to me the whole time, and just talking to our daughter. It hurts that there is no communication after 15 years together...she just turns to her family and they coddle her as they always have. But that is what family is for i guess. Now we are trying to sell our house and she is already starting to create a problem with it. The market here being so bad and our mortgage fairly new, the chances of making anything are pretty slim. So she is now saying that she will not agree on a price that will cause a loss for us which is precisely what needs to happen to move on. So she gets the house, i pay half the mortgage, and live on a couch until it sells. Stunts like this, and trying to keep my daughter are what bring me back to reality that i need to move on. Not to mention the EA. So each day i try to do something i never tried to do before, but also trying not to forget who i was and the good parts of me that got me here. It's only a month in for me since the seperation, but the paperwork is filed, and i dont see us getting back together. I dont know what i miss more....her...or just the normalacy of a relationship and life. Link to post Share on other sites
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