Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Please help me find more good reasons: Mine: Having an affair means: (goes for men and women) . having great exciting sex (especially if you've been with the same person for ages) . sexercise (good for your body) . good for the self-esteem (always good to be told how sexy and attractive you are) . emotional connection on a different level than with your partner . getting spoiled with gifts and money (mostly women ) . could be handy (if you're single) to have someone fix your house or car . great friendship combined with great sex I found 7 for now... Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I honestly didn't think you would post it. *Pulls up a chair, props feet up* Link to post Share on other sites
nextel Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Most importantly, have one only if thats what you really want. Be clear what you desire i.e., Sex or relationship. Be clear, don't flip flop. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I guess I just feel lucky that I get all of those things easily, without having to participate in an affair to get them. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I guess I just feel lucky that I get all of those things easily, without having to participate in an affair to get them. WORD. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 I guess I just feel lucky that I get all of those things easily, without having to participate in an affair to get them. Here here. You crack me up UP. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 ...the opportunity to explore new and uncharted stds. ...the glory of realizing how good at deception you can be. ...the validation that you can manipulate someone into breaking boundaries. ...bonus validation in self delusion that you are so special as to be hidden and sparsly used. ...the ability to use lying as an artform. ...setting a really good example for others. ...basking in the awesomness of extreme selfishness. that is 7 so far. You go girl. OMG me thinks I wet myself a wee bit. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Lizzie, Disagreeing with you isn't always the same as judging. If what you do works for you of course you will continue doing it. But do you ever allow a quiet moment for the folks wounded under your heels? I just feel if you are going to start a list of the reasons for having affairs, you should include your tips for getting around the guilt as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Lizzie, Disagreeing with you isn't always the same as judging. If what you do works for you of course you will continue doing it. But do you ever allow a quiet moment for the folks wounded under your heels? I just feel if you are going to start a list of the reasons for having affairs, you should include your tips for getting around the guilt as well. We all have our ways to deal with our life.. I don't know any of these women, and I have no intentions to even see them... do I feel guilt.. not really... I made no promises to anyone.. I am free and single... This is not my problem.. I didn't twist their arms. But I can see why these men are cheating... check my list... Do these guys feel guilt.. I believe they do...to some extent but the 'craving' is much stronger than the guilt.... Just like smoking or drinking... you feel guilty if you have a drink but the temptation is too strong... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 We all have our ways to deal with our life.. I don't know any of these women, and I have no intentions to even see them... do I feel guilt.. not really... I made no promises to anyone.. I am free and single... This is not my problem.. I didn't twist their arms. But I can see why these men are cheating... check my list... Do these guys feel guilt.. I believe they do...to some extent but the 'craving' is much stronger than the guilt.... Just like smoking or drinking... you feel guilty if you have a drink but the temptation is too strong... Yes the sexercise - gym memberships are very costly in comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Share Posted January 31, 2008 Yes the sexercise - gym memberships are very costly in comparison. Well.. these days everything is expensive.. no? back at you! you devil you! Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Lizzie are you dealing with life or running from it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Disturbing. Disturbing!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 Disturbing. Disturbing!!! Bottom line... Why try to preach ? Who are we to say to others they should live their life this way or that way? OWs will not change because someone started a thread about 'reasons to stop an affair'... We don't all want to stop our affair... same with the cheating partner, people can preach all they want, reality is people do what they want... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I'm not preaching. Just making a general observation ---> it is disturbing to me that people think this way. I'm not judging or saying it's bad that they do what they do. I just find it disturbing. :| Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 I'm not preaching. Just making a general observation ---> it is disturbing to me that people think this way. I'm not judging or saying it's bad that they do what they do. I just find it disturbing. :| I should have added that I wasn't talking about you specifically, but about people in general... Link to post Share on other sites
NotMyselfNEmore Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Honestly, I took Lizzie's post more as a "humorous post" than an explanation of her behavior. She's right, people will do whatever they want. I've been in both sides already: I've been the OW and I have been the Betrayed Wife. Either way, I learned something. What did I learn? That's for me to know and also for me to decide whether I will change my attitude and behavior next time around to ensure different results....... or, not. I didn't "hear" Lizzie asking for a popularity vote. She was simply stating her reasons. Lizzie, I do have to say we are all concerned for you because we are a caring bunch our their opinions and advice are very valuable. But I also have walked in your shoes and honestly, during that time in my life, I had to be selfish enough to state my own reasons to have an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 Honestly, I took Lizzie's post more as a "humorous post" than an explanation of her behavior. She's right, people will do whatever they want. I've been in both sides already: I've been the OW and I have been the Betrayed Wife. Either way, I learned something. What did I learn? That's for me to know and also for me to decide whether I will change my attitude and behavior next time around to ensure different results....... or, not. I didn't "hear" Lizzie asking for a popularity vote. She was simply stating her reasons. Lizzie, I do have to say we are all concerned for you because we are a caring bunch our their opinions and advice are very valuable. But I also have walked in your shoes and honestly, during that time in my life, I had to be selfish enough to state my own reasons to have an affair. not sure what you mean here... (bold) you're concerned for me???? Please don't be... I know exactly what I'm doing.. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 We all have our ways to deal with our life.. I don't know any of these women, and I have no intentions to even see them... do I feel guilt.. not really... I made no promises to anyone.. I am free and single... This is not my problem.. I didn't twist their arms. But I can see why these men are cheating... check my list... Do these guys feel guilt.. I believe they do...to some extent but the 'craving' is much stronger than the guilt.... Just like smoking or drinking... you feel guilty if you have a drink but the temptation is too strong... I don't feel guilty if I have a drink. I would feel guilty if my actions had a large and negative impact on anyone knowing that person or not. If I were to ponder stepping in your shoes, I would need to learn how to not care about that. How did you do it? Was there ever a time where you didn't have this view on things? If so what happened to change your views? And the first time for instance; did you struggle much but it got easier as you proceeded? I'm not trying to be cute here either. I am interested. If you are more comfortable you can PM me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I've asked you this before Lizzie... Does it not concern you that one day you'll meet a very angry BS who has nothing left to lose? What will you do then? Doesn't the thrill of a lover wash away quickly when you realize that he belongs to another woman? Do you not long for true, sincere companionship with someone who does not lie or cheat to get his kicks? How can you be with a man knowing that he is committing such a fundamental act of betrayal? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 don't have to wash the skid-marks out of his underwear WTF is with men and skid marks anyway? Not only men, but BOYS in general? Okay, that's another thread for another section......Still, WTF. Lizzie is Lizzie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 I don't feel guilty if I have a drink. I would feel guilty if my actions had a large and negative impact on anyone knowing that person or not. If I were to ponder stepping in your shoes, I would need to learn how to not care about that. How did you do it? Was there ever a time where you didn't have this view on things? If so what happened to change your views? And the first time for instance; did you struggle much but it got easier as you proceeded? I'm not trying to be cute here either. I am interested. If you are more comfortable you can PM me. Sometimes having a drink can be way more damaging for the ones you love than cheating... I don't know why I am like I am... I don't think I'm the only one either.. I never had to 'struggle' really... I don't feel I am doing anything wrong... I honestly think that, in my case, I am waayyy less dangerous than any other OW who get emotionally involved.... In my case, there is no commitment.. I don't want my MMs to leave their family. Did I always think that way... no... I used to be a 'wife' (common-law) but it felt like marriage since it lasted 18 yrs. I wasn't thinking that way for sure.. I never cheated. Now I'm single.. I didn't make any promise to anyone... they did.. I don't know how to word exactly how I feel.. I sometimes feel that I'm doing more 'good' than 'harm' to these marriages.. seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Sometimes having a drink can be way more damaging for the ones you love than cheating... True, that. Maybe a better way to state it is "getting behind the wheel of a car drunk, and slamming into a family in their car and wreaking havoc on their lives"? Just sayin. I admit. I think cheating is wrong. But part of me - the part that was the driving force behind me finding LS in the first place - understands where Lizzie is coming from. You make me think, Lizzie. That's for sure. And WWIU - I HEAR you about the skidmarks! WTF IS up with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 I've asked you this before Lizzie... Does it not concern you that one day you'll meet a very angry BS who has nothing left to lose? What will you do then? No.. I don't think about that. We are being extremely careful. Doesn't the thrill of a lover wash away quickly when you realize that he belongs to another woman? No.. I think the thrill is higher.... I don't want anyone in my life... so a lover like this is exactly what I want... for now. Do you not long for true, sincere companionship with someone who does not lie or cheat to get his kicks? Not at all.. I was in relationships most of my life.. it's not like I don't know what it's like.. I know exactly what it's like... do I miss that? NOT one bit. I am not saying that I will never change.. I can't predict my future.. but for now I looove every second of my freedom.. my life.. my space. How can you be with a man knowing that he is committing such a fundamental act of betrayal? I just don't see it like that... I see this man as someone who is missing something in his life.. otherwise he wouldn't be with me. Whether he choose to stray instead of leaving his wife is not MY decision, it's HIS. He's the one who has to face his partner every night. He's the one who has to live the lie, not me. I somewhat respect a man for staying with his wife and his kids.. I know divorce is extremely hard on children... so if the family has no clue about his secret life.. then every body is happy... there is no harm.. IMO. I do not see losers or abusers.. the MMs I see are great guys, amazing fathers... I know that for sure. I know enough of their personal life.. I am their confidant as well as their lover. They don't have to lie to me. We have very opened and honest conversations. It's not only about sex... sometimes we don't have sex.. we only talk about what's going on in our lives... Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I guess I just don't know why it HAS to be married people for another person to have all the things on your list. After my husband and I split, I kicked my heels up real darn high. Just not with married men. I didn't do their laundry, had fun care-free sex, and when I got bored with them I just didn't call or accept their requests anymore. They knew the deal before hand so it wasn't like they could claim I tricked them or cheated. Lizzie, do you bother with single men or is it a MM or nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
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