When you know nothing

[eeyore1980]

Well, good luck and remembeer to NOT give him too much info in the beginning, let him spill FIRST. If you do, he will think of something to make it sound OK....you know what I mean? That is how I caught good ol sis in lies....I would say something and she would say, oh yeah that was when he tols me blah blah blah...then I would say, funny he told me he never said that to you or even told you ! That kind of crap, they can think up lies quickly just to keep you confused or they think they are doing that !

I have called this guy 4 times now, and he doesn't answer, and he doesn't return my calls. I'm thinking about blowing it off.

Anyway, MC went very well, and we have been doing very well all weekend. I'm gradually getting over my obsession to get at the truth, I actually came up with a bizarre scenario Frida night, that however stupid, seems to fit all I know and even makes this out a lot better than I have been thinking it was. Don't know if it is true or not, but it seems likely, and if I can think it's true, it makes me feel like I'm going to be able to get over this really soon.

[cj1988]

Good Morning !

 

I am sorry, but maybe that was a good thing because MC went well. The only way I have been able to get through all this is to believe something that may or may not be the truth because it makes me feel better. I do not care about him as long as I am survivng the day and can take care of my kids and home. We had a starnge weekend, I got drunk and went off on him (do not remember most of it) my best friend told him to let me go it was OVER and he was very bothered to hear her say that.....I guess for one because he loves her too, she is one OUR buddies and to know that she tells me to leave him all time. He was nice after that, but it made me think, WHY AM I DRINKING LIKE THAT? Because of US and or him. I have to find what is inside of me now and take care of it before I loose ALL of me !

[eeyore1980]

Good Morning !

 

I am sorry, but maybe that was a good thing because MC went well. The only way I have been able to get through all this is to believe something that may or may not be the truth because it makes me feel better. I do not care about him as long as I am survivng the day and can take care of my kids and home. We had a starnge weekend, I got drunk and went off on him (do not remember most of it) my best friend told him to let me go it was OVER and he was very bothered to hear her say that.....I guess for one because he loves her too, she is one OUR buddies and to know that she tells me to leave him all time. He was nice after that, but it made me think, WHY AM I DRINKING LIKE THAT? Because of US and or him. I have to find what is inside of me now and take care of it before I loose ALL of me !

 

I know what you are saying. I don't have this figured out by any means, but I can see where a lot of this isn't about H at all, it's about me, what I can live with, what I can forgive, what I can move past, etc. It also factors in with how he is treating me now, and on that front I have few complaints, other than I don't think he is telling me what I want to know.

I think you have been just like me, most of the time the pain is like a slow burn, then other times it is just unbearable. You do what you need to get over the hump. Nothing wrong with that.

[eeyore1980]

I exchanged a couple of emails and then last night I had a long talk with OW's current bf.

He wasn't dating her when this first came out, and he confronted her about it, but she barely told him anything. What she did tell him was mostly lies. He said his XW cheated on him 3 times before he divorced her, and understands how I feel.

Why did she keep "innocent friendship" with my H a secret? He doesn't know, she refuses to discuss it.

How did it get started? She said my H kept calling her to rent her house. This is a lie. She didn't move out of her house until 5 or 6 months after it started. She wouldn't clean her house, and had a complete breakdown because there was mold in her refrigerator, so her parents packed her and her D up and moved them in to their house, to try and protect and raise their GD.

She has lied to him about how long this went on, and how much contact there was. He said he doesn't think they slept together, but he isn't sure, and he can guarantee she will never admit it to him, because of his ex, and how he feels about cheaters. He does think it was a lot more than friendship, and does think they could have gotten together. He's still a little pissed about what happened. He also said I didn't have to worry about her going after my H ever again, because he said I had "put the fear of God into her" and she was afraid of me. He said she will never talk to me, and if he brings the subject up she gets very upset and won't talk to him. He told her I had emailed and he was going to respond and try to answer whatever I asked him.

His advice to me was this. He said he didn't know my H, but from his experience with ex and her cheating, and how much he knew skank, I was never going to find out what happened, and at this point I was only hurting myself. I needed to find a way to accept I was never going to know what happened, and either get a divorce or put it behind me.

I was pretty angry last night, and told H I was going to make every effort to make this my last 'fit' over this. I STRONGLY suggested H seek IC to deal with his inability to speak truth. (He lied to me from Wed until Mon about telling my daughter after she found out to not say anything to me. Then he lied about why he lied about it.) I told H he could consider this his free pass, and I was going to try to get past it, but if I ever found out about him and any other woman again doing anything I considered inappropriate, there would be no discussion, excuses, nothing, there would simply be his bags packed and his butt out the door. As far as our employee he dragged into it, I told him I better not ever find out he has told this guy anything else concerning our marriage, he can talk to anyone he wants to other than employees, and if I did, I would tell every single driver everything he has done, and would hold them down to make them listen if I had to. Hell, I will type up weekly updates and attach them to paychecks. I also do not trust him, and will continue to do whatever I have to for peace of mind. He will have to work very hard on his lying to get my trust back.

We are going to continue MC, and I am going to give this another chance. I just really hope I don't end up regretting it.