bcgurl Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 My bf and I have been together for 1.1/2 yrs. lived together for 9 months, known eachother for 7 yrs. Now once we are an "item " he tells me he has wanted me for yrs..and wants to marry me. I have recently found text messages my bf has sent to a female co-worker..." i like u , u like me lets have sexy times together" Now, He swears he would never cheat on me,and I have trust issue on this anyhow, my ex cheated on me, and then married her! But when i see messages like this and inviting her for drinks texting--- (cum out and have some fun) yet I am not invited. I have to really question his intentions. Other things he will do-- When we do go out, he likes to be the center of attention, and will be very distant to me...like he doesnt want other to know he is taken...we make plans( we have date nite 1 x a week) he either goes out with his co-workers for an after work drink is hours late..ie: I will be home in 1 hour--he shows up 4-5 hours later and doesnt even call, to have him come home drunk . Now I dont care if he goes out with friends once in awhile. if i call him he doesnt answer his cell! .If and when I am to bring up anything about him being unfaithful he gets quite upset, telling me i should trust him and i am insecure( isnt every one insecure a little??) Now my questions are 1: If you wanted and were in love with someone for years and finally got a chance, would you not do everything to keep that person?? 2: Am I over reacting to these text messages?? Link to post Share on other sites
blackbird Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I have to really question his intentions. Are you serious? How is that even a question? And do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who puts together sentences such as "i like u , u like me lets have sexy times together" anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Lots of people "play around" online with others, with flirtatous and suggestive behavior. The question is, when is the line crossed? I feel that in this case a line is being crossed because phone text messages are even more "real life" than online chatting, and it sounds to me like there is an element of seriousness to his invites. I can't say for sure based on the information in your post, but this appears to be more than him just harmlessly "playing around" and I would keep your eyes and ears open, and keep your emotions close to your heart. I would seriously question the wisdom in getting any more serious with this guy at this point. I really don't like the way he acts when you two go out with others...that part about him not wanting others to know you are together. It feels, I dunno, just plain wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 My bf and I have been together for 1.1/2 yrs. lived together for 9 months, known eachother for 7 yrs. Now once we are an "item " he tells me he has wanted me for yrs..and wants to marry me. I have recently found text messages my bf has sent to a female co-worker..." i like u , u like me lets have sexy times together" Now, He swears he would never cheat on me Ya right. Sorry, this isn't just harmless text fun. This is what is known as testing the waters to see if the person on the other end will be receptive to messing around, if they haven't already established that. and I have trust issue on this anyhow, my ex cheated on me, and then married her! But when i see messages like this and inviting her for drinks texting--- (cum out and have some fun) yet I am not invited. I have to really question his intentions. I can see it already. He's a dog. Kick him to the curb and move on. Or you will regret it. Am I over reacting to these text messages?? absolutely not!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 He is planning to cheat on you, if he hasn't already. You are under-reacting - you should dump him and not speak to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
RRRRaul Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 he is a cheater! run away! i know guys usually do the cheating but my girlfriend was playing around on http://www.dating4points.com and i thought it was just funny. she didn't hide it or anything... i thought it as completely innocent. she earned a lot of points and somehow was able to contact people, it starts out annonomous until you get enough points. anyway, before i knew it she was going to meet someone. she said it was all in fun and that i could even come. so i went and it was really weird and then like a month later she said she liked the other guy. i have new rules about that stuff now. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 What your BF is doing is disrespectful. I'm going to guess that he is incapable of question no. 1 at this time. As to question no. 2, no, you're not over reactiing. Even if he is a blatant flirt with no intention of taking things further, it implies that he doesn't value you (ie: disrespect) to others. Is this type of behavior recent, or has it always been this way? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 I too, also am insecure. I found myself questioning online flirting and what not.. but I agree.. the phone thing is crossing the line! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 He is planning to cheat on you, if he hasn't already. You are under-reacting - you should dump him and not speak to him again. This is the best response IMO. I completely agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 " i like u , u like me lets have sexy times together" (cum out and have some fun) Why didn't you break up the moment you saw these texts? What would it take? Now, He swears he would never cheat on me Wow, that's comforting.(sarcasm) Look at his actions, not his words. But when i see messages like this and inviting her for drinks texting--- yet I am not invited. I have to really question his intentions. What the??? At this point you should question why you are still with him. I'm sure he is very happy he has such an understanding GF, he gets to text other girls dirty messages, ignore you, hang out with them, is probably or will be cheating on you very soon, and all it takes to make you stay is a kiss and a "don't worry baby!! I would never cheat!!" we make plans( we have date nite 1 x a week) he either goes out with his co-workers for an after work drink is hours late..ie: I will be home in 1 hour--he shows up 4-5 hours later and doesnt even call, to have him come home drunk . This is on you, you are choosing to put up with this, expect to be abused emotionally here on out. I know, I know, I sound so mean. Well you have to take some responsibility here to not put up with it by LEAVING!! If and when I am to bring up anything about him being unfaithful he gets quite upset, telling me i should trust him and i am insecure( isnt every one insecure a little??) Of course, he knows that you will back down and stay in line that way. Now my questions are 1: If you wanted and were in love with someone for years and finally got a chance, would you not do everything to keep that person?? 2: Am I over reacting to these text messages?? This question is delusional. He IS doing everything to keep you, and to have an affair on the side. Look at the facts. Expect to be cheated on and used if you CHOOSE to stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bcgurl Posted February 3, 2008 Author Share Posted February 3, 2008 Thank you for all of your thoughts and opinions . I found the text messages the day I posted...so only few days ago. We ar both in our 30's. His co -worker is 20-21 yrs old. I have been cheated on in the past ( I was with my ex for 5 yrs.)and It has made me untrusting towards men. With all the red flags here, It seems it may happen again. I am not wanting to be played a fool again . Link to post Share on other sites
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