MysticStar Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Marriage boring? Sex life lost that sizzle? Then one day you meet some one that rocks your world. You can't stop thinking about them. You think of all kinds of special things to do for them, and you're getting a high from the thrill of the hunt. Why not channel those thoughts and that energy towards the spouse that you've become so disenchated with? Thinking about buying that special someone flowers? When was the last time you bought your wife flowers? Why not buy them for her? Thinking about sedning him a hot email telling him what you'd like to do to him? When not send your husband an email like that? I bet that would get his attention. My point is that as time goes by we get lazy and complacent. We begin to take each other for granted and then that special someone appears on the horizon and we go running off after them. If people put more energy and thought into chasing and wooing their spouse, and appreciating all the things they do for them, the idea of an affair probably wouldn't even enter your mind. Just some thoughts. It's what I've done during the times in my marriage when things started to wane between us. It doesn't always work perfectly, but it kept life interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Hello, yes I tried that ! After my H's EA I sent him sexy text and voice mail, he did not respond or care and told me to stop acting like a teenager, although that is his how he acted with the OW. So, you see some M are just not worth saving for one, so what is the use? Hell, my H will not even touch me now, said it is my mouth (fighting and such) OK, whatever.....I will not cheat, but I am leaving, have had enough ! I am a very attractive woman and I know that inside and out and he can never take that from me. Siad that MEN only like my body, when they get to know me they will be gone. Really, so why has he stayed for 13 years ? Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Many guys here have tried that. Those overtures are usually met with indifference and suspicion - which then makes the spouse not want to do it again. Add to that the way the wife looks at your d*ck as though it was radioactive - and you get the source of the disenchantment. I'm pretty damn sure that any guy who thinks his wife would he thrilled to get flowers would get them for her. Get flowers for the OW - and she goes wild! Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 My h brought me flowers to work every month for 6 years, kissed my neck as he left for work for 8 years, called me everyday 3 times a day UNTIL the OW.....so you see it is not about making the other person feel good, it is about them making themeselves feel good......he is a giver ONLY if it benefits him.....all I wanted was HIM, not gifts ! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 The "doing it for your spouse" is a great idea...the trick is to also do it the right way. Read "The Five Love Languages"...or Harley's "His Needs/Her Needs" where it talks about emotional needs. The trick is to show your spouse that you love them in WAYS THAT MAKE THEM FEEL LOVED. Case in point...telling my wife I love her is small. I do the flowers thing for her occasionally. But what really makes her feel loved are things that are very small and easy. Small acts that show her that I love her, like doing the dishes for her occasionally, or offering to dinner or something. Those things mean more to her than the flowers or small gifts. Understanding what makes them feel loved, and showing them that love in that manner goes a LONG, LONG way. And them reciprocating, by showing you love in ways that mean love to you (not nessacarily to them) has the same affect back for you. You're right...channel that effort back into your marriage, and do it throughtfully, and the results can be amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MysticStar Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 Hi Owl, I have to say that I agree with you. It's the small things, and things you think wouldn't really make a difference that do. For example recently at night before I go to bed I set up the coffee maker so that it will come on 15 minutes before my wife gets up in the morning. (I don't drink coffee). I can't tell you what a difference it's making. Last night when I came home from work there was a small gift wrapped present waiting for me on the kitchen table with a card telling me how much she loves me. She's also become a lot more affectionate since I started prepping the coffee maker for her. It turns out that hot coffee waiting for her when she gets up in the moring is a powerful aphordisiac for her. Especially when I make it. Who'd of thought? Mystic Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1980 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 This is true for me. My H and I are having a lot of problems because he was involved with another woman, I still don't know the extent of that involvement. I don't even know if I will stay or go, but one thing sticks in my mind. A lot of times he is asleep before I am, and he will reach out in his sleep for me, and put his hand on me. That touches my heart more than flowers or gifts, and he doesn't even know he is doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 This is true for me. My H and I are having a lot of problems because he was involved with another woman, I still don't know the extent of that involvement. I don't even know if I will stay or go, but one thing sticks in my mind. A lot of times he is asleep before I am, and he will reach out in his sleep for me, and put his hand on me. That touches my heart more than flowers or gifts, and he doesn't even know he is doing it. Good for you, keep reading posts and replying, helps more than you know ! Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Because I don't feel it for my H. I've given him 18 years and with all the mutual neglect, I can't do it for him anymore. I would rather find someone that I can love and give them the attention that I want to give and get the attention that I crave. When it's over, it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Because I don't feel it for my H. I've given him 18 years and with all the mutual neglect, I can't do it for him anymore. I would rather find someone that I can love and give them the attention that I want to give and get the attention that I crave. When it's over, it's over. I agree totally. When it is over, it is over.....too hard to try and piece together something that is just not there anymore. unfortunately one does not normally see or feel it is over and the other just does not care, too late for them. The one not in love does not mean to hurt the other, they just want to move on and get out. It hurts them as well, but more or less they are over it ! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Many guys here have tried that. Those overtures are usually met with indifference and suspicion - which then makes the spouse not want to do it again. Add to that the way the wife looks at your d*ck as though it was radioactive - and you get the source of the disenchantment. I'm pretty damn sure that any guy who thinks his wife would he thrilled to get flowers would get them for her. Get flowers for the OW - and she goes wild! Go figure. I very much agree. With some women the more you go out of your way to make them happy the more they resent you and pull away from you. There are some women who you just can't have a happy relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 And is this your woman, Woggle? If not, then why not agree instead? Speak from the perspective of your current situation. Be one of the solutions instead of one of the problems. As much as I sometimes fear for the future of my marriage I know I have a good woman in my life but she is a rarity. A man does not come across a woman like her too often and when he does she usually is taken. Somehow all the stars were lined up the right way the day I met her but I still observe other situations and I truly feel for men going through what I explained. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Somehow all the stars were lined up the right way the day I met her Wogs, when you go home later, tell your wife this! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Maybe I will. I am not normally a guy who says sappy stuff like that but I feel like I was damn lucky to meet her when I did. If I was not out taking a walk that day I would still be single right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Planofool Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 If I sent my wife flowers right now, the first words out of her mouth would be ......what have you done wrong? I guess that stems from not sending her flowers except on Valentines day. Link to post Share on other sites
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