31 Reasons To Stop An Affair

[OWoman]

I still don't see any reasons in there to have an affair, just ones to go ahead with a divorce.

 

Tony said not to go there, so I've deliberately been not going there.

 

I'm not making the case for the diametric opposite of what this heap of crud claims, I'm merely debunking the arguments for its own claims.

 

It says, "31 reasons to stop an affair". I'm arguing that where any of those "reasons" have any validity, they could be applied to an M as well as an A - so if anything was to be stopped, it should be both (or neither). I'm not claiming that, if the reason to stop is invalid, it NECESSARILY means that one should start. That would make me guilty of the same kind of flawed "logic" as the author of this heap of crud. No, if a reason to stop is invalid, what it's suggesting is not that one should start, but that one could (not should) continue. There's a very big difference there.

 

I wouldn't anyway presume to write something as idiotic as "31 reasons to start an affair". Prescribing to others how they should live is best left to the moral police, not to those of us who respect the free will of others. I could certainly write a text called "31 reasons why I would / might start an affair" but that would be something entirely else.

 

I'm still only about halfway through the crud, but my brain is bleeding from what I've read so far. I'll continue when I'm stronger.

[Politico]

He'd have to have had sex with her to catch it.)

 

And you can be sure he doesn't how? Just because they're no longer living together is no guarantee.

 

He most likely lied to her about you. He could be lying to you about her or about others he's having affairs with.

Edited February 2, 2008 by Politico

[Lizzie60]

I wouldn't anyway presume to write something as idiotic as "31 reasons to start an affair". Prescribing to others how they should live is best left to the moral police, not to those of us who respect the free will of others. I could certainly write a text called "31 reasons why I would / might start an affair" but that would be something entirely else.

 

 

I really don't see any difference between the two..

[OpenBook]

I could certainly write a text called "31 reasons why I would / might start an affair" but that would be something entirely else.

 

Well don't do it here on LS. It's already been tried.

 

I do agree with you, though, that the published Stop The Affair list of reasons is at best flawed, and at worst someone's twisted view that has no basis in reality but which so many accept as The Truth.

[OWoman]

And you can be sure he doesn't how? Just because they're no longer living together is no guarantee.

 

He most likely lied to her about you. He could be lying to you about her or about others he's having affairs with.

 

I have proof, as I said earlier, which I'm not going to divulge as that would be TMI.

 

Besides, not all men want to sleep with any old lump of woman flesh just because it's accessible. Some men have taste.

[OWoman]

Well don't do it here on LS. It's already been tried.

 

After Tony so explicitly said "Don't!" I think that would be a shortcut to the LS servers exploding!

 

But seriously, I've probably said as much in so many words on other threads to the point of tedium anyway, so if anybody actually REALLY wanted to know rather than just provoke another flame war, they could easily look it up...

[Politico]

Besides, not all men want to sleep with any old lump of woman flesh just because it's accessible. Some men have taste.

 

That hardly explains how some of us ended up with those "lumps of woman flesh" in the first place, does it?

 

Careful you don't one day become one!

[OWoman]

That hardly explains how some of us ended up with those "lumps of woman flesh" in the first place, does it?

 

Careful you don't one day become one!

 

I wasn't referring to his W, to whom there's bound to be some residual affection despite all the years of abuse. I was referring to your suggestion that he was / might be having it off with any number of random other women on the side.

[Politico]

I wasn't referring to his W, to whom there's bound to be some residual affection despite all the years of abuse. I was referring to your suggestion that he was / might be having it off with any number of random other women on the side.

 

It was a statement of possibility/probability. After all, he found you, didn't he? Isn't it possible he found/will find others as well?

 

That's all!

[OWoman]

It was a statement of possibility/probability. After all, he found you, didn't he? Isn't it possible he found/will find others as well?

 

That's all!

 

He didn't "find" me - I put the moves on him. Women do hit on him all the time, but he's completely oblivious to that. And now that he's so smitten, he's even more oblivious to the existence of other women on the planet than usual.

 

But no, given all the evidence, it's not possible.

[BetrayedMM]

Ya know, they say there are always exceptions. For some reason, those who are convinced they are the exception are the ones who hit bottom hardest when the fall comes.

 

In spite of some incredibly convoluted rationalizations, you are very much not an exception. You have been reliable confirmation that 'What they say must be true".

 

If you take an objective look at your reasoning, (textbook spin tactics) you will see it also.

 

You are setting yourself up for a huge fall. Not here. In real life. You have confused yourself with subjective reasoning to bolster your denial.

 

And I have learned something valuable thru these threads. The OW in general seems to be very easily fooled, played, manipulated. I had thought so in my quest to understand, so I tried a little experiment.Yep, way too easy, incredibly predictable, even the slightest gentle nudge gets them going in the direction of your choosing. Confirmation. Amazing. Something to think about.

 

I confess, OWoman and Lizzie- I have been playing you. Now, I must fight the urge to use this and further manipulate the gullible, because it just ain't right. Baiting is trolling, not honest conversation. But, it helped me to understand how one could get into and stay in a situation that should by all logic be unacceptable. Had I simply asked, you would never have admitted something to me that you won't admit to yourself. I seek the truth.

 

Tony, I apologize for causing a ruckus.

[OWoman]

This is a very confused and confusing post. I have no idea who it's addressed at or what point it's trying to make.

 

Ya know, they say there are always exceptions. For some reason, those who are convinced they are the exception are the ones who hit bottom hardest when the fall comes.

 

In spite of some incredibly convoluted rationalizations, you are very much not an exception. You have been reliable confirmation that 'What they say must be true".

 

If you take an objective look at your reasoning, (textbook spin tactics) you will see it also.

 

You are setting yourself up for a huge fall. Not here. In real life. You have confused yourself with subjective reasoning to bolster your denial.

 

And I have learned something valuable thru these threads. The OW in general seems to be very easily fooled, played, manipulated. I had thought so in my quest to understand, so I tried a little experiment.Yep, way too easy, incredibly predictable, even the slightest gentle nudge gets them going in the direction of your choosing. Confirmation. Amazing. Something to think about.

 

I confess, OWoman and Lizzie- I have been playing you. Now, I must fight the urge to use this and further manipulate the gullible, because it just ain't right. Baiting is trolling, not honest conversation. But, it helped me to understand how one could get into and stay in a situation that should by all logic be unacceptable. Had I simply asked, you would never have admitted something to me that you won't admit to yourself. I seek the truth.

 

Tony, I apologize for causing a ruckus.

[foreverchanged]

No men have taste. They will sc$#@ anything that isn't nailed down given the opportunity.

[Rooster_DAR]

I read the 31 reasons and much of it seemed to address some validity. I agree with some of the other though, some of the reasons could be a little flawed and biased toward the author.

 

I would have put a 32nd reason stating how immature it is to fish in another persons well, but again that is because that's my view on what I think is right or wrong. Most people think affairs are wrong, I doubt very seriously that will ever change in American society.

 

Cheers!

[Pyro]

He didn't "find" me - I put the moves on him. Women do hit on him all the time, but he's completely oblivious to that. And now that he's so smitten, he's even more oblivious to the existence of other women on the planet than usual.

 

But no, given all the evidence, it's not possible.

 

No offense to you, but that is pretty naive to think that its not possible. Every single person on earth has the physical capability to cheat.

[Lizzie60]

He didn't "find" me - I put the moves on him. Women do hit on him all the time, but he's completely oblivious to that. And now that he's so smitten, he's even more oblivious to the existence of other women on the planet than usual.

 

But no, given all the evidence, it's not possible.

 

Hum... I don't think that anyone on this planet can say that their man/woman will never ever cheat on them...

 

It is ALWAYS possible... no matter how beautiful, smart, etc. you are...

[BetrayedMM]

This is a very confused and confusing post. I have no idea who it's addressed at or what point it's trying to make.

 

Lizzie's not in denial. Your response actually made me laugh, but it sure didn't cheer me up. You are either in deep denial(and conflict), or you're playing games, which puts it on another level altogether, doesn't it?

 

Either way, good luck. You'll need it.

[Lizzie60]

I confess, OWoman and Lizzie- I have been playing you. Now, I must fight the urge to use this and further manipulate the gullible, because it just ain't right. Baiting is trolling, not honest conversation. But, it helped me to understand how one could get into and stay in a situation that should by all logic be unacceptable. Had I simply asked, you would never have admitted something to me that you won't admit to yourself. I seek the truth.

 

Huh? Did I miss something? I don't get this.

Why would you play us?

Bait us for what?

 

Care to explain.

[OWoman]

Hum... I don't think that anyone on this planet can say that their man/woman will never ever cheat on them...

 

It is ALWAYS possible... no matter how beautiful, smart, etc. you are...

 

I wasn't saying he would never cheat. That's not a claim I'd make, nor is it an issue in my life as I'm not a "believer" in sexual exclusivity (despite practicing it myself currently, with MM)

 

I was responding to politico's "statement of probability" that MM may have other OW on the go currently, or be having it off with his W. I know, based on evidence, that this is not the case. That's all I was stating.

[BetrayedMM]

Huh? Did I miss something? I don't get this.

Why would you play us?

Bait us for what?

 

Care to explain.

Yes, I suppose I owe you an explanation.

 

I have been doing research, trying to understand what this nonsense is all about from all angles. I'm that way, I seek answers.

 

One of the conclusions I came to about the OW in general is they must be pretty easy to con. I also came to the conclusion they may be in denial. I figured feelings of guilt would cause defensive reactions to empirical data.

 

So, I suggested a counter to this thread, and watched the results. Yes, technically the definition of trolling, and for that I apologize. But, lizzie, you took the bait. As I has thought, your reasoning ran dry quickly. Owoman Also did the same, then follows with a classic textbook display of denial, including denial about being in denial! And, you are confused by what all just happened, even after I give up the goods, displaying further gullibility!

 

So, I am saying you've been had, I did something wrong(didn't want to upset anyone, but the thread got closed. I think he smelled a rat- me), and I learned something.

 

Ya see, my whole purpose for coming over here to the dark side is to understand the mind of the enemy, not to consort with them.

 

That being said, if you learned anything about yourself then I have helped you for real, instead of helping enable you.

[OWoman]

So, I suggested a counter to this thread, and watched the results. Yes, technically the definition of trolling, and for that I apologize. But, lizzie, you took the bait. As I has thought, your reasoning ran dry quickly. Owoman Also did the same, then follows with a classic textbook display of denial, including denial about being in denial! And, you are confused by what all just happened, even after I give up the goods, displaying further gullibility!

 

Sorry sweety, wrong on all counts!

 

No guilt on my part whatsoever, and nothing to feel defensive about.

 

Lizzie may have taken your bait, but as I stated (fairly clearly, I thought, but it seems not to some people) I would never start a thread urging people to have affairs, though I could start on on my own reasons for doing so which would be an entirely different matter. I didn't, since Tony specifically requested that (and it would simply provoke another flame war). My reasons have probably been adequately stated in previous threads elsewhere, if anyone was really interested to see what they were.

 

On the other hand, deconstructing the crud that passes for reasons to stop an affair is a fairly easy target for anyone with any logical inclination, which is what I started here before my brain started bleeding with the pain of reading the original text, and the boredom of repetition it contains.

 

If that equates with "denial" in your universe, that's fine, I'm not going to engage you on that. If you're feeling smug and happy, that's cool too. Spreading happiness in the world is part of my mission, after all

 

It's rather sweet that you divide the world up into "enemies" (and whatever the opposite is - friends? Allies?) - without people like that there'd be no one willing to go to war and then governments would have to act mature and solve problems through negotiation rather than guns.

[cheekiest]

alrighty then, took a peek at these 31 reasons. interesting.

only a couple actually make sense. the rest seem to be guilt ridden propaganda.

saying you will be a better parent if you don't have an affair, or end one, is kinda like saying you will be a better driver if you don't take the bus. know what I mean? one really has nothing to do with the other.

adults have the affairs, it has nothing, NOTHING to do with their kids, nor in most cases does it affect the children if everyone keeps themselves acting as adults.

my parents both had affairs (yes, they have been divorced for over 25 yrs now) and it had no affect on me, as a child. I didn't know until I was an adult, and then I could easily understand the why's and whatfor's...and even now, I am better off with them being apart for sure, and I get it...

 

 

and I had no idea there was an 'affair recovery centre'...thought that was the bar...

[BetrayedMM]

And, it's deeply sad when everything is nothing more than shades of grey.

 

It's ok. As I said, I wasn't trying to get anyone angry, but I went too far with it, and fessed up. I am in the wrong here.

 

The rest still stands. Semantics don't trump fact. Most of us accept that there is a difference between right and wrong, that those things that cause harm are what fall into that category(wrong), and that cheating is harmful. Those facts have been determined by society in general, by thousands of years of accumulated wisdom, and by trial and error.

 

You challenge the facts with 'logic', from the perspective of self indulgence. It never gets around to negating the facts, no matter how tricky your terminology becomes. I'm sorry, but that point has been obvious all along, and you still don't see it.

[Lizzie60]

Yes, I suppose I owe you an explanation.

 

I have been doing research, trying to understand what this nonsense is all about from all angles. I'm that way, I seek answers.

 

One of the conclusions I came to about the OW in general is they must be pretty easy to con. I also came to the conclusion they may be in denial. I figured feelings of guilt would cause defensive reactions to empirical data.

 

So, I suggested a counter to this thread, and watched the results. Yes, technically the definition of trolling, and for that I apologize. But, lizzie, you took the bait. As I has thought, your reasoning ran dry quickly. Owoman Also did the same, then follows with a classic textbook display of denial, including denial about being in denial! And, you are confused by what all just happened, even after I give up the goods, displaying further gullibility!

 

So, I am saying you've been had, I did something wrong(didn't want to upset anyone, but the thread got closed. I think he smelled a rat- me), and I learned something.

 

Ya see, my whole purpose for coming over here to the dark side is to understand the mind of the enemy, not to consort with them.

 

That being said, if you learned anything about yourself then I have helped you for real, instead of helping enable you.

 

Oh OK I see... it was only a 'humorous' thread... nothing serious.. I don't know how you can deduct 'serious research' out of threads like that.. anyway...

 

You know I honestly think that it is the W that is easily con... not the OW.. because I know my men are married.. I don't give a 'hoot' about it. They do not have to lie to me or even tell me 'they love me' because they know I don't and never will...

 

I am straight forward with them right from the start.. so I really don't see how you can say I am in denial...

 

Some W, (most) are in denial.. from what I read here... I just can't believe my eyes... it is FLAGRANT that the guy is cheating and still ... they (W) doubt... really...

 

and even when the guy is caught.. she will try to find ways to 'excuse' his behaviour...

 

Who's in denial? I wonder...

[OWoman]

And, it's deeply sad when everything is nothing more than shades of grey.

 

It's ok. As I said, I wasn't trying to get anyone angry, but I went too far with it, and fessed up. I am in the wrong here.

 

The rest still stands. Semantics don't trump fact. Most of us accept that there is a difference between right and wrong, that those things that cause harm are what fall into that category(wrong), and that cheating is harmful. Those facts have been determined by society in general, by thousands of years of accumulated wisdom, and by trial and error.

 

You challenge the facts with 'logic', from the perspective of self indulgence. It never gets around to negating the facts, no matter how tricky your terminology becomes. I'm sorry, but that point has been obvious all along, and you still don't see it.

 

I'm not much into shades of grey, myself - I prefer life in all its glorious colour, technicolour, magicolour, kodakcolour, all the tones and shades and hues and brightnesses. I'm not one to live life in a sombre, muted manner.

 

Your notion of "fact" is interesting, but incorrect. Many societies (there being no such thing as "society in general", except in common parlance) do not regard affairs as harmful, and in my own country there is no sanction - legal, social or moral - for affairs. Polygamy is legal and is still widespread, too. The notion of sexual exclusivity is a culturally relative one, and certainly not universal.

 

From my own personal perspective, I see all around me marriages causing misery, and affairs bringing happiness. Misery or happiness? I know which I would rather choose. Your choices may be different, and you're welcome to them; you're welcome to your opinion that my lifestyle is "wrong", since that protects your certainty in your own choices. I don't try to force my choices on you, and your attempts at doing so on me are likely to bring you nothing but further unhappiness.

 

Carry on viewing the world in black and white, and I'll carry on celebrating it in all its full spectrum of colour. I hope one day you get to experience even a fraction of the joy I live. Truly.